Lost both mom & dad in the last three months

[Lonely Bear]

Mom suffered a stroke in July. I became her primary caregiver (she was unmarried. I'm an only child.)
Then I lost dad to cancer in Sept. He was in england and I couldn't be there due to the pandemic. His ashes are waiting for me. 
 
Then I lost mom suddenly to a second stroke the week before christmas.
I buried her Christmas eve.  

and now its my birthday. First one without them, without a call, without a card or a thought...

I don't exactly know what to do. I'm all alone. I'm an orphan.

The pandemic means in person therapy is impossible and I'm just trying to stay afloat. 

[BEQUET93]

I am so sorry. When I saw the title of your post, I was stunned. The loss of one parent can knock a person for a loop, but both in such a short span of time has to be a real struggle. Please, accept my condolences.

Recently, my sister had her first birthday, without our mother. Just that thought reduced her to tears. I assume all of the "firsts without any parent" will be just as tough. When my own first birthday arrives, I will probably be just as sad.

Being an adult orphan is definitely scary. When it hit me what "adult orphan" truly means, I can't think of any time I ever felt more alone in this world, other than the closing of the day of my mother's death. I remember the summer of 1991, which was 6 months after my dad lost his final parent. I overheard him telling one of his friends that he was an orphan and I somewhat scoffed. He was 44 years old and a dad, so how could he be an orphan? Only when I had lived that experience did I fully realize how frightening and lonely it can be.

Maybe you can see if a therapist in your area is willing to do telehealth. My own therapist and I have been doing sessions via Zoom. They could help you identify support systems you already have in your life or think of possible ways to establish support systems. No one will ever be able to take the place of your mother and father, but you can go on to form fulfilling relationships with others. In the past few months, you have been through something it took me nearly 30 years to experience and, though I try, I don't think I can fully appreciate how much of an emotional tsunami you have experienced. Be patient with yourself and, whenever you feel the need, come here to vent and share.  While we are all strangers to one another who are scattered across the globe, we are all in this together. Hang in there.

[Monty]

Lonely Bear,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my parents within 4 years of each other almost to the day and the loss of my wonderful father was my most recent loss. I am shattered. My heart hurts so much. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it is for you having lost them both so close together in the midst of a global pandemic. 

Just like Bequet, losing both of my parents has never made me feel so alone. I feel like I am in a row boat all by myself stuck out in the middle of the ocean with no oar to row with and no compass to guide me. Just so alone.

Losing my parents both in the month of October I have been the first of my siblings both times to have my birthday. It has been really hard. Like you said no contact, no phone call, no card, no ‘ I love you’. I find the lead up worse than the actual day itself but everyone is different. I tried to remember how my parents must have felt the day I was born and how proud they were of me. I miss them both so much. 

Please come on here anytime you need someone who understands how you feel and what you are going through. We have all lost a parent/parents recently or have lived with our grief and loss for a long time. Either way, we get it. We understand. You are not alone. 

 

 

 

[Trikwuchi]

On 1/12/2021 at 9:58 PM, Lonely Bear said:

Mom suffered a stroke in July. I became her primary caregiver (she was unmarried. I'm an only child.)
Then I lost dad to cancer in Sept. He was in england and I couldn't be there due to the pandemic. His ashes are waiting for me. 
 
Then I lost mom suddenly to a second stroke the week before christmas.
I buried her Christmas eve.  

and now its my birthday. First one without them, without a call, without a card or a thought...

I don't exactly know what to do. I'm all alone. I'm an orphan.

The pandemic means in person therapy is impossible and I'm just trying to stay afloat. 

I'm so sorry for your losses. I second doing video therapy...it's very good. 

Losing your parents so close is heartbreak and devastation beyond belief. 

Take care of yourself. 

[Nads1]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I recently lost my mother and I can imagine how you must feel , the Pandemic is making things worse.