Members Rashell Posted January 9, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2021 His friends and family did a memorial and a balloon release today, and no one told me about it. One of my friends saw someone post about it on social media, which I deleted as I couldn’t see all the stuff, it was too much. She thought I had been there. I don’t understand why I’m being pushed out of everything. I understand his parents didn’t know me, but all his friends did. I lived with his best friend. I feel so awful and I’m realizing I won’t be included in the funeral. Being someone’s girlfriend is so different, Im not the one taking care of his things, making sure what he wanted is being done. I’m the only person that was with him every second of every day, and people he hasn’t talked to in months get to grieve the way they need to, but I don’t. It feels so unfair, all my friends are telling me they are disrespecting him by not including me, that he told them all the time how much I meant to him, but I’m starting to second guess everything. If they knew how close we were, how much time we spent together, why am I not even a thought? Why didn’t he tell his parents? We tried to keep our relationship between us because we both had gotten out of bad relationships, and I didn’t want the added stress of being in the public view like he was, as everyone knew him in our town. It all feels so stupid now, and is making me question our entire relationship. I know he chose to spend every day with me for the last few years, but why don’t other people? And the people that do know, why don’t they think it’s significant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rocky5678 Posted January 9, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2021 Oh honey I can relate. My fiancé’s daughter (30) has been keeping everything from me as well. I don’t know his official cause of death. I don’t know if he’s buried. Cremated. I wasn’t informed on any memorial services. we were together 8 years. I was helping raise his grand daughter. (Backstory. May-December relationship). We worked the family business together. I’ve now been threatened if I ever come back they’ll call the cops (no idea why). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 9, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 9, 2021 I am so sorry, wrong on every level. I can't understand what families put us through sometimes, they clearly are not honoring their wishes or hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 9, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2021 Rashell, I wonder if you have made your wishes know to his family? This may not be how you want to handle things but, it might be a good idea to call or email his mother and express your sorrow of her loss and ask to be included in services. Mention that there are items you would love to have if she can part with them. It could be one of those extend the olive branch situations. I'm sure you know best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rashell Posted January 9, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2021 1 hour ago, jmmosley53 said: I'm sure you know best. Unfortunately his mom didn’t know anything about me and his friends and sister are trying to make sure it stays that way which I’m sure there’s a reason for. Part of it is about culture/religion, and him not thinking they would approve of us being together, and I still wanna respect his wishes and not change anyone’s views on him by coming out of the woodwork after all this. I’m basically communicating with them through our roommate right now, and he’s trying to get some of his stuff back so I can do what he wanted me to do with them, and I’m having our roommate give them the money I set aside, which I don’t mind, I wouldn’t feel right doing something that he wouldn’t have been doing if he were here, like talking to his parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CatL Posted January 11, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2021 I feel for you. I dated my now departed hubby for 7 years before we married. His parents met me once, then refused to acknowledge my existence for the next 7 years. I'm lucky. We married and spent 14 years married together before he passed this year. We only married 2 days before he had to have shoulder surgery, and in part it was because I kept telling him if anything happened I would be thrown out (we were living in his house). I know my hubby's parents would not even allow my name to be mentioned, I did not exist as far as they were concerned. I never even knew why. I'm lucky we married. I am so sorry, its quite hard to go through losing him without being shunned. Yes, try to extend an olive branch, or at least ask mutual friends to keep you in the loop. There may not be much you can do legally. Morally, they should make you feel welcome, but the fact is they may not want to. But remind your mutual friends, that you are/were his girlfriend. You did matter to him. And you still should matter to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frenchygirl Posted January 11, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2021 I chose not to go to my love's memorial....you don't need a memorial to remember him. Choose to remember him how you want to remember him. Have your own personal memorial, that's what I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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