South Carolina

[South Carolina]

Hi, been gone for awhile , 1st I want to apologize for my thoughts about the afterlife. No body knows , that’s for certain in my opinion. It’s been since thanksgiving day I lost my partner. She was my reason for living . Now there’s just no point of still being , here no I’m not suicidal, I’ve come to the reality that there’s really no reason for me to exist. No partner, no children , no pets , no job , my health’s terrible I have a number of health problems, taking 10 meds a day . Can’t dance , have PAD ,congestive heart failure , A fib, high blood pressure. Not in a wheelchair yet but I know that’s coming , so my point is what’s the point , there isn’t one. By the way I’m 73. I don’t want to be a burden to any one. There’s no love in my life anymore, can no longer take walks on the beach because of PAD. Crap! Life’s coming to an end. 

 

[SDC]

I'm sorry you're in a dark place and feeling hopeless. I know it's awful and all consuming. Even though you say you aren't actively suicidal, I suggest you call a suicide hotline. The national hotline is 800-273-8255. You can say "I'm not actively planning suicide, but I don't see any point in staying alive" when someone answers. It's important to get your thoughts out of your head and to listen to someone's response to them. 

[jmmosley53]

I am sorry South Carolina but whoever told you there was no point in living is full of baloney.  There is always a point to life.  Life is coming to an end for everyone, but I imagine that if marauders' entered your home and held their hands over your face you would fight for life.

I do not mean to minimize your feels, I can see you are in a very deep depression but it make me so mad to hear people so ready to toss away their life.  

Do you know what I would give if I had  a few minutes of my husbands life back - ANYTHING

You have value, sure there are health issues, all us old people have health issues.  

Maybe if you ate a big bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce and whip cream a tiny speck of joy would come to you.  Then you could grow that speck into full blown smiles and a since of peace.  I am sort of kidding you, I am sorry if it is offensive.  I just think all life is precious.

 

[KayC]

Welcome back.  I am so sorry to hear of your declining health and hope you are able to get it managed.  We aren't dead yet.  While we are still alive there is hope in something improving, if we look hard enough and embrace it, no matter how small, nothing is too insignificant to count.  Do you have support of family/friends?  Is there anything you can enjoy even just a bit, a walk, like jmmosley53 said, ice cream, talking to someone, t.v., reading, anything!  Limit exposure to the news, it helps no one's depression, esp. this year.

I am diabetic, it was uncontrolled, on maximum doses of Rxs.  I'd gone to doctors, dietitians, taken diabetic classes, no help.  New Years 2020 I started low carb eating and took it very seriously!  I lost 73 lbs (down to 107) and got my health under control, off the Rxs.  I look and feel great except I had some injuries to my hands that the nerve conduction studies rated as severe.  I've lived with pain in both hands for 11 months, struggling to do what I need to do (haul firewood, shovel snow, cook, clean, do the church's books, etc.)  I also walk my puppy 2-3 times/day.  It CAN be done if you are willing!  I am moderator of a diabetic group and am learning, learning, learning each and every day!  Life is out there, we have but to want and look for it.  It's up to us to create it.

I'm sorry everything is seeming so bleak to you, I think most of us have been there.  It takes much time and effort to make it through the hurdle.

[Yoli]

South Carolina,

I can totally relate to the 'no partner, no children, no pets'. The health issues I can only imagine how hard they must be for you. I guess I am right in thinking that you miss your wife even more because of these issues - your number one support. That must make it so much harder for you.