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I have been angry for so long


jessi

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:( Not every single day. lol But, for a long time now, I have been angry over all other emotions, about my parents' deaths. And it's more when things are going wrong in my life. I chalk it up to...''well, if my parents were alive all these years...this wouldn't have happened.'' I realize this is irrational. I am very deep in my faith. I pray a lot and have taken comfort in my faith. But, I'm human, and lately, I've been feeling very angry over the loss of my parents...namely, in the injustices in the world. Like when I see injustice of some type...I revert back to feeling like that hurt and scared little girl, who lost both her parents. Is there an expiration date for anger? It doesn't affect my everyday life, but I admit...today, it did. I spent a good part of the day at work, crying in the restroom. Like a deep, sobbing...angry cry. Ugh. Can this be repressed anger and grief from all these years??? My dad died when I was 9, my mom died when I was 10. Thx for listening. I am grateful to have found this website. I can't believe something like this exists...B)
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:( Not every single day. lol But, for a long time now, I have been angry over all other emotions, about my parents' deaths. And it's more when things are going wrong in my life. I chalk it up to...''well, if my parents were alive all these years...this wouldn't have happened.'' I realize this is irrational. I am very deep in my faith. I pray a lot and have taken comfort in my faith. But, I'm human, and lately, I've been feeling very angry over the loss of my parents...namely, in the injustices in the world. Like when I see injustice of some type...I revert back to feeling like that hurt and scared little girl, who lost both her parents. Is there an expiration date for anger? It doesn't affect my everyday life, but I admit...today, it did. I spent a good part of the day at work, crying in the restroom. Like a deep, sobbing...angry cry. Ugh. Can this be repressed anger and grief from all these years??? My dad died when I was 9, my mom died when I was 10. Thx for listening. I am grateful to have found this website. I can't believe something like this exists...B)

It is difficult to accept that life is not fair and that there are injustices in this world. While there is no expiration date for grieving, at some point, you will have to let go of the resentment you have over your parents' deaths and completely accept that people die and it's part of the life process, no matter how short or long their time on this earth was.

I know this is difficult, but letting go of the anger will help you. I'm going to guess that you feel angry over the injustice when you are stressed out over other things? One way to get over the anger is to write it down and say goodbye to it. You obviously are a survivor, and you've made it. You can let go of this anger and feel okay about it. Turning the negative experience and memories into a more positive one--like concentrating on the fact that you did make it and are going forward instead of concentrating on the horror of the experience--may help you. Also, you may want to join a grief and support group and reach out to others to try to help them through what you experienced. You have alot to share with others in similar experiences. They will desperately be grateful for your insight.

I am glad you are here, too.

ModKonnie

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It is difficult to accept that life is not fair and that there are injustices in this world. While there is no expiration date for grieving, at some point, you will have to let go of the resentment you have over your parents' deaths and completely accept that people die and it's part of the life process, no matter how short or long their time on this earth was.

I know this is difficult, but letting go of the anger will help you. I'm going to guess that you feel angry over the injustice when you are stressed out over other things? One way to get over the anger is to write it down and say goodbye to it. You obviously are a survivor, and you've made it. You can let go of this anger and feel okay about it. Turning the negative experience and memories into a more positive one--like concentrating on the fact that you did make it and are going forward instead of concentrating on the horror of the experience--may help you. Also, you may want to join a grief and support group and reach out to others to try to help them through what you experienced. You have alot to share with others in similar experiences. They will desperately be grateful for your insight.

I am glad you are here, too.

ModKonnie

Bless you for this, konnie. I'm running out the door, now...but wanted to say thank you for this. Yes, I tend to feel anger when I see ''other'' random injustices. ''Bad'' people getting ahead in life, is one of them. 9/11 is another. And on and on. I don't like feeling this way, though. It has been such a colossal time waster for me in my life. :(

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Bless you for this, konnie. I'm running out the door, now...but wanted to say thank you for this. Yes, I tend to feel anger when I see ''other'' random injustices. ''Bad'' people getting ahead in life, is one of them. 9/11 is another. And on and on. I don't like feeling this way, though. It has been such a colossal time waster for me in my life. :(

I hear what you are saying, for sure. It is frustrating to me when I see such random injustices, like murderers who roam free while innocent people suffer. But life is what it is, and well, I guess no one told us life is fair. I am sure that there are times when people have even looked at my life and thought, "Well, why does she get this or that? That's so unfair!" You know what I mean? Sometimes I wonder, "What exactly does fair mean, and whose definition do we follow?"

Acccckkkkk. All this philosophizing... :) Makes you think, doesn't it?

ModKonnie

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This is the same as me, I seem to not be able to let go of my anger. It's not everyday either but some days are bad ones. I'm angry at the world for it happening without reason and annoyed that people don't seem to care about you as much as time goes on. I guess it's one of those emotions that will go with time?....I hope so.

X

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Darcy and Deidre,

This is something I think we all can sympathize with. We all see injustices no matter our backgrounds, race, or social status. I have done extensive reading on this subject and have come across many things that have brought me comfort.

I agree with ModKonnie, after letting go of the anger you can actually turn it into a positive emotion. Contrary to popular belief, studies have now shown that acting on anger leads to more aggression. However, anger can also become another symptom of grief and it can be directed at doctors, nurses, friends or relatives who no matter what they say or do it's never the right thing. This is completely normal within the grieving process. In fact, in many cases you will come out stronger because the grief experience has taught you empathy, a better understanding and identification of those who are bereaved. You will become an asset to others who have also suffered the loss of a loved one. There will be a time that your feelings of anger will level off and that your memories will promote affection more than grief or anger.

Injustice though, is an inescapable fact of life. The Bible says: "So if you see any oppression of the one of little means and the violent taking away of judgement...do not be amazed over the affair". (Ecclesiastes 5:8) But along those lines we are also warned to "let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath be taken away from you" (Ephesians 4:31) Because in the long run, this is self-destructive. Even though there is no quick fix to these problems you can do things to help with the overwhelming feelings.

Try reading material that specifically deals with the difficulties you have experienced. Sharing your feelings with an empathetic listener can be of much help. I really like ModKonnie's advice on writing it down and saying goodbye to those feelings. I have actually done that and it works. :-) While at home, maintaining your daily routine of meaningful activities can also be helpful, it can do a lot to keep your mind off negative thoughts.

Fortunately, injustice will not go on forever and knowing that fact can also help us cope with our current problems, but that might be a subject for a different thread ;-)

Ada

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Deidra, I lost my mom 6 months ago and it is so hard, you need more support. My mom was my best friend and she was 87.

Ok, i am on facebook at dad245@nau.edu

I would love to hear from you. i know pain also and am an only child but my mom was older. I will pray for your strength, healing and new beginnings for you. God bless you. I joined a grief support group helped alot and some other groups. i go every week. take classes, go to the gym,

Blessings

Deb

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My father passed away 2 years ago, and I am still angry over it. While I understand that everyone dies, that doesn't console me at all when I sat at my father's bedside and watched him take his last breath after a courageous battle with cancer. I know that we can deal with anger either in a positive or negative way. Anger clouds the mind and emotions and, at least in my situation, keeps me from processing other emotions I am feeling.

I often wonder if the anger will ever go away?

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I can understand what you are going through in your life. Everybody goes through this but they need to look into their future rather than getting worried about their past.

I may advice you to look forward in your life as life is more than this.

You need to move on life.

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When my mother committed suicide I was in my first year of grad school. I was an older student and this was a career change for me. I was so angry. However, the anger carried me through 3 years of school. It was a good psychological defense at the time. I remember thinking "this crazy family has taken enough from me. I'm going to get this degree no matter what." After school, where I was constantly busy, I had more free time. Then other emotions set in. I still got angry on occasion, but it wasn't constant, I think you will be angry as long as you need to be. There is no set formula. I've never seen anyone stay angry forever.

Sincerely,

Mandala

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When my mother committed suicide I was in my first year of grad school. I was an older student and this was a career change for me. I was so angry. However, the anger carried me through 3 years of school. It was a good psychological defense at the time. I remember thinking "this crazy family has taken enough from me. I'm going to get this degree no matter what." After school, where I was constantly busy, I had more free time. Then other emotions set in. I still got angry on occasion, but it wasn't constant, I think you will be angry as long as you need to be. There is no set formula. I've never seen anyone stay angry forever.

Sincerely,

Mandala

Hello, Mandala My brother committed suicide as well. I find myself still angry, I just don't know how he could have done that leave us in that way. I feel he left so much here me, his kids, his family that loved him so much. the was it was done so public and painfull by jumping off the fwy overpass onto the fwy and noe of the cars stoped. I am still trying to find how to sleep at night without the constance dreams about it and what he could have looked like after. I do understand yor pain and anger I as well use my anger to help me get though my degree as you.I wish you well in your recovery and more anger free days

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I understand.

Feeling there is no where else to go with this anger.

MY S/O died nearly 5 years ago. Before they found his brain tumor , he turned on me with unexpected rage caused by the tumor

10 months previously. I was beaten beyond recognition bruised and battered. After physically healing 100 miles away and finding out the cause of his anger, i returned to care for him at home for 4 months until he passed.

I went through a year of therapy and counseling, i've had great support from loved ones, i have a borderline relationship now with someone who works 1800 miles away ( safety in miles)

my problem, no matter how i've tried to release it, to heal, just when i believe i'm past it, the anger still surfaces. Under stress, days of pain, physical reminders , days when i'm trying to cope with things he used to take care of. birthday, car problems, it never surfaces in the same spot, so to speak. or the same way. Panic attackes to out right screaming at 'him or the universe.

Somedays i just mentally suck my thumb, others i beat a rubber maid trashcan with a base ball bat until i colapse from exhaustion.

Maybe I just needed to write it out. but i sure would like to not go throughit again.

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