Members Leashya Posted August 16, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hello,I am looking for help. Just three weeks ago, my beautiful nephew, Christian, lost his life in a tragic accident. Christian is the youngest of my brother's two sons and he was five. The accident happened when Christian was outside playing with some other children in the neighborhood, a few hundred feet away from where my brother was digging a flood trench with a tractor. The tractor was partially blocking the street, so when a driver came down the street, my brother backed the tractor up to let the driver by. In those brief moments, Christian had gotten behind the tractor and my brother did not know. My brother is a good man. He is the best father I have ever known. He is a policeman who has personally saved other children's lives and he completely blames himself for this tragedy. Christian's parents had warned him about the tractor and how dangerous it was; they told him to stay away from it, but he was a five-year-old boy who was busy playing. I feel that there is no blame here, only tragedy. I tell my brother often that I love him and I'm here for him. I don't know what else to do. I miss my nephew terribly- we are a close family- and I fear for my brother and his family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 17, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 Tearful one,I am sorry for your tragedy and you are right, your brother is not to blame.I recently read a book about a Christian Song Wroter who lost their 3 year old daughter is kinda the same way. Their 17 year old son was backing a big truck out of the driveway and did not see his sister. He ran over her and killed her. The family wrote a book about their experience and how it was hardest for the 17 year old to forgive himself, but no-one else blamed him.Compassionate Friends is a group in many areas of the country that meet monthly. All have lost children from any age, any reason. And then there is this forum.In my opinion, guilt is a demon who sits on my shoulder telling me lies. Lies on how terrible a parent I am because our 16 year old son died car-surfing. And how I am a terrible person who cannot even keep their kids alive let alone take care of them. But, the 3 years I have been on this grief journey, I have realized that this demon is not right. I am a good parent who loves their children, husband, and I also help others. This realization took a LONG TIME. And your brother's will also. Just keep telling him he is a great man and it was not his fault - one day those words will stick.Your family and your brother's family are in my thoughts.Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Leashya Posted August 17, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 Thank you, Colleen. I am so sorry for your loss as well. Your words give me hope that my brother and sister-in-law will someday find peace. Thank you for sharing your heart with me.Your family is in my thoughts as well.Leashya, one of many tearful ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted August 18, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Hello,I am looking for help. Just three weeks ago, my beautiful nephew, Christian, lost his life in a tragic accident. Christian is the youngest of my brother's two sons and he was five. The accident happened when Christian was outside playing with some other children in the neighborhood, a few hundred feet away from where my brother was digging a flood trench with a tractor. The tractor was partially blocking the street, so when a driver came down the street, my brother backed the tractor up to let the driver by. In those brief moments, Christian had gotten behind the tractor and my brother did not know. My brother is a good man. He is the best father I have ever known. He is a policeman who has personally saved other children's lives and he completely blames himself for this tragedy. Christian's parents had warned him about the tractor and how dangerous it was; they told him to stay away from it, but he was a five-year-old boy who was busy playing. I feel that there is no blame here, only tragedy. I tell my brother often that I love him and I'm here for him. I don't know what else to do. I miss my nephew terribly- we are a close family- and I fear for my brother and his family.Tearful one,I am so very sorry about the tragic accident that took your Christian's life. Your brother faces a tough road ahead of him, but with enough support, he will learn to forgive himself and move forward. I am glad you are supportive. Do you talk about your brother's feelings with him? Will he share? Is he going to any counseling? Continue to tell him you are there for him. Do not be afraid to mention your nephew's name and talk about him with your family. I personally work with women who have been involved in accidents that resulted in the loss of their children's lives. The guilt is a major hurdle for them, but talking it through and reassuring helps them realize that accidents are horrible but they are what they are. While the road is not going to be smooth, it is a journey many people have traveled. We will be here for you and your family.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Leashya Posted August 18, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 ModKonnie,Thank you for your compassion and understanding. So far, my brother has shared only that he feels "broken in half". I live in a different state right now, but other family members who are close in proximity have been staying with my brother and sister-in-law, so they have not been alone since the accident. My brother has said that he is willing to seek counseling, but only with someone who has experience with this sort of tragedy. He may be more open to support groups with other parents who have experienced losing a child in such a way. I am encouraged by your work with women, although it is sad that so many parents go through this. I have been sending my brother the responses that I receive on this forum; I hope he will visit this supportive place on his own one day. Thank you again for being here.Leashya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members briansdad Posted August 18, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 HERE IS A LINK THAT MAY BE HELPFUL.http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=5519704&page=1GregBriansdad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted August 19, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2011 ModKonnie,Thank you for your compassion and understanding. So far, my brother has shared only that he feels "broken in half". I live in a different state right now, but other family members who are close in proximity have been staying with my brother and sister-in-law, so they have not been alone since the accident. My brother has said that he is willing to seek counseling, but only with someone who has experience with this sort of tragedy. He may be more open to support groups with other parents who have experienced losing a child in such a way. I am encouraged by your work with women, although it is sad that so many parents go through this. I have been sending my brother the responses that I receive on this forum; I hope he will visit this supportive place on his own one day. Thank you again for being here.LeashyaLeashya,Please encourage your brother to give this site a try while he is waiting to find a support group that understands. This is the most supportive community in the world. It is sad that many parents go through this, but we always say at the prison where I work that "it is what it is, and there is no way to go backwards in time--just forward." Accidents happen, regardless of how tragic they turn out. In my work as an Addictions Recovery Specialist at the prison, I deal with horrible tragedies that many times result in mothers abusing drugs to escape their pain, and/or tragedies that result from mothers abusing drugs and alcohol. As part of our therapy program, we use AA's 12 Steps to Recovery. The extremely successful and highly effective Step program works because of the spiritual foundation and the belief in a Higher Power who is in control and can lead, guide, help and comfort us if we allow Him. It is a very comforting and powerful program. The first step is "Admit I am powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." Well, we substitute the word "alcohol" for many things--drugs, death, loss, etc.... I am telling you this because no matter how much we wish, want and try to change the past, we cannot. We have to somehow learn to accept it and move forward. It is difficult, but it is do-able. My heart aches for your brother and his family, but if you all stick together and work as a family, your brother and his wife will begin to move forward. Continue to talk with him and encourage him. I can share some stories with him of others who have experienced similar accidents if he'd like. He doesn't have to post on this forum for others to read. He can email me at konnie@beyondindigo.com and/or private message me on this site. I have several people who regularly private message me because they are not ready to disclose their personal tragedies with others. Please continue to share with him and support him and his family. You are obviously a great sister. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted August 19, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2011 HERE IS A LINK THAT MAY BE HELPFUL.http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=5519704&page=1GregBriansdadGreg,Thank you for sharing this story with us. What a strong family they are.ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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