Members dsroufe Posted August 13, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 My dad was killed in a horrible accident in Illinois on his way back to Ohio from St Louis with a couple of friends. They were on their scooters when a 16 yr old boy with his father went off the side of the road then over corrected hitting one of my dads friends and putting him in the hospital and he then hit my dad head on. The owner of the car (the boys mother) had no insurance on the car. The accident happened on 6/9/11. I have so much anger and hurt built up that i'm not sure how to deal with things. I've been off work since he was killed and on short term disibility. I'm not sure how to deal with my feelings and get past it. I'm afraid if i do that I will forget about my dad. How do i get thru this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laurenvibezz Posted August 14, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 I know it is scary. You are normal. But trust me, you will never forget about the person you lost.I miss my Dad too. He got murdered which was a violent, unfair death. I wish it had been an accident. Anyways, this quote pretty much sums it up:"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear"- Anonymous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsroufe Posted August 15, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 I just feel like my life is falling apart. I have kids and grandkids that i need to be here for but i feel useless to them and i don't know how to turn that back around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted August 15, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 My dad was killed in a horrible accident in Illinois on his way back to Ohio from St Louis with a couple of friends. They were on their scooters when a 16 yr old boy with his father went off the side of the road then over corrected hitting one of my dads friends and putting him in the hospital and he then hit my dad head on. The owner of the car (the boys mother) had no insurance on the car. The accident happened on 6/9/11. I have so much anger and hurt built up that i'm not sure how to deal with things. I've been off work since he was killed and on short term disibility. I'm not sure how to deal with my feelings and get past it. I'm afraid if i do that I will forget about my dad. How do i get thru this?Disroufe,You will never ever forget about your father. No matter what, you will not forget him or stop loving him, as he would never stop loving you. Anger, guilt, fear, denial, loneliness are all normal emotions during grieving. It's the hardest thing any of us ever have to go through. It's never easy, but slowly you will begin to move forward. Acceptance is difficult because accidents seem so unfair and senseless and so it will take some time. Take this a little at a time. Go day by day for now. Talking about this may help you. Do you have any type of support system? What about other family members? We will be here for you,ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsroufe Posted August 15, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 I've been off work since my dad was killed. I've been on short term disibility. I'm in counseling but that doesn't really seem to help so she suggested that i do an online support. I have my son that I do talk to but I do try to leave my other kids out of it. To this day I still can't bring myself to get in our swimming pool. The day of my dads accident I had just put on my bathing suit and was getting ready to get into the pool with my daughter when i got the phone call from my mom telling me that the police were there and my dad was gone and I needed to get there asap. That was the worse day of my life and it's something that I can't get out of my head. With that and the fear of losing my house because it was in my dads name and he didn't have a will, it just seems like my whole life is up in the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted August 15, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 I've been off work since my dad was killed. I've been on short term disibility. I'm in counseling but that doesn't really seem to help so she suggested that i do an online support. I have my son that I do talk to but I do try to leave my other kids out of it. To this day I still can't bring myself to get in our swimming pool. The day of my dads accident I had just put on my bathing suit and was getting ready to get into the pool with my daughter when i got the phone call from my mom telling me that the police were there and my dad was gone and I needed to get there asap. That was the worse day of my life and it's something that I can't get out of my head. With that and the fear of losing my house because it was in my dads name and he didn't have a will, it just seems like my whole life is up in the air.I can't imagine what your going through, it was hard enough for me losing my dad to cancer. my heart goes out to you for all the good it does. Grief is just so different for everybody my friend. Dad has been gone for almost 6 years and I still have bad days. Time is the only thing that helps and the fact that you have to go on with your life because your dad would want you to. He sounds like he was an active guy, and he would hate for you to bury yourself in grief over him. Celebrate his life through your kids.. grandkids.. mom.. it is a slow process but it does happen.AS for your house, I don't know the laws there. I went to our court house and had to show the death certificate, they immediately put the house in my mother's name because they were still married and living in the same house. I imagine each state is different and think you need to start with your court house. They should be able to tell you what you go through for probate. I wish you all the luck in the world, and pray your pain eases with time. I wish I had the magic words for you to be healed, but sadly there are none, but there is a lot of care on this site for anybody who comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsroufe Posted August 17, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 This just keeps getting harder and harder to deal with. We were told that my dad died instantly from the accident but when looking at my dads death certificate it shows the time of the accident was 9:03am and my dad wasn't pronounced dead until 9:43am. After reading that all the hurt and anger feelings came back full force and i couldn't even keep my dinner down. I'm back to not able to stop crying and my 6 year old daughter was in the bathroom with me when i was throwing up my dinner telling me that everything was going to be ok and she was wiping my tears away. I'm not sure how much more of this i can handle. I started having the nightmares again seeing my dad laying there suffering as he was bleeding internally; I feel like it's all starting over again. I have my grief counseling appointment today and i just feel like i am totally losing it. I already feel like i'm never going to have closure with his death since the accident happened in another state and he was cremated there and i just never got to say good-bye to him. We did have a celebration of life for my dad but that didn't seem to do anything to help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SadRN Posted August 17, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 17, 2011 I am so glad you are going to the grief counseling session today. You have been through so much. My prayers are with you for some peace and relief. Please keep us posted on how it went today.This just keeps getting harder and harder to deal with. We were told that my dad died instantly from the accident but when looking at my dads death certificate it shows the time of the accident was 9:03am and my dad wasn't pronounced dead until 9:43am. After reading that all the hurt and anger feelings came back full force and i couldn't even keep my dinner down. I'm back to not able to stop crying and my 6 year old daughter was in the bathroom with me when i was throwing up my dinner telling me that everything was going to be ok and she was wiping my tears away. I'm not sure how much more of this i can handle. I started having the nightmares again seeing my dad laying there suffering as he was bleeding internally; I feel like it's all starting over again. I have my grief counseling appointment today and i just feel like i am totally losing it. I already feel like i'm never going to have closure with his death since the accident happened in another state and he was cremated there and i just never got to say good-bye to him. We did have a celebration of life for my dad but that didn't seem to do anything to help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mburke Posted August 23, 2011 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 First off im so sorry for your loss. i recently lost my dad in an accident he was riding his motorcycle and hit by a 17 year old driver and killed. Its an aweful feeling and most people dont even come close to understanding what you feel. its something you never imagine you will ever have to deal with or feel. its been 3 months since my dad was killed and its still fresh to me. you will learn to deal with the pain you just become numb to it. i havent really excepted that my dad is gone yet. im just not ready. i still hope that i will see him again... i know it sounds unhealthy and it probably is but he was my best friend and i miss him to pieces. the one thing that i have found makes me feel better is writting down my feelings. and i go to the cemetary alot. some people dont like going to the cemetary but i do. it brings some peace to me its a moment when i can just get away from everything and be alone and cry. i wish you the best of luck with dealing with everything. each person deals with death differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsroufe Posted August 25, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 I just hope that it starts to get easier. Right now i'm on my second anti depressant and i think the dose needs to be increased because i still cry at the drop of a hat. I just feel so alone even though i still have my mom, kids and grandkids. I want to be able to think about my dad without crying but right now i just haven't been able to do that. I'm not ready to accept that he is gone. I miss him so bad. I can't stand going to counseling anymore because all she says now is to get over it that it isn't going to bring him back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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