4 years down the line and the pain is getting worse

[Charlie4298]

My whole world broke four years ago when I lost my Mum. I'm in my 20's so finding someone who understands isn't easy. Unfortunately I lost all my friends after she passed, I get it they probably didn't know what to say to me but it hurt more for then to say nothing. It's now four years later and the pain I feel is worse than ever. It's like it's only just hit me that she's never coming back. I have the most amazing boyfriend who supports me every way he can but at the minute I feel like my crying and grief is just taking over our relationship but I have nobody else to talk to. I just don't know who to turn to or how I am ever going to feel better than I do now. 

[Kell34]

I lost my mom suddenly 6 months ago, hearing that you are hurting as much as you are, 4yrs later, is so much nicer to hear than “time will heal all wounds” bullshit. My mom was my best friend in the whole world...i unfortunately lost connection with other family members because of her passing, but I didn’t have many friends, the ones I did have most definitely didn’t know what to say, and so, said nothing at all and that hurts worse for sure. I cry literally all the time, totally at random sometimes...I think that’s just something I’ll have to get used to. I’m realizing grief is a long and difficult thing to deal with and it’s great that you have an amazing supportive person in your life and I’m sure your mom would be happy you do. I feel better than I did 6months ago so I have faith you’ll feel better than you do now. 

[Monty]

I too lost my Mum 4 years ago and I recently also lost my wonderful Dad. This for me has resurfaced all the grief and hurt of losing Mum again. Now they are both gone.

I don’t think we ever get over such a significant loss. We just learn to live with it. It becomes a part of us forever and changes us forever. We become more grateful and compassionate towards others even though we walk around every day with our hearts shattered into a million pieces. 

People do not talk to me about my losses but it is because they still have their parents and do not understand the pain, loss and emptiness I am feeling. Unfortunately, they too will one day understand. It is inevitable. Maybe seeking professional help. Someone who gets paid to hear you talk about your loss may help.

 I try to be grateful for the time I had with my Mum and Dad, for my precious childhood memories and endless love.

I am a Mum myself and I know your Mum would want you to be happy. Put one foot in front of the other and remember it is ok to not be ok. Be however you need to be. 
 

Hugs to you. 

[reader]

Dear Charlie,

Losing a beloved parent is one of life's most painful experiences. And it is made worse when our friends and family and colleagues don't show us any sensitivity or compassion or kindness. It's a very lonely feeling. It's been 4 years for me too and I hear you. I still go back and relive the last year of my dad's life. Think about what I could have done differently and how I could have saved him.

My family even got mad at me for trying to express myself. I am so grateful I found this forum and I was able to meet lots of people who understood and supported me. I also tried grief counselling, grief support group and MeetUp groups and Facebook groups for grief support. Please know you are not alone. It's hard. But there are good people in the world to connect with. I also found these websites very helpful

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Hang in there and keep doing the best you can. And as one friend told me remember you are a survivor and you've come this far...so we have to keep going. (((hugs)))

[BEQUET93]

22 hours ago, Monty said:

I too lost my Mum 4 years ago and I recently also lost my wonderful Dad. This for me has resurfaced all the grief and hurt of losing Mum again. Now they are both gone.

I don’t think we ever get over such a significant loss. We just learn to live with it. It becomes a part of us forever and changes us forever. We become more grateful and compassionate towards others even though we walk around every day with our hearts shattered into a million pieces. 

People do not talk to me about my losses but it is because they still have their parents and do not understand the pain, loss and emptiness I am feeling. Unfortunately, they too will one day understand. It is inevitable. Maybe seeking professional help. Someone who gets paid to hear you talk about your loss may help.

 I try to be grateful for the time I had with my Mum and Dad, for my precious childhood memories and endless love.

I am a Mum myself and I know your Mum would want you to be happy. Put one foot in front of the other and remember it is ok to not be ok. Be however you need to be. 
 

Hugs to you. 

Emphatically agreed. When I was a boy, I was my grandma's favorite. She always wanted a son, but had two daughters, one of whom died in infancy. When I was born, they said she jumped up and shouted, "I finally got that boy!" She lived in the house next to ours and I don't remember a time of her not being there. At the end of her life, she was 80 years old and I was 33, but she still said I was her "special little guy." My mom also liked to baby me and referred to me as her "little son", even though I am in my mid-40's. In 2014, she came to live with me, so I was with her every day. Mom's death brought back the feelings of losing my grandma and the awareness that they are both gone. I know I am 45 and not a little kid, but it is scary to have no more parents or grandma. Though I am middle-aged,  I find myself thinking and feeling afraid that there is now no one to keep me safe from all the bad things in the world, but most people don't understand, because they still have at least one parent. In my workplace, only two people have lost both their parents and there are a few even older than me who still have both. They try to offer kind words and I am polite, but sometimes feel like saying, "How could you understand what this is like?"

I try to keep my mom and grandma in mind and remember how they responded to these changes, when they happened to them. By the end of her life, my grandma had lost a daughter, her only sibling, her parents, and her grandparents. My mom had lost her sister, parents, grandparents, and husband. They never stopped missing them, but they were able to move forward in life. I can't say when, but firmly believe the day will come when every one of us will feel better. Best wishes to you all.

[Charlie4298]

On 1/24/2021 at 3:00 AM, Kell34 said:

I lost my mom suddenly 6 months ago, hearing that you are hurting as much as you are, 4yrs later, is so much nicer to hear than “time will heal all wounds” bullshit. My mom was my best friend in the whole world...i unfortunately lost connection with other family members because of her passing, but I didn’t have many friends, the ones I did have most definitely didn’t know what to say, and so, said nothing at all and that hurts worse for sure. I cry literally all the time, totally at random sometimes...I think that’s just something I’ll have to get used to. I’m realizing grief is a long and difficult thing to deal with and it’s great that you have an amazing supportive person in your life and I’m sure your mom would be happy you do. I feel better than I did 6months ago so I have faith you’ll feel better than you do now. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't get me wrong things do get a little easier and then the next day they might not but I wish more people has been honest with me than like you said “time will heal all wounds” bullshit. I also lost connection with most of my mum's family because of her passing. That has been a struggle for me as well as I feel like I lost more than just my mum and my family seems so small now. My Mum loved organising Christmas and family gathering and now at those times I feel guilty that I'm not able to carry them on in her memory, I worry that she will be disappointed in me. I cry at random times too but its best just to let it out in the car driving anywhere is where you'll most likely find me sobbing my heart out. I hope you are okay and thank you for responding to my post it was my first ever post on a forum and I was very nervous but to see your response and see how alike some of our circumstances are has been so comforting to me. Look after yourself x 

[Charlie4298]

On 1/24/2021 at 5:27 AM, Monty said:

I too lost my Mum 4 years ago and I recently also lost my wonderful Dad. This for me has resurfaced all the grief and hurt of losing Mum again. Now they are both gone.

I don’t think we ever get over such a significant loss. We just learn to live with it. It becomes a part of us forever and changes us forever. We become more grateful and compassionate towards others even though we walk around every day with our hearts shattered into a million pieces. 

People do not talk to me about my losses but it is because they still have their parents and do not understand the pain, loss and emptiness I am feeling. Unfortunately, they too will one day understand. It is inevitable. Maybe seeking professional help. Someone who gets paid to hear you talk about your loss may help.

 I try to be grateful for the time I had with my Mum and Dad, for my precious childhood memories and endless love.

I am a Mum myself and I know your Mum would want you to be happy. Put one foot in front of the other and remember it is ok to not be ok. Be however you need to be. 
 

Hugs to you. 

Thanks so much for your kind words. You are so right I think I need to learn that it's okay to not be okay. Me and my Dad don't talk about my Mum much as I worry about upsetting him but it would be nice to share some memories of her. I just need to let myself be upset in front of other people I've become quite good and keeping a wall up to not let others see how much I am hurting. 

[Charlie4298]

On 1/24/2021 at 7:49 AM, reader said:

Dear Charlie,

Losing a beloved parent is one of life's most painful experiences. And it is made worse when our friends and family and colleagues don't show us any sensitivity or compassion or kindness. It's a very lonely feeling. It's been 4 years for me too and I hear you. I still go back and relive the last year of my dad's life. Think about what I could have done differently and how I could have saved him.

My family even got mad at me for trying to express myself. I am so grateful I found this forum and I was able to meet lots of people who understood and supported me. I also tried grief counselling, grief support group and MeetUp groups and Facebook groups for grief support. Please know you are not alone. It's hard. But there are good people in the world to connect with. I also found these websites very helpful

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Hang in there and keep doing the best you can. And as one friend told me remember you are a survivor and you've come this far...so we have to keep going. (((hugs)))

Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss but your kind words mean so much to me. I will definitely look at some of those other websites. This was my first post on a forum ever but the comfort and relief I felt for posting it has been far beyond what I ever imagined.