Members Maria_PI Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 Yesterday, as I was battling the inevitable slip into a depression after the high from the holidays and stuck in the totally empty house with all the reminders of who and what I have lost around me, and no hopes for the future, I got an unexpected phone call from a classmate whom I hardly kept in touch throughout the years but have always felt close to (I think maybe because he had a crush on me in high school but then we grew up ). He called as soon as he learned of the passing of my dad and my husband within months of each other in 2020. I mean, he did text me to ask if he can call me, so very thoughtful of him. Then during the conversation which was mostly him listening to my ramblings, he mentioned that he lost his mom back while we were in high school, and I didn’t even remember that. Then he said he lost his brother and father within a few months back a few years ago. I didn’t know any of that. I never called to convey my condolences, well, of course because I didn’t know. But what a soul! He spent on the phone as long as I would want even though he has his family and kids and his own problems with that. I feel so humbled! I realized I cannot judge anyone for not reaching out or not being there if they haven’t experienced that kind of loss themselves, because I was one of them. Yet, he still reached out to me! Out of the blue. And lifted me up. Thank you to all here who share, respond and connect! You are as close to angels as there can be in the human world. Here I would insert a heart but there is no heart emoji in this app, so I will say it – I Love You All! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 4, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 This truly warmed my heart! He sounds like a friend worth knowing. And I'm glad he reached out to you! I know, I wish we had better emojis to choose from! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 Maria_Pl Thank you for sharing a lovely experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Wms Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 Wow, you lost your husband within a couple of weeks of when I lost mine. And your father too. I don't know how you are holding up. I am shattered. Absolutely destroyed. I know plenty of people go through what I am going through and more, and I just don't know how it can be done. Every time I realize he is gone, which is several times a day, I feel like I am being punched in the gut. I used to think it was cheesy when people said, "He is my life," but now I get it. He was my life! I know this because now I feel that my life is over. My sense of security, of being love, of being able to feel joy and look forward to the future. I don't know how people survive this type of loss. I usually feel like I can't do it. Like I could just die from the sheer pain (and wish I would). This is so painful and every day is hard. I have to keep working and I hate it. It's not the actual job, it's just that all I really feel like doing is to sleep. Sleep is simply an escape. I can't even do that though. As tired as I am, I cannot sleep at night. It is midnight here now, and there is no way I can go to sleep even though I have to get up early. This is so horrible, beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I am so sorry for what you are going through, but I am glad a friend reached out. I really don't know where to go from here, but it is comforting to have this community. Take care all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 I have found that sleep really is my only refuge....with the aid of sleeping pills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Maria_PI Posted January 5, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 @Dawn Wms I hear you, and I've found it's not getting better with time. Maybe at first I thought let's give it time, things will settle and the pain will subside. So I thought find distractions and take it one day at a time. Well, here I am 7-8 months in, he is not coming back, nor is the love and security and joy of being loved and hugged tight and hearing his voice every day "I love you, angel". This voice is fading away in the past and the only thing I cannot say is where the past 7-8 months went because the pain in the gut and the tears are not fading away. I guess I set my expectations too high and left everything in the hands of Time but Time is not on my side.... Hang in there, the journey promises to be long and lonely... With the occasional glimps of hope from the most unexpected places... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 My mind is always thinking of my wife. Day and night. I've tried a few natural sleep aids and they work for a few days then they stop working. I don't really want to go on prescription sleeping pills but I might have to bite the bullet and ask for some from my doctor. Living alone in the house doesn't help at all. I miss my wife so much and sometimes the pain gets so unbearable. There is no comfort in going to bed and falling asleep like when my wife was here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ccoflove Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 I'm glad your HS friend reached out, was a good listener and showed you support that raised your spirits. The holidays are hard but after the holidays it's a long grey lonely cold slog through winter without much to look forward to. I feel like I'm in solitary confinement I spend so much time alone. Even prisoners get conjual visits. It's not natural to go without human touch for so long, hardly even a hug now with the virus. I've felt more depressed lately too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 5, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 1 hour ago, ccoflove said: Even prisoners get conjual visits Not here and definitely not now! But I hear you, that's why this last year has been particularly difficult, going through everything alone, always alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Elsa Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 There is no way I’d be sleeping without sleeping pills. I cut them in half and take a melatonin complex with a half sleeping pill. I’ve only just started eating again. i have a strange feeling that I am headed for a double grief this year. My parents are ageing quickly, my mother particularly. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 Great story, thanks for sharing. I am devastated like everyone here is but I was one of those people who KNEW they'd be devastated if anything happened to my wife. I knew I'd be a basket case, I knew I'd have trouble functioning and I was spot on. There are so many people who just expect you to pick up the pieces and move on. So many that I try my best to convey what she meant to me but words cannot do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Wms Posted January 6, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 I just called my doctor today for sleeping pills. I haven't taken them up to this point, but if I don't get some sleep I will crumble. I am exhausted and also seek refuge in sleep, but I still have to work and simply can't fall asleep at night. I am grateful to be working from home, but I still have an early morning schedule. I relate to you, Sparky1, when you refer to the unbearable pain. I feel it too. I hate it. And I often wonder how my heart keeps pumping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 6, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 14 hours ago, BBB said: I was one of those people who KNEW they'd be devastated if anything happened to my wife. I knew that too, just thought it'd be years away yet and hoped we'd go together. Nope, no such luck. Dawn, I hope the sleeping pills help you, mine only gives me about four hours but I guess that's a start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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