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Is grief really survivable?


Dawn Wms

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Thank you to all of you who are reassuring me I can survive.  Although I am lonely, I know I am not really alone in this suffering.  It is a shared human experience.

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Thank you, Gail.  Yes, it helps.  It helps to know that it is possible but that it also takes some people a long time.  It is good for me to hear that others were as "rock bottom" as I am, but then somehow made it.

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Along the centuries millions of people survived a loss! And even they had not photos or video to help remember...

We are in this tradition.

We all survive even if we don't want to

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1 hour ago, Roxeanne said:

Along the centuries millions of people survived a loss! 

Roxeanne,

During my 3 years of not wanting to live, this thought did give me some small glimmer of hope.  

I knew that it was not possible for all the millions of people who had lost their spouse to have lived out the rest of their lives in the pain and dispair I was feeling.  They must have gotten better.  They must have transitioned to a state where they could actually live. 

This 4th year I made that transition too. I don't know why it took me so long or why this year it happened. I think it was some sort of shift in my brain in how it perceives the world. 

It is not that I have forgotten my life with John or our love. Those memories are now a bundle I can carry with me and cherish,  no longer an enormous load that crushes me.

Gail 

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22 hours ago, KevinM said:

I will say, though, that cocooning in my house seems to make me more depressed and that going outside and getting exercise helps.

I agree, I am not solely introvert or extrovert, I like solitude but also need time outside and with other people...this year has been a challenge as it has too much alone time.  My puppy helps tremendously!  So do the doggy dates I arrange for him.  We walk every day, 2-3 times/day.  I miss summer and its hikes.

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47 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

Roxeanne,

During my 3 years of not wanting to live, this thought did give me some small glimmer of hope.  

I knew that it was not possible for all the millions of people who had lost their spouse to have lived out the rest of their lives in the pain and dispair I was feeling.  They must have gotten better.  They must have transitioned to a state where they could actually live. 

This 4th year I made that transition too. I don't know why it took me so long or why this year it happened. I think it was some sort of shift in my brain in how it perceives the world. 

It is not that I have forgotten my life with John or our love. Those memories are now a bundle I can carry with me and cherish,  no longer an enormous load that crushes me.

Gail 

Gail it's the same for me. After 3 years of hard pain, i surprised myself with the desire of laugh again...

I can see  his warm smile!

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23 hours ago, Mark loves Sandra said:

The scary thing for me is that@Gail 8588, @KayC @Roxeanne have been recovering for a looooong time.  I can't imagine living with this pain for as long as they have.

I would not say I'm "recovering" still but "surviving" without him, a different stage perhaps but perhaps a harder one in it's own way as it's the rest of my life and growing old alone, and it does get old.  Our loss is the rest of our lives, whether that be ten years or fifty.  It does not stay in the same intensity of pain as at the beginning years though.  Our bodies amazingly adapt to even the unthinkable as I have learned.

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luckystarhongkong

sometimes we wanted to cling on to the past when our love ones were by our sides: that was too good/sweet, as compared to the bitterness that we are now facing; that is natural; but it seems the more we want to dwell in the past, the more painful it is. Perhaps when we've acknowledged that what happened have happened, and whether we like it or not, we have been thrust into this new reality and have to learn to live with it, then we may begin the process of working towards some normalcy in life. 

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On 4/25/2021 at 5:17 PM, luckystarhongkong said:

sometimes we wanted to cling on to the past when our love ones were by our sides: that was too good/sweet, as compared to the bitterness that we are now facing; that is natural; but it seems the more we want to dwell in the past, the more painful it is. Perhaps when we've acknowledged that what happened have happened, and whether we like it or not, we have been thrust into this new reality and have to learn to live with it, then we may begin the process of working towards some normalcy in life. 

Amen!

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