Members Ivi Posted December 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2020 Where do I start from.. I was so close with my father, with all my family, and when you get unconditional love from them you take them for granted, you think they'll be there forever. He had some health problems but nothing too serious or atleast that's what I thought, maybe my mechanism worked that way to protect me. He caught covid and so did my mum. I came home to check up on them in the afternoon and I saw him breathing heavily, I called the doctor and he told me to call the ambulance, I don't know why but before doing that I decided to go to the pharmacy and get a device to measure his oxygen. I came back and measured it and it was 40 when it should be 90. I called the ambulance and was gathering his things when for a second I stopped hearing him. He stopped breathing and I started doing cpr. He went into heart attack and by the time the ambulance came it was too late. My mother is blaming herself, my sister is blaming herself, I'm blaming myself. It's horrible. He was the nicest most positive person on the planet, he was our glue and we couldn't save him. It sucks, this is the first time I understand how unfair life can be. I really try to stay positive but it's so difficult. I want to turn back time, do everything to save him. My sister is closing up, my mother is taking it out in anger and also catching up on me, I don't know how to take care of me and live with this. And then knowing that I'll lose my mum at some point? How horrible is that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted December 20, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2020 Ivi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I too was very close to my father and the hole it has left inside of me is deep and wide. Please know that guilt is a normal part of grieving and it sounds like you are experiencing this by questioning your movements.Grief is different for everyone. In the early days you need time to process what has happened. Our brains can only process such a loss in small amounts thus it is exhausting. Try to be kind to yourself by trying to get enough sleep (not an easy task), eating well and taking time to just be. Hugs to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted December 21, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2020 I am sorry for your loss.From your description, he sounds like a wonderful guy. It is definitely frustrating to realize we are powerless in the face of certain life events and natural to think that, if only we had done something differently, the outcome would have not been the loss of a loved one. You, your mother, and your sister are not to blame. Not only did you and your sister lose a father and your mother lose a husband, but the family dynamic has changed and it will take time for some kind of balance to be restored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ivi Posted December 21, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2020 11 hours ago, Monty said: Ivi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I too was very close to my father and the hole it has left inside of me is deep and wide. Please know that guilt is a normal part of grieving and it sounds like you are experiencing this by questioning your movements.Grief is different for everyone. In the early days you need time to process what has happened. Our brains can only process such a loss in small amounts thus it is exhausting. Try to be kind to yourself by trying to get enough sleep (not an easy task), eating well and taking time to just be. Hugs to you and your family. Thank you so so much, stay safe xx 6 hours ago, BEQUET93 said: I am sorry for your loss.From your description, he sounds like a wonderful guy. It is definitely frustrating to realize we are powerless in the face of certain life events and natural to think that, if only we had done something differently, the outcome would have not been the loss of a loved one. You, your mother, and your sister are not to blame. Not only did you and your sister lose a father and your mother lose a husband, but the family dynamic has changed and it will take time for some kind of balance to be restored. Thank you so much for your kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted December 21, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 21, 2020 Dear Ivi, I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Please know so many of us feel as you do and wish we could go back in time. But you did the best you could under very difficult circumstances. Like Monty said, be kind and gentle with yourself. Surround yourself with loving friends and family. Take your time to mourn this great man, your father. He would know you did the best you could for him. Thinking of you and your family. With hugs, Reader. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ivi Posted December 22, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2020 9 hours ago, reader said: Dear Ivi, I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Please know so many of us feel as you do and wish we could go back in time. But you did the best you could under very difficult circumstances. Like Monty said, be kind and gentle with yourself. Surround yourself with loving friends and family. Take your time to mourn this great man, your father. He would know you did the best you could for him. Thinking of you and your family. With hugs, Reader. Thank you so much for your comforting words, I will try to focus on what my dad would want for us right now, and that's to be happy no matter what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CChicago Posted January 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2021 Hi Ivi, I lost my mom suddenly due to covid. It seemed to come out of nowhere - she was extremely careful and rarely left the house, always with a mask, hand sanitizer, distancing. When she got covid, we figured she would be fine - and then bam. Like you, I'm finding the suddenness to be traumatic. On top of extreme heartbreak, I'm struggling to come to terms with how this could have happened, and what I could have should have done differently to prevent it. I keep getting told from healthcare providers that this is just how covid is - it hits people differently, and often these things can't be prevented. It's really really hard to accept that.. Share this so you know you aren't alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Trikwuchi Posted January 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 On 12/20/2020 at 6:17 PM, Ivi said: Where do I start from.. I was so close with my father, with all my family, and when you get unconditional love from them you take them for granted, you think they'll be there forever. He had some health problems but nothing too serious or atleast that's what I thought, maybe my mechanism worked that way to protect me. He caught covid and so did my mum. I came home to check up on them in the afternoon and I saw him breathing heavily, I called the doctor and he told me to call the ambulance, I don't know why but before doing that I decided to go to the pharmacy and get a device to measure his oxygen. I came back and measured it and it was 40 when it should be 90. I called the ambulance and was gathering his things when for a second I stopped hearing him. He stopped breathing and I started doing cpr. He went into heart attack and by the time the ambulance came it was too late. My mother is blaming herself, my sister is blaming herself, I'm blaming myself. It's horrible. He was the nicest most positive person on the planet, he was our glue and we couldn't save him. It sucks, this is the first time I understand how unfair life can be. I really try to stay positive but it's so difficult. I want to turn back time, do everything to save him. My sister is closing up, my mother is taking it out in anger and also catching up on me, I don't know how to take care of me and live with this. And then knowing that I'll lose my mum at some point? How horrible is that. Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had a similar experience. I lost my mum suddenly from covid. My dad got it too bit he's out of hospital and well. I feel she's been stolen from us and it's very very difficult to deal with. I also want to turn back time where thus never happened and she didn't catch covid. It's an evil disease. Please try and stay united as a family...that's what mum would want and probably your dad. Don't blame yourselves...it's the nature of this horrible horrible disease. It's early days...and time will be our healer...it's too soon to be okay just yet. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MonkeysDaughter Posted January 25, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2021 I’m sorry for your loss. I recently lost my Daddy to this horrendous virus, also. My daddy was a beautiful person and sadly, he was the “glue” that held our family together. Now that he’s gone, it’s been all out war between mother/ sister/ me. I feel like they both want someone to blame for him being gone and they’re ganging up on me. It’s so sad because my daddy wouldn’t have wanted it to be like this, but it is. I have to step back and accept the fact that my “family” is gone. Daddy was my family. They say time helps, but I’m not there yet. I’m going through the motions of each day and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m allowing myself to feel what I do and being gentle with myself for not wanting any further drama with others. It’s all so sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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