Members Diane R. E. Posted January 2, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2021 My husband's 65th birthday is coming up on January 28 and that scares me more than facing the holidays without him. He should be here to celebrate - he needn't have passed away. Does anyone have any tips on how to spend your partner's birthday? I feel like I should still bake his favorite cake, but I don't know how I could even eat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted January 2, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2021 I am planning on having a party for my husbands birthday at one of his favorite places. It won't be like a regular party but because of covid his friends have not been able to gather together to talk about him and say their goodbyes. I have three months to go so I'm hoping I can have more people by then, at the moment its a max of 7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted January 2, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2021 I realise its probably not an option for you this month. Maybe you could invite one person to lunch with the explicit idea of talking about your husband. I hope you have someone who would be happy to do that. We are going to cry a lot whatever we decide to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 3, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2021 My husbands birthday was in July, he would have been 70. His sister including her adult children and I along with my sisters got together to memorialize him on his birthday. We had pizza and cake., we brought photos of Rick and told stories. We all cried; the family there, had all know and loved Richard. I was so very glad that we had made a "fuss" about Rick. I knew if he had been alive he would never have let us celebrate him like we did. We laughed about how he was probably in heaven trying not to get mad about the fuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missy1 Posted January 3, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2021 We have their Birthday and their Death Day, I hid away on his Birthday, I took the day off and cried and talked to him all day. I will always hold his place I’m our home and in my heart. I fear his first death day coming up at end of Jan. I prayed that I would be gone and with him by now. I like your positive spirit, honor him as you feel, baking his favorite cake or meal sounds like a great idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 3, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 3, 2021 7 hours ago, Diane R. E. said: My husband's 65th birthday is coming up on January 28 and that scares me more than facing the holidays without him. He should be here to celebrate - he needn't have passed away. Does anyone have any tips on how to spend your partner's birthday? I feel like I should still bake his favorite cake, but I don't know how I could even eat it. Bottom line, and I say about anything regarding grief, go with what works (or you think will work) for you to get through the day, which I realize may be easier said than done...might be a best guess. If you feel making that cake would be really upsetting, then I wouldn't. If it would bring you some comfort, then by all means. I just wouldn't do something because you think you're "supposed to," again unless doing that brings its own comfort somehow. It's different for everyone...I have a few certain things I do each year, it's become kind of a tradition. I admit it's not a happy day though, and I know she would not like that, but her/our "friends" didn't keep in touch, so I have no one to reminisce with about her. If you do, I would consider asking if they would like (or at least wouldn't mind) either getting together or at least talking on the phone for a bit and reminiscing or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members A Frayed Knot Posted January 3, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2021 I just went through this myself, My husband's birthday was on December 30. He would have been 50. He was supposed to get a Mustang. My kids and I planned to make his favorite meal and dessert, and then I thought about how sad we would all be sitting at the table without him and eating food that was for him. Instead, we ordered pizza and watched a Marvel movie (also his favorite), which was much less quiet and sad. Don't do anything because you think you're supposed to. Do what feels right to you and what will help you get through these days and moments. I don't have answers, but I do know that what society prescribes for the grieving is just that, a prescription, and there is no prescription. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 4, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 @A Frayed Knot I'm glad you found your way here, although I wish we all still had them and had no cause to be here. You are right, we need to listen to our inner self and do whatever feels best to us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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