Members BBB Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 Well I guess they're all tough. I wake up each day since it happened, shaking my head in disbelief, waiting for someone to wake me up from this nightmare. I made it through the holidays, now I have to make it through our anniversary, which in many ways, is tougher. Damn this really really sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 Yeah, it does. I am coming up on the 25 days from his stroke to his death. Each of those days has numerous first and lasts that replay in my mind in real time. I don't want to relive those experiences again, but my brain can't seem to stop it. I feel like I am headed back to the whipping post. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 17, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said: but my brain can't seem to stop it. Boy can I relate to this. My brain is on constant overload, trying to make sense of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 I was at Walmart yesterday and the Valentine's stuff was out. I had to turn away from it, it was too much to take. Valentine's will be the next tough day and then her Birthday in March. I always used to get her flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, cards, etc for Valentine's. Her birthday was always a nice meal at a restaurant. This is killing me just thinking about it. I miss her so much every minute of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Maria_PI Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Sparky1 said: I was at Walmart yesterday and the Valentine's stuff was out. I had to turn away from it, it was too much to take. Valentine's will be the next tough day and then her Birthday in March. I always used to get her flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, cards, etc for Valentine's. Her birthday was always a nice meal at a restaurant. This is killing me just thinking about it. I miss her so much every minute of the day. Sparky1 I was just through the same thing yesterday when I went out to the mall, just to get out of the house, because working from home has put me in a position that I don't have human contact for days and weeks on end (I still don't consider Zoom or Teams or Skype as human contact). When I saw all the Valentine's stuff out already, I just had to leave the store... I suspect I will be avoiding shopping till past that date. We got engaged on Valentine's day and that was really more of our anniversary than the wedding. We would go out to a special restaurant or to a jazz club or a concert, always something special on Valentine's day... I miss my True Love badly and it hurts so much now, I don't think it will ever stop hurting, just have to take it one day at a time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwahlquist Posted January 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2021 Well so far each milestone has been just as tough as the previous. My husband passed away nearly a year ago. Just knowing that it has been almost a year since I have heard his voice and felt his warm embrace makes me sad. I have made it through my daughter’s birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas and now today, his birthday. I have found some peace but I still miss him terribly. I don’t think the sensation of missing him will ever be gone. But I get up each day and try harder than I did the last to be a good mom and a better person. Somedays I fail miserably but yet I still try......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Campdpi Posted January 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2021 Everyday seems pretty crappy. I have really bad PTSD from the stress and sometimes loose myself in horrible memories. I will say the holidays were super tough too...the absolute worst though was that day that my fiancé and I were supposed to get married...my heart shattered that day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 18, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 18, 2021 After the first year and those "firsts," Valentines Day and her birthday were always the hardest for me. I have certain things I do on each as a sort of tradition. New Years barely passed and they started putting out the Valentines crap, ugh. It doesn't hit me like it used to but I still look the other way. The upside is it did get easier over time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 18, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 18, 2021 22 hours ago, Sparky1 said: I was at Walmart yesterday and the Valentine's stuff was out. I had to turn away from it, it was too much to take. I'm glad I do my shopping on line and don't have to see the displays. Valentine's was a huge trigger for me, still pains me, as it was a day George & I fully celebrated together, having found love together for the first time in our lives. Our church used to have a Valentine's Banquet and we'd dress up and hold hands, and the love was so evident...after his death it was extremely painful to attend alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveNeverDies Posted January 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2021 It’s been about 7 weeks since he died, every day has been tough. I used to look forward to getting out of work so I could could come home and see his face , now I come home to just a picture of him on the wall .Life is beyond lonely without him, it’s torturous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted January 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2021 1 hour ago, LoveNeverDies said: I used to look forward to getting out of work so I could could come home and see his face , now I come home to just a picture of him on the wall I feel for you LoveNeverDies, the routine was the same with my wife. In the morning I would kiss her goodbye and tell her I love her, at lunch I would call her and tell her I love her. When I came home from work, I would kiss her and tell her I love you. Now I get up in the morning and cry under her portrait. When I leave I tell her I love her, no more calls at lunchtime ( this is very tough) and when I come home I cry under her portrait again. My life is pretty bleak without her, and very difficult at times. The future is so cold and lonely without her comforting presence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 19, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 19, 2021 I feel like George is forever immortalized in his picture up on the wall, smiling at me, in his 40s...while I am nearing 69 this year! I've aged but he hasn't. A picture is not the same as them being here to hold us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 19, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2021 I read all these posts and feel like NO ONE should have to go through something like this so gut wrenching and heart tearing but I am amazed at how many of us are having to go through it. I sympathize with all of you and share your grief. This is more than one person should have to bear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members steveb Posted January 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2021 These posts are heart wrenching. I only get through each day by telling myself that the next day will be better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2021 I too think all the days are bad but - it is the time of day that causes me the most sorrow. Dinner time is the worst, we didn't have breakfast or lunch together but dinner time was the whole fixing the food while talking and sitting down to eat. I feel his absence the most then. Dinner for 1 is wretched. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted January 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2021 4 hours ago, jmmosley53 said: I too think all the days are bad but - it is the time of day that causes me the most sorrow. Dinner time is the worst, we didn't have breakfast or lunch together but dinner time was the whole fixing the food while talking and sitting down to eat. I feel his absence the most then. Dinner for 1 is wretched. I'm just making dinner right now. Got home from work, took a shower and now am making dinner. My wife would always have dinner ready when I got home, and we would sit down together and talk a bit as well. Eating alone is not fun anymore, and I really don't care for the food, I miss being home with my wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 20, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 Man do I hear that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane R. E. Posted January 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 My husband was the cook in our relationship, so yes, dinner is a hard time for me too. Cooking for one sucks, so I mostly rely on frozen meals, which really aren't all that great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted January 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 Going out to breakfast on Saturday morning was something my hubby and I did nearly every week for a decade, after we were empty nesters. We had 3 or 4 regular places we would randomly rotate between depending on if we were in the mood for huevos rancheros or french toast from homemade bread, or if we wanted a view of the ocean etc. We were always so relaxed and happy to spend that time together just chatting. Just one of the many routines I really miss. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Roxeanne Posted January 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 I'm missing our special life together...it's hard to remember how beautiful it was! And how many times i laughed with him! "Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria" There is no greater sorrow than to be mindful of the happy time in misery." (Dante the Divine Comedy) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members luckystarhongkong Posted May 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted May 20, 2021 it's hard. It amazes me how everything turned upside down the moment she left. The restaurants we loved, the flower markets we bought potted plants, the trail we had walks together, the shops we visited often, even watching videos of places we had visited before....all the precious memories of our happy lives become triggers of my grief. Where can I hide? They'er everywhere. Not to mentioned mother's day, our daughter's birthday, anniversary etc; those joyful dates became something I dreaded most! How strange. It's hard to believe how quickly my life was forever changed: a lovely home turned into a prison, heaven into hell. I yearn to love her, take care of her and protect her again. But I can't. Life has no meaning anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted May 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted May 20, 2021 On 1/20/2021 at 2:03 PM, Roxeanne said: I'm missing our special life together...it's hard to remember how beautiful it was! And how many times i laughed with him! "Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria" There is no greater sorrow than to be mindful of the happy time in misery." (Dante the Divine Comedy) Very true. He could always make me laugh, even when I didn’t want to. I would be annoyed with him about something and he would say something funny. I’d say ”You just ruined a perfectly good snit!” and he would smirk and say, “I know.” Then we’d both laugh. It took a long time before I was able to remember all the wonderful, silly, and just day-to-day contentment without losing it. OTOH, for a long time, just about everything made me lose it. (I’m an English major, so Dante is near and dear to my heart. I still have John Ciardi’s translation in the bookcase. Some day I’d love to be able to read Italian well enough to tackle the original.) As for which day is the hardest, I can’t say. Maybe the first morning I woke up knowing I was truly alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 20, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted May 20, 2021 For me it was the weekends because that was always our time together. Starting Friday night through Sunday night especially but I miss sleeping together, waking up together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Roxeanne Posted May 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2021 On 5/20/2021 at 5:54 PM, foreverhis said: Some day I’d love to be able to read Italian well enough to tackle the original.) Thanks foreverhis..i'd like you can do it someday....though i have to say that even for an italian it is not so easy read Dante and understand... 'Cos he wrote in the ancient italian of 1300! We missed our good laughs with our loved ones....for me nothing is better than a laugh from the soul...! I forgot what it is to laugh heartily without him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members steveb Posted May 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2021 2 hours ago, Roxeanne said: We missed our good laughs with our loved ones....for me nothing is better than a laugh from the soul...! How true Roxeanne! I really miss Chong’s hearty laugh. And, the morning prayer, hug, and kiss before I went to work in the morning. It gave me the strength to go to work post chemo. I couldn’t have done it without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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