Feel so alone

[Brokin]

Hi,

I loss my beloved husband 5dec this year suddenly heart attack at 50.

We moved into our dream home 3yrs ago and did it all up surounded by lovly countryside.

We had no kids just a dog and we did everything together was my best friend soulmate and loved been with him we had 27yrs of great memories then suddenly was all snatched away.

We had dreams about renovating house and many more now all gone.

Sitting here alone thinking how can I carry on feel so broken and if I'm in a nightmare that I never see him here again the pain is so much wish was me that was gone .

Thinking what is it all about he was my everything.

[Gail 8588]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I am sorry you have reason to join our grief journey.  Like you, our lives have been shattered by the death of our true loves. Our present and our future have both been destroyed and it is incredibly difficult to cope with such a huge loss. 

You are at the very beginning of this grief journey. Some of the people here are like you, just beginning to cope with grief.  Others have been on the journey longer.  I am coming up on 4 years. 

Come here to rant, cry, question or just read posts.  There is some comfort in reading that others are feeling some of the things you are feeling too.  

All of our life circumstances are different, but our grief experiences have much in common. 

I had no idea how physically painful grief could be.  My head hurt so much, I had chest pain that was unbearable.  I didn't know how I could survive. It was a strange comfort to me to learn  that others experienced this excrutiating physical pain too.  It made me think I could survive.

None of us want to be in this situation, but we welcome you to our tribe. We will share our experiences and give what comfort we can. 

We understand what you are going through as our lives have been shattered too. 

Gail

 

[Coops29]

Dear Brokin 

I am so sorry for your loss and like you I lost my beloved partner of 30 years only 8 months ago. He was 51 and there is not a day goes by that I don't weep uncontrollably for him and i still wander round the house looking for him. Like you he was my life and I sometimes used to think what is the point anymore but I've now been back  to go back to work which helped. Try not to spend to much time on your own in the house. In the first few weeks I went out for long walks which was so good for me. 

Life will never be the same and neither will you. I know that I have changed from a fun loving positive person to a sad desperate lonely one. People say it takes time and I just try to get through each day the best I can. I hope you have family and friends around to support you as hard as that is during the current pandemic. 

Life does move on and it's not that you get over things it's just that you will learn to manage your deep pain and loss and live with it the best you can. 

Please use this forum to rant and rave or whatever you want to do. Everybody on here is grieving in their own right and nobody has a miracle cure for your heartbreak but we can all offer support to each other. 

You are very early in your loss and still in shock no doubt. It is a long road we will have to travel to find some peace but we can travel this together. 

 

[KayC]

It's good that you are pouring your feelings out here rather than pushing them back or bottling them up.  You'll find people here that listen, relate, and are going through the same emotional response.  Sudden deaths are hard to process but then so are lingering ones, different but none that are easy.  My heart breaks for you, I remember all too well when I first lost George, it was a shock and I kept hoping to wake up from this nightmare.  Instead I had to learn to live with it, pain and all, and it's the hardest thing I've ever been through.  It's been 15 1/2 years now and it's hard growing old alone, I've "adjusted" as well as one can, but not easy.  I look for good in each day, no matter how small, this year particularly challenging.  

[Brokin]

Thank you all for the replies has helped me alot.

8 minutes ago, KayC said:

It's good that you are pouring your feelings out here rather than pushing them back or bottling them up.  You'll find people here that listen, relate, and are going through the same emotional response.  Sudden deaths are hard to process but then so are lingering ones, different but none that are easy.  My heart breaks for you, I remember all too well when I first lost George, it was a shock and I kept hoping to wake up from this nightmare.  Instead I had to learn to live with it, pain and all, and it's the hardest thing I've ever been through.  It's been 15 1/2 years now and it's hard growing old alone, I've "adjusted" as well as one can, but not easy.  I look for good in each day, no matter how small, this year particularly challenging.