Post traumatic stress disorder - Deafh

[jake9898]

Last fall was father was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. He was never sick a day in his life; never missed work, never smoked or used tobacco; then the first time he gets sick it cost him his life.

At the end of October I threw a party for my Mom and Dad in my home town in Ohio. They would have celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary on 8/11/11. The day after the party my mother started feeling stomach pain.

The night before Thanksgiving at 5pm we finally tracked down her asshole doctor who told us that my mother had stage 4 LIVER cancer. Thanksgiving day I checked my father into out patient hospice. Thanksgiving night I had to carry both my mother and father up the stairs because they were able to walk themselves.

My mother was going downhill so quickly and she was in so much pain ( they wouldn't admit her to the hospitable a couple days before because we didn't have a diagnosis ) that I was giving her my Dad's morphine to stop the pain.

I called hospice on Friday morning and they came and took my mother away. She died the Monday after Thanksgiving on 11/29.

My father was so distraught from the loss my mom that he went straight downhill and died on 12/23/11 two doors down from the room in hospice that my mother died in.

This past month I have developed SEVERE ANXIETY. I sold my parents home that I grew up in; Sold my parents cottage where we spent the summers, and visited my parents grave site for the first time since my father's death.

I miss my parents very much and now that I am closing the estate I feel like I have lost my childhood and connection to them as well. I can never go home again. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this type of anxiety or stress; but it is effecting my work and family. I have had panic attacks as well.

I simply don't know how to move on from the stress and grief of losing both my parents 24 days apart. Planning both funerals, writing the obituaries, contacting all the people was a nightmare.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Brad

[ModKonnie]

Last fall was father was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. He was never sick a day in his life; never missed work, never smoked or used tobacco; then the first time he gets sick it cost him his life.

At the end of October I threw a party for my Mom and Dad in my home town in Ohio. They would have celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary on 8/11/11. The day after the party my mother started feeling stomach pain.

The night before Thanksgiving at 5pm we finally tracked down her asshole doctor who told us that my mother had stage 4 LIVER cancer. Thanksgiving day I checked my father into out patient hospice. Thanksgiving night I had to carry both my mother and father up the stairs because they were able to walk themselves.

My mother was going downhill so quickly and she was in so much pain ( they wouldn't admit her to the hospitable a couple days before because we didn't have a diagnosis ) that I was giving her my Dad's morphine to stop the pain.

I called hospice on Friday morning and they came and took my mother away. She died the Monday after Thanksgiving on 11/29.

My father was so distraught from the loss my mom that he went straight downhill and died on 12/23/11 two doors down from the room in hospice that my mother died in.

This past month I have developed SEVERE ANXIETY. I sold my parents home that I grew up in; Sold my parents cottage where we spent the summers, and visited my parents grave site for the first time since my father's death.

I miss my parents very much and now that I am closing the estate I feel like I have lost my childhood and connection to them as well. I can never go home again. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this type of anxiety or stress; but it is effecting my work and family. I have had panic attacks as well.

I simply don't know how to move on from the stress and grief of losing both my parents 24 days apart. Planning both funerals, writing the obituaries, contacting all the people was a nightmare.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Brad

Brad,

I am so very sorry for the loss of both of your parents in such a short time. The stress, shock and trauma must have been completely overwhelming. I am sure reality is probably only now setting in, and it is difficult at best to cope at times.

Do you have a grief and loss counselor in your community, or do you have a grief and loss self help group you can attend? Talking about your pain and anguish is perhaps the best way to deal with it. Keeping a journal, writing down your feelings, is one way to get some type of order into your obviously stressed out world.

I know that when my father died, I did not want to go to my childhood home any longer. My mother moved closer to my sister and I, and we are selling our childhood home. Even now, I hate going there to visit because my father died in my former room, and the memories swamp me of growing up there. I miss him.

Because you say that you are experiencing severe anxiety, it may be time to talk to your physician about medicine to offer you temporary relief while you sort through your emotions and grief. Medicine doesn't take away all the pain, but it can offer respite and help you remain calm and think clearly. Otherwise, you are going to have to find some form of meditation, relaxation breathing, prayer, music, poetry or exercise to help with the anxiety and stress.

I know you miss your parents. Do you have any siblings or other relatives to talk to? What about friends or a spiritual leader?

Please know that you are not alone in your experience. Many people have lost their parents in similar situations. We have many people here who will talk to you and may be able to offer you encouragement, advice and support.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie