Members borbzgirl Posted February 15, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 I'm having trouble containing this feeling... It's like a feeling of doom, and it weighs so heavily on me. I want him to still be alive so bad, sometimes I grunt while I'm sobbing because there's so much of that feeling there. I really really want him to still be alive.... How do I escape this feeling? Because obviously I will never be able to change what has happened, I just want to be able to contain this longing. And fix myself, so I can start learning to live with this reality... How did you guys do it? I need to help myself cope, I'm exhausted of crying throughout the day. I breathe slow when I know a moment's coming, to be kind to myself, I need to muster all my strength each time... I dread living like this everyday. How do I heal? When does the pain start to go away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TLN Posted February 15, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 I know the feeling. Since my Father died in May of 2018 I'm in this darkness, so thick it's as if you can touch it. a darkness you can feel. Suffocation. talking helps, but no one i know seems to know how to help. they just want me back to normal. grief is a nightmare. a horror. but i keep fighting... that's all i know to do. thanks for posting. TLN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anaana Posted February 15, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 I know exactly what you mean, I feel it everytime I want to share with him something I heard or I saw, or something that I'm living and I want to live it with him, but he is not there. It weighs my heart so much. The only thing I can do is hang on, live on and be patient through this hell. Sometimes it feels impossible. But I guess eventually we go through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 16, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 I don't think there's anything short of going straight through this, pain and all, it is in allowing ourselves to feel what we feel that we slowly begin to process our grief, and it's not easy. They say old age is not for wimps? GRIEF is not for wimps! Be kind and gentle with yourself, patient, understanding. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through and that says a lot, for I've been through a lot in my life. But this leaves everything else in the dust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicolecm Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 I lost my fiance on 1/30/21. I can relate to this "doom" you are feeling of never seeing or being with them again. It is such a deep hurt, such an uncomfortable feeling. I too sometimes grunt when I am sobbing at the thought of his not being alive anymore. This really sucks and there is no easy way to get thru this, but to go thru it. I dont want to go thru it, but I guess we dont really have a choice right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 The longing for our loved one is more than we can bear at times. I long to see my wife, to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her that I love you. But, I want this physically since I'm still trapped in this physical body. Her phone is still active and many times I think to myself to call her but I know it would only be her voice mail message. I wish many times that somehow she would call me. The closest I've gotten is through a few dreams and yes, they do comfort me, but I still long to be with her in a tangible form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Caclark40 Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 I lost my fiance back in 2004. He passed away after a car accident but he had terminal non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and would have passed eventually. There was a 13 year age difference between us and I was so young none of my friends knew how to help. Two things really helped me to get the ball rolling on my life again. The first was therapy. So much therapy lol. The second was everyday I asked myself, "What would Steve want me to do today?" For about 6 months, I lived for him, not myself. All the hugs and I'm so sorry you're hurting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane R. E. Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 For the last three days I have had such an intense longing for my husband to still be alive that I can hardly stand it. It will be 20 weeks tomorrow since he passed away, but this feeling is different than any emotion I've had so far. I'm alone most of the time, so of course I'm lonely, but this is different. He was only here in our new apartment for six days before he was admitted to the hospital, but I keep thinking of the memories from that all too brief time. He was in severe pain, but was such a trooper doing as much as he could. I know his physical being is gone, but wanting him here is overwhelming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members yvo4848 Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 I lost my hubby 40 years ago, I don't recall the pain anymore, But I do no I wanted to crawl in my bed and never wanted the light to reach me, only darkness ,Made it feel less real, that he passed away he was 23 and I was 20.I did meant another man about 1 year later .I heard this myth. For every year to spent with a person takes year to get over like spend 4 years with one person takes about 16 months to be somewhat normal...but that's just what I believe and seen it happen to.so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicolecm Posted February 23, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2021 yvo4848, I am so sorry to see that you recently lost your dog. (((Big Hugs))) may comfort & peace find you during this difficult time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members borbzgirl Posted February 23, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2021 On 2/22/2021 at 9:46 AM, Nicolecm said: I lost my fiance on 1/30/21. I can relate to this "doom" you are feeling of never seeing or being with them again. It is such a deep hurt, such an uncomfortable feeling. I too sometimes grunt when I am sobbing at the thought of his not being alive anymore. This really sucks and there is no easy way to get thru this, but to go thru it. I dont want to go thru it, but I guess we dont really have a choice right now. I hope we both get through this... I am still having such a hard time, I lost him 1/11/2021. He was only 35 years old (we were the same age). I keep talking to him as an outlet, although I don't believe he is still around or anywhere to hear me. I mainly do it because there is nothing else that gives me comfort. He would have been the only person I'd talk to about feeling pain like this. I prefer it this way because I don't want to talk to anyone else or put up with their efforts to console me. I wish you the best, but it's probably going to be a long ways from now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicolecm Posted February 23, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2021 borbzgirl - yes, I hope we both get thru this also. sorry to read of your loss. after all of the roller coaster of emotions, I noticed yesterday I was able to get to a place of "just talking to him" as an outlet, like you mentioned. It is comforting, feeling like I can just talk to him, but sucks I cant see or touch him. At least he cant interrupt me now, and now he's forced to hear me and can't tune me out, lol. For now, or for today, or just for this hour, I am finding comfort in that. The way my emotions change about this, this is no guarantee how I will be feeling in the next moment. (((Big Hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TLN Posted February 24, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 On 2/22/2021 at 2:35 AM, Caclark40 said: The second was everyday I asked myself, "What would Steve want me to do today?" For about 6 months, I lived for him, not myself. All the hugs and I'm so sorry you're hurting. That is such a good idea: What would my loved one want me to do today. It really is one day at a time. Thinking on it, I know my Father, who died in May of 2018, would want me to keep close to God. That is difficult, because since my Father died, I have not felt the presence of God the way I used to. It is as though God is dead. No one i know understands what i mean when i talk about it. it is good to come here and talk with people who get it. Thank you for posting. I will ask myself that every day: What would my Father have me do today? Love, TLN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 24, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 On 2/22/2021 at 1:36 PM, yvo4848 said: I heard this myth. For every year to spent with a person takes year to get over like spend 4 years with one person takes about 16 months to be somewhat normal I don't think there is an absolute equation for all of us because our relationships all vary, as we do. I will never "be over" George. I spent 23 years in a loveless cold marriage before him, I only knew George 6 1/2 years but it was the best years of my life and we were definitely soul mates, best friends, lovers, everything to each other. He was the ying to my yang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted February 24, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 I talked to my husband so much the first year, I am sure my neighbors thought I was looney. We were together for 40 years, so I pretty much knew his side of any discussion. I remember one day in particular when I had a long argument with him in my front yard. I was trying to get out of town to visit my oldest son, but my yard needed some attention. When it rains here in Florida the nut grass or other weeds in the yard can quickly send up these tall seed spikes. We had had rain and in various parts of the yard these tall stems had popped up. I got out the lawn mower and was zipping around the yard just knocking down the tall spikes. I could hear, in my mind, my husband chastising me for this haphazard mowing job. I was telling him, I didn't have time to do a thorough job as I needed to get on the road. He was saying, it wouldn't take much longer to do a proper job as it was a small yard. We went back and forth like this for quite awhile, his voice in my head, me talking out loud to him. Finally I shouted at him that if he wanted the whole yard mowed, he shouldn't have died and he could do it himself, that this was all I could do. I am certain there were neighbor's who could hear my part of the discussion, but I honestly didn't care. Just so you know, in lots of my other conversations with my dead husband he was more comforting than this one. : ) I still talk with him a lot. I think I always will. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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