Lost my dad in August

[Alyssa Ziemba]

I lost my father August 26th, 2020. He was killed in an automobile accident. I quickly became overwhelmed with emotions the weeks following. So, I started talking to a therapist. My siblings and I have never been the type to sit down and talk to each other about our feelings. I am thankful for having contacted a therapist but I have been looking for something more. Which is why I'm posting on here. Recently I've been feeling extremely depressed and having been really missing my dad. These holidays have been so difficult and I'm not sure exactly how to cope with this. Can anyone give me any advice?

[reader]

Dear Alyssa,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a beloved parent. Feeling depressed and deeply missing your dad is very normal.  The holidays are an extremely tough time. I too grew up in a family where my sisters and I never shared our feelings. Please know you are not alone and you can share anything you want with us. For myself, I also found the following sites helpful Grief in Common and Grief Healing Blog and What's Your Grief. 

Try to be gentle and kind to yourself. Keep taking it day by day. Grief is a long journey and leaves many of us raw. You're doing the right thing by reaching out and getting additional supports. I found so many caring and kind people on this site and it gave me a place to come to and write and share. I hope it will give you some comfort too.

Thinking of you.

[BEQUET93]

Losing someone in an accident has to be difficult, as there is no time to prepare. I've never known such a loss, but, several years ago, a coworker was killed in a traffic accident, while on her way to work. At her funeral, you could see on the faces of her family the shock that they were feeling. On top of that, there is the fact that it has only been a few months, since you lost your father. Everyone grieves differently and there are no timelines, but it definitely does take time to fully process what happened and to heal emotionally.

It may help to reach out to your siblings and tell them that you would like to talk about your dad and how you have been feeling. It can be hard opening up to people with whom one has historically been reserved, but, especially in trying times, people can be really understanding and supportive. In my family, my siblings don't like to show their emotions, while our mother's description of me was "sensitive and high-strung." Therapy has helped me and friends have helped me, but sometimes I just want to talk about her to people who knew her, so I go to my brother and sister. If your family dynamic makes sharing your thoughts and feelings with your siblings too uncomfortable, almost anything that will allow you to externalize your thoughts and feelings might help. Journaling is oft-recommended, but creative outlets like art, poetry, or songwriting. As reader suggested, forum posting can be really helpful. I joined a little more than a month ago and everyone has been so understanding, because they know what it's like.

[Monty]

Hi Alyssa,

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I too have found this holiday season difficult without my loved ones. 

I know what it is like to experience a sudden loss. My Mum died from a brain aneurysm. The day she passed she was at my home eating lunch and then at 6pm that night I received that terrible phone call from my Dad saying she was gone. It is gut wrenching and so hard.

Please know that you are not alone as you navigate your way through this fog which we call grief. 
All I can suggest is be kind to yourself. Feel whatever you need to feel. It may be the same or different from your siblings. I have found it difficult as my siblings and I grieve very differently. My sister goes into denial, my brother has to keep busy with his hands and I am just intensely sad and cry a lot!
 

Be whatever you need to be and come on this forum. We are here. We hear your pain and we understand it as we are living it too. Take care Alyssa.