Members Pandora79 Posted January 28, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2021 I lost my Mom two months ago to metastatic breast cancer and I am still a complete mess. Mom was a single parent and I was her only child. Of course all of the arrangements, newspaper notices, and moving all her things out of her apartment fell to me. Three days after her service I was in her house packing everything that was her. Since then I only exist. I literally stay in my room 24/7 leaving only to go out for a smoke. Whatever it is that I'm doing is not living. It's not even surviving. It's just existing. She was my entire world. My support, my confidante, my nemesis and most of all my best friend. It's always been her and I against the world.... Now I have nothing. Everything that was good about life left with her and I desperately wish that she would have taken me with her. Every night I cry and beg and plead with her and any forces that be to come back just to get me. Or at the very least, to not let me wake up until I can wake and be with her. I thought that loneliness and I were good friends, well acquainted with spending time together; but i was wrong. So very very wrong. I've never felt emptiness like this or loneliness as bad as I do all the time now. To add insult to injury... The hand that I would normally reach for, is the hand that is no longer there. I am so very very broken and I don't know what to do. Sometimes the pain is so bad I feel it on a physical level... And it feels like I am going to go clinically insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted January 28, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2021 I am sorry for your loss and know how difficult it can be. There are moments I miss my mom so much that my body hurts. We were housemates, I saw her every day, and we hardly ever did anything without each other. It is clear that your mom was a big part of your life and you are feeling so miserable, because you loved her so much. While I do not believe you are anywhere near insanity, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or your doctor, because you may have become clinically depressed. Please continuing visiting this forum and sharing. Grief is a trying journey and there can be no going back to the way things were, but there can be a new normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Trikwuchi Posted January 28, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2021 Pandora, I'm sorry for the loss of your dear mom. I can't imagine how much harder it is dealing with the loss as an only child. I too have lost my dear mum recently...to Covid and I feel so angry, upset and like she's been stolen from our lives before her time. I'm sure your mom would want you to carry on and live a good life. Have you tried some bereavement therapy? You may find it helpful. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kelsi32 Posted January 30, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 I’m so sorry for your pain and I understand completely. I lost my mom two weeks ago to peritoneal metastatic cancer. It’s just now starting to sink in that she’s gone for good. It’s been devastating to say the least. She was robbed of life and experiences and so was I. I find comfort in knowing she’s not in pain anymore because I watched her suffer greatly. There is no timeline on grieving. Let’s try to be gentle with ourselves and listen to our minds and bodies needs. I have been crying a lot and I know that normal. Grieve is love with nowhere to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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