Rough Day Today

[Sparky1]

I thought going back to work would be a good thing to try and divert my thoughts  at least when I'm working. It seemed to be a little better lately, but then a few things occured today which hit me really hard. First, I was playing my little radio and our song came on. I had to drop what I was doing and just let it out. Nobody was around, but it wouldn't have mattered. It was our first song when we got married and we always danced to it at every function we went to. I used to call her every time that song came on the radio. 'Baby, they're playing our song' I can still picture her beautiful eyes and her smile as she looked at me. Secondly, about an hour later, I got a phone call from a  specialist doctor's receptionist telling me my wife had an upcoming appointment for her thyroid. I told her my wife passed away 3 months ago. My wife must have made the appointment back in August but I didn't even know about it. Another bout of breaking down, and it has been pretty rough after that today. I think one of those 'up' waves hit me. This is definitely not easy and those waves come unexpectedly.

[Dawn Wms]

So sorry to hear about your rough day.  I totally understand.  I went back to work after four months and I was not ready.  I still don't feel ready.  I don't think doing nothing would help, but neither does working.  That's just it: Nothing helps.  It is just miserable.

[widower2]

Sorry about all that. I know those days all too well. Yes those #### waves are usually out of nowhere. They should lessen in both intensity and frequency over time, FYI. Hold on as best you can, that's all anyone can ask.

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, Sparky1 said:

Secondly, about an hour later, I got a phone call from a  specialist doctor's receptionist telling me my wife had an upcoming appointment for her thyroid.

This one is so difficult.  It's been more than 2 years, yet bringing in the mail a week ago, I sorted through to find a reminder postcard from one of his specialists to make his follow up appointment.  It smacked me really hard in the heart.  I called the doctor's office and, without yelling or swearing, gave them what for.  It was so upsetting.

[Missy1]

They are ingrained in every single aspect of our lives, it’s difficult to do anything without sobbing or just remembering what our life was like. 

[Coops29]

Sparky1

I'm sorry that you had a bad day. I went back to work 6 months after my Don passing and at fist it was so hard listening to people talk about their husbands or wives and the plans they are making. I used to get very angry with them and myself for not having that life anymore. I then realised that it's not their fault and unfortunately life does go on but very different for me. Now if it gets to much I leave the room when they are talking or i will turn the radio off if playing our song. I am now able to talk about Don without a tsunami flooding over me and when I receive letters for him I take a deep breath and put them to one side till I feel ready to open them. 

It's whatever works for you and these waves will wash over for a long time to come as there is constant reminders all around us of the one we loved. 

I hope work becomes easier for you as I have found that as time as gone on I appreciate going to work ( I work for the NHS )  and looking after other people gives me some reprieve from my despair . 

 

[KayC]

I'm so sorry for the hard day you suffered.  I remember going through that as well.  It's hard to focus on our jobs when our hearts are in such devastation and our lives in upheaval.  I only pray things get better in time, for all of us, but I know that is a relative term and the only thing we truly want is what we can't have. 

 

[Roxeanne]

Rough moments are always in ambush to surprise you with memories....but over time their assault diminishes

Someday i am able to smile when something remember me a funny moment with my loved one

Someday other memories makes me cry again missing him