Members SharedLife Posted December 30, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2020 Today I walked into the bathroom, looked at the sink, and for a few seconds I thought I had stepped into a gas station restroom. I guess I've got to pay more attention to the world around me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Meloncholy Posted December 30, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2020 Today I walked into the bathroom, looked at the sink, and for a few seconds I thought I had stepped into a gas station restroom. I guess I've got to pay more attention to the world around me.It is so hard to be motivated to clean or cook. I go to work everyday and then when I get home I am done.Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted December 31, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2020 It's not like unexpected company is going to drop in. It's easy to let things slide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missy1 Posted December 31, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2020 It is easy to let things go, especially if that was not part of your regular tasks. I can’t seem to keep up with yard maintenance. He also would Not be proud of me for letting his garage get so out of hand. I need to organize his tools and keep it tidy it was his little heaven. Some things were his gig and are very foreign to me. After he died I realized how many things he did, even small things like apparently I open kitchen cabinets and leave them open, he was constantly closing them behind me lol. We were ying and yang... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted December 31, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted December 31, 2020 4 hours ago, SharedLife said: Today I walked into the bathroom, looked at the sink, and for a few seconds I thought I had stepped into a gas station restroom. I guess I've got to pay more attention to the world around me. If the worst thing you can think your loved one would be ashamed of is a dirty bathroom, trust me, you're doing fine. I should be so lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted December 31, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2020 Do you think she would not be proud because you feel you're not taking care of yourself by letting the bathroom go? Or do you feel like she would not be proud because you're not keeping the house clean? IMO, there is a world of difference between these two thoughts. My husband and I are/were kind of fussy about having a clean house. We did it together, though I did the lion's share of several chores. OTOH, he did all our laundry for more than 30 years. I'd toss my clothes into the appropriate hamper (whites, lights, darks) and the next time I saw them they'd be properly washed, dried/hung to dry, fluffed, and folded or hung up. With pets and our daughter and my sister and their friends and our friends, there was a lot of laundry to do for a pretty long time. While he was fighting his cancer, I took over many of his tasks, but he kept doing everything he could. Toward the end, I was glad if I could do just the bare minimum to keep things sanitary. After he died, I didn't do a house cleaning for more than 2 months. I washed the few dishes I used and did clean the toilets, but that's about it. I finally did it because I started feeling uncomfortable and because I figured expending the energy might be a good thing. I actually felt pretty proud of myself the day I gathered supplies and cleaned. It took two sessions because I had to do his tasks too, which made me appreciate how much he contributed, in addition to doing most of the things we generally think of as "guy stuff" (minor plumbing, fixing broken fence posts, a little electrical, etc. and of course, creating beautiful and practical things out of wood). Some things were very painful emotionally because I had left his things right where he put them. It allowed me to start the process of what to leave where it was and what to find a new home for. The bottom line is that I finally cleaned the house because taking care of the house seemed kind of like taking care of myself. I know he would want me to do the best I could at that, even though he'd know how hard it would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted December 31, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2020 ShareLife, I bet she would be thinking, 'bless his heart, he is upset over the sink'. Then she would give you a smile. and say 'wash it, then get ready to go'. I think we put more burden feelings on ourselves every time we have those moments of realization that your standing there and your loved one is gone. What I call the burden feeling is when I have a momentary snap - I was doing something without them. It is hard for me to put into words, but I think I put those feeling on myself - If my husband was looking down measuring me (proud/not proud) it would be over something big and he would be very forgiving because he would know I was in a grief fog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 31, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted December 31, 2020 I can't keep up my house the way I'd like to as both of my hands hurt constantly! The right hand that I had surgery on 11/9 is not healing or improving, the skin healed, but not the trauma. The doctor was not helpful. I've noticed how badly I need to vacuum, dust, clean, but... I do not think George would be feeling he's not proud of me, I think he'd be wishing he could be here to HELP me! Your hands may be fine but it's your heart that's incapacitating you, just as hard, probably LOADS worse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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