My mother

[My Light]

I lost my mother yesterday night. I held her hand, caressed her face, whispering I love you Mom as she passed into spirit. Then my world changed

Mother and me were really close. We talked about anything. On days when I was sick, she went out to pharmacy for medicine, made food for me even though she herself didn't feel well many times. I always helped mother with her things, big and small. She was my support, my confidante, my best friend - as I was to her. She lived alone, but if she needed anything or just wanted to talk, she would call me and I would be right there. She was a simple woman with a pure generous heart of love. The small things mattered to her. I used to make a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice for her every morning, bring her newspaper, give her a warm robe on the cold evenings .. small but happy things for both of us. There were many ..

Always when mother saw a rainbow she would say to me "At the End of the Rainbow we will see each other again .."

I feel like drifting on an ocean of grief, memories and missing coming in waves of varying intensity. The horizon is nowhere in sight. I'm not sure if I will make it through this. I have no one to talk with. I was Mom's only child

I hurt physically from deep within my souls essence. I am tired .. The only comfort I have, is knowing Mom has no pains now and that we WILL see each other again

My happiness, my light, all the joys of yesterday - have gone. Tears, loneliness and memories are all that is left as I drift between the waves ..

I just want to go Home .. and be with Mom

[BEQUET93]

Please accept my condolences for your great loss. While not exactly the same, I have felt a similar pain and know how intense and deep it goes.

The first days are indeed the most difficult. Sometimes, I think back to that first week of November and wonder how I survived. For the first week after her death, I continued to sleep in the living room and didn't want the hospital bed removed. I was in the habit of being around her and everything was a reminder of her absence, which I felt acutely. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go on living. I still miss her and have moments of heavy sadness, which will probably last till the end of my own days, but that is okay. I will miss her and be sad, because I loved her and she was a good mom.

It has only been a few days, so be kind and patient with yourself. When that wound is still fresh, it can be a hodgepodge of tears, confusion, disbelief, shock, sadness, and loneliness. Take it an hour at a time, if need be. Your mother may be physically gone, but you can still feel a connection with her-whatever you think will work for you. After my grandma passed, I made a shrine for her and, now, I have a shrine for my mother. I saved their individual personal items and other reminders of them. I have a photograph of each of them placed with those respective objects. I continue to try to live as they would want and work at making the changes my mother asked me to promise that I would make, before she passed. One day, I will be off cigarettes and it will be because I still have a connection with my mother and love and respect her. None of that sort of thing might work for you, but you might be able to find something that helps. If anything, you carry her genes.

Given your close relationship with your mother, the coming weeks and months will be hard, but don't cease from trying. Your mother would want you to make it through the grieving process. Also, your mother's saying about rainbows is poignantly lovely. I'm still at work and had to step outside, because it left me choked up.

Best wishes to you.

[Hudson]

My Light,

I am so sorry. I know everybody says that, but I am sorry and know what you're going through. My Mom meant everything to me too. She was the one person who understood me. I started crying when I read how you held your Mom's hand and caressed her face as she passed into spirit.  That's exactly what I did. Your posting feels so similar in so many ways. This is the most pain I have ever been in.  You are dealing with so much. I do understand the loneliness.  I sometimes go ten hours without talking to anyone.  Well I have 2 crazy dogs, but we don't have a lot of conversations.  I am sitting across from her urn and her kindergarten picture.  It's hard for me to believe she is in there. My Mom went back and forth to the hospital so many times.  I think I'm waiting for her to com eback. Her seat on the couch is untouched. I know she's not coming back, but I get so sad thinking that I don't know when I will see her again. I keep thinking how much I want to see her soon, but my sister made me promise I wouldn't leave her alone.  I don't think I'm saying the right things,  but the people in this group have been so kind to me. They will do the same for you and you might feel so alone.

Take care.

 

 

 

[My Light]

Thank you Bequet93 and Hudson for your sentiments. You relate the feeling I feel because you have experienced and feel it yourselves

What we once enjoyed deeply we can never lose, it has become part of us which will live on forever

Like my own mother I like simple things, so I will let the silence speak between hearts which once were happy and now shattered

Know that my sympathies and love goes out to both of you beautiful people and all who have experienced this excruciating feeling of loss

[Monty]

My Light,

I am so sorry you are going through this. The love of a mother is unlike any other love we are privileged to experience in our lifetime. This love is filled with warmth, care, compassion and stillness. Your Mother’s love still surrounds you now.

You are still trying to process your loss. The loss of your mother, your friend, a confidant, a nurturer and so many other things.

I know after the loss of both of my parents. I have never felt so alone in my life. Even though I have two siblings experiencing the same loss as me but we grieve very differently. I felt like and still often do, like I am stuck in a little row boat, out in the middle of the ocean with no oar or engine and no compass to guide me. I am just floating there. Completely and utterly alone.

Please know that you may feel alone but you are not. There are many people on this forum who are going through or have been through what you are experiencing. It is rough, intense and soul crushing. We understand. We are here for you. Be kind to yourself. 

[Trikwuchi]

Sorry for the loss of your mum. I know how you feel. It leaves such a big void in your life which is irreplaceable. 

It's a month since my mum passed and the shock and pain are still with me. 

All I can say is remember the good times you had with her. Know that it is painful and that the pain we all feel is a consequence of the love we had. No love = no pain....but we all loved. 

Take care 

[Hudson]

Hi All,

I feel lost and alone.  Time is not making things better.  The days are so long. 

Did I ever mention that I had two dogs?  The reason I mention it is because my Mom loved and spoiled them.  One has a barking problem and is driving me crazy. I love them, but it seems so hard to deal with them with my Mom gone.  They're not exactly comforting.  Sorry that I'm talking about dogs.

Hudson