Physical feelings im having

[Jason B]

Hey guys. My fiance passed away in march leaving behind our little girl and I. My chest has been burning almost constantly since she passed my ears are almost always ringing from stress and ive been having panic attacks and i feel constantly sad. This is absolutely the hardest most terrifying thing ive ever dealt with. She had a heart attack at 29 found her on the floor and her mother and i attempted cpr but it was to no avail. I havent been suppressing feelings on purpose except for at work and even some people i know that have experienced a similar loss say it gets easier as time goes by but honestly everyday just seems to be getting harder and harder. Has anyone ever been in or is anyone in a similar boat as myself

[Gail 8588]

Jason,

I am so very sorry for your loss.  It is so unfair and cruel for her to be taken so young.  My heart breaks for you and your daughter. 

It really shocked me to find out how actually physically painful grief could be.  At times I was in a great deal of physical pain, in waves, not constantly.  I could not believe that I would survive sometimes. My chest hurt so badly, I thought this must be a heart attack. My head would feel like it was going to explode, surely I would die.  But I never did.   I don't know how. 

These waves of panic and pain were the times that I had to focus on just getting through this moment. To keep breathing was my goal, and that was difficult enough. 

I did discuss these episodes with my doctor. He did prescribe medications which I took. Some I still take. 

I do recommend you talk to your doctor. 

I am so sorry you are in such pain.  I hope it helps a little to know you are not alone in experiencing such pain many months after you loved one's death. 

Everyone's journey is unique so your time frame and mine won't be the same, but for what it is worth, I don't believe I had any of those excruciatingly painful episodes after the first 2 years.  Yours may fall away sooner. 

Gail

[Jason B]

Thank you gail i really appreciate its comforting to know im not the only one that feels those pains even though they really suck i hate that it has to feel this way thank you for sharing!!!

[jmmosley53]

Jason B

I am so sorry for your tragic loss.

I know what you mean about the physical pain grief can brings.  The chest pain that stabs your heart  when you have a sudden awareness that they are really gone. I had those several times a day at first, but they are becoming fewer.  My throat hurt so bad from sobbing. My head ached.  Sometimes I would cry so hard I'd hyperventilate.  I think being female makes crying in public a little more acceptable than a male might experience.  I don't try to suppress my grief.  I would explode if I tried .

I imagine that you must try and hold it together for your daughter's sake, how horrible that must be for you.  

The stress that you are under can manifest in many physical ways.  Be sure and take the best care of yourself you can, to guard against adding to the stress you are suffering.

 

[jwahlquist]

It has been nearly a year now since my husband passed away.  The physical aspects of grief are awful.  My doctor has me on medications to deal with the depression and anxiety I have been experiencing since he died. The anti-anxiety medication helps with the physical symptoms.   I don’t particularly like having to take medication but the alternative is not being functional for work or even life for that matter.  

[KayC]

Panic attacks can feel just like a heart attack and the only way to know the difference is to have it checked out by a doctor.  Don't assume!  Anxiety is very common in early grief and even beyond.  But grief can cause physical symptoms as well...

https://whatsyourgrief.com/physical-grief-symptoms/
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/physical-reactions-to-loss.html

 

I am very sorry for your loss, you have found a good place to come to here and I hope you will continue to come.  It helps to express yourselves to other who "get it."

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

[Jason B]

Oh yeah ive been checked they all say im good its just a hard thing to shake the physical heartache is like constant

[Sparky1]

5 minutes ago, Jason B said:

Oh yeah ive been checked they all say im good its just a hard thing to shake the physical heartache is like constant

The heartache is literally painful. I have it right in the middle of the chest and at times it's pretty intense. I've already had a physical and everything is good but that tightness sure doesn't feel great. I even get the occasional cough because the chest tightens so much. Grieving is not easy for anyone.