Hello this is my first post

[Caffuss]

Hello, everyone,

This is my first post..I have been searching for a forum were I can share my story..with other who have lost a sibling they love. I come from a family of six childern. It was my older sister...me then Billy, two other brothers and little sister. I love them all very much...but i was always closest to Billy, the one I lost. We were celebrating his Birthday...only me Billy and one of my other brothers, were there. We were all drinking, and talking, laughing ect. It was Ausgust 25, 2001 around 12:30-1:30 amWhen Billy started running and jumping into a kids pool...while me and my other brother were talking. When Billy was in the pool floating on a board..I bent down torwards him and he siad, "I'm a floaty shark". Those were his last words. For after that he got out and quickly jumped back in, while me and my other brother were talking. I saw Billy floating face down and I mentioned it to my other brother....we both agreed he was joking so we let him be while we continued our conversation. A few moments later...I siad...it's been to long..still thinking he was joking we decided it was time to check on him. My other brother went over and tapped him on the back..there was no responds so I siad...take him out...we both grabed an arm and pulled him out. He was not breathing...but he had a heart beat. Troy called 911 while I gave Billy mouth to mouth..he would take one or two labored breaths on his own..then stop agian...I kept this up until the ambulance got there. They took him away....we thought he would be okie in the morning. Three days later they told us he was brian dead.

I was in shock...I screamed to God to take me as well. He was the most important closest person to me in my life at the time. We both lived in our childhood home agian due to both our marrages fialing...I lived in a room 10 feet away from the camper he lived in..in our Dads backyard. We spent so much time together, in the last year of his life, for that I am so grateful. I still miss him so much...and I still can't seem to get over how he died...why didnt we go check, to make sure he was "joking".....why? It would have taken a few seconds...now our world is changed forever. It has been almost ten years....Billy was born Ausgust 25th 1971..he passed away August 25, 2001.

Thank you

Cathy

[ModKonnie]

Hello, everyone,

This is my first post..I have been searching for a forum were I can share my story..with other who have lost a sibling they love. I come from a family of six childern. It was my older sister...me then Billy, two other brothers and little sister. I love them all very much...but i was always closest to Billy, the one I lost. We were celebrating his Birthday...only me Billy and one of my other brothers, were there. We were all drinking, and talking, laughing ect. It was Ausgust 25, 2001 around 12:30-1:30 amWhen Billy started running and jumping into a kids pool...while me and my other brother were talking. When Billy was in the pool floating on a board..I bent down torwards him and he siad, "I'm a floaty shark". Those were his last words. For after that he got out and quickly jumped back in, while me and my other brother were talking. I saw Billy floating face down and I mentioned it to my other brother....we both agreed he was joking so we let him be while we continued our conversation. A few moments later...I siad...it's been to long..still thinking he was joking we decided it was time to check on him. My other brother went over and tapped him on the back..there was no responds so I siad...take him out...we both grabed an arm and pulled him out. He was not breathing...but he had a heart beat. Troy called 911 while I gave Billy mouth to mouth..he would take one or two labored breaths on his own..then stop agian...I kept this up until the ambulance got there. They took him away....we thought he would be okie in the morning. Three days later they told us he was brian dead.

I was in shock...I screamed to God to take me as well. He was the most important closest person to me in my life at the time. We both lived in our childhood home agian due to both our marrages fialing...I lived in a room 10 feet away from the camper he lived in..in our Dads backyard. We spent so much time together, in the last year of his life, for that I am so grateful. I still miss him so much...and I still can't seem to get over how he died...why didnt we go check, to make sure he was "joking".....why? It would have taken a few seconds...now our world is changed forever. It has been almost ten years....Billy was born Ausgust 25th 1971..he passed away August 25, 2001.

Thank you

Cathy

Cathy,

I am so sorry about Billy. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It is what it is--it was a terrible accident. Even if you had checked on him, you may have not been able to do anything. You have to stop beating yourself up with guilt. Guilt is part of the grieving process for many people, but you have to accept you cannot change what has happened and move forward.

My brother was killed in a car wreck. It was two days before Christmas. I come from a family of seven children. He was the oldest. He was bringing us all home from various events. My other brother was driving and Dennis (my brother who was killed) was hollering at Dwayne (the driver) over his "reckless" driving. We were all screaching and screaming and fighting in the car. We got to the house, Dwayne and Dennis got into a real fight, Dennis jumped in the car and drove off and was killed just a half-mile from the house. We heard the sirens, but had no idea it was our brother.

For years, we all felt guilty over the arguing in the car. Dwayne had serious emotional issues over it. Our guilt was awful. But we eventually began to accept what had happened. I know it is difficult to process, but truly, no matter how guilty you may feel, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident. Had you known your brother was in trouble, you would have jumped in and risked your own life.

How do you other siblings feel about the accident? How do your parents? How does Troy feel?

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Please feel free to share the story of Billy's life and your own experiences. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[Caffuss]

Cathy,

I am so sorry about Billy. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It is what it is--it was a terrible accident. Even if you had checked on him, you may have not been able to do anything. You have to stop beating yourself up with guilt. Guilt is part of the grieving process for many people, but you have to accept you cannot change what has happened and move forward.

My brother was killed in a car wreck. It was two days before Christmas. I come from a family of seven children. He was the oldest. He was bringing us all home from various events. My other brother was driving and Dennis (my brother who was killed) was hollering at Dwayne (the driver) over his "reckless" driving. We were all screaching and screaming and fighting in the car. We got to the house, Dwayne and Dennis got into a real fight, Dennis jumped in the car and drove off and was killed just a half-mile from the house. We heard the sirens, but had no idea it was our brother.

For years, we all felt guilty over the arguing in the car. Dwayne had serious emotional issues over it. Our guilt was awful. But we eventually began to accept what had happened. I know it is difficult to process, but truly, no matter how guilty you may feel, it wasn't your fault. It was an accident. Had you known your brother was in trouble, you would have jumped in and risked your own life.

How do you other siblings feel about the accident? How do your parents? How does Troy feel?

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Please feel free to share the story of Billy's life and your own experiences. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

Thank you, Konnie

Troy...I think has been stuffing his feelings for all this time even more than me, he drinks way to much...and I know it is noones fault...but I still have the feelings we could have done more..and yet I would have rather taken his place...much rather. So I know I just have to get over those feelings. I told everyone in my family I'm sorry for what happened for the first time since then...only troy, my youngest sister and my Dad have responed so far. I am just not sure how they all really feel...but they have all siad there is noone to blame. And noone has ever siad it was our fault. I have attached a copy of a pencil drawing I did for Billy. I would love to share more little by little.

Thank you for being here and listening

Cathy

[Caffuss]

Also, I want to thank you, Konnie for sharing your story....I'm thinking that it is normal or common to feel guilt or feel we could have done something to prevent the death of those we love. I'm afriad for my brother Troy.....he seems to have a lot of hidden feelings.

[nancyquiroz]

First of all I want to thaank you for sharing this with us. ANd as you may notice I think it is very natural for us humans to somehow find a way to blame ourselves for deaths that involve tragedy's liket this or unexpected deaths. Just 2 months ago my 13 year old brother got killed after getting hit by a car while walking home from playing soccer. I did not live with my brother anymore but yet I found a way to blame myself for his death and I am sure my father and all 6 of my sisters have found a way to blame themselves for this tragedy. But the way I try to fight those ugly thoughts and feelings is by accepting that every human has its destiny and of course none of us have the power to know what are destinys are. But one thing hat we alll KNOW for sure is that we will all DIE one day. ANd we really do not get to choose when or how. So I try to tell myself that even if I would of picked up my brother that day....somthing else could of happpen (like me getting in a car acccident where he would be the only one that days, or me taking him somewhere to eat and he chokes on his food and dies, or he makes it home safe but then fallls asleep and neevr wakes up) I just try to telll myself it was his time to go and that is it! It helps sometimes and sometimes it does not but Just know that "death" is no ones fault it is something that reallly no one can ever escape and it is something every human in this world willl have to face one day. So enjoy your life and make the best of it! Love you, NAncy Q