My Partner Would be Proud of Me: Share Yours Please

[MODArtemis2019]

This morning I cleared six inches of snow from our 100 yard driveway, in addition to the parking area and walkway.  

My husband would be proud of me.  

Please share your story of doing something alone that you used to do together. Or that your partner took care of entirely. Or any new challenge you've faced in your new life. And remember that your partner would be proud of you. And remember to be proud of yourself. 

[KayC]

OMG, the list could go on and on as it's been 15 1/2 years for me!  I've faced being out of work, got down to two weeks' unemployment before I finally landed one.  Had to make so many difficult decisions on my own over the years!  Dealt with contractors for five roofs, a fence, a ramp, a dog pen, and now the back of my garage needs replaced & put on pier blocks.  Had falls and bad injuries, broke my right elbow (had a manual car) and never missed a day of work.  Broke my leg, tore my meniscus, broke my nose, severe knee injuries, etc.  Shoveled snow, survived snowpocalypse nearly two years ago (no electricity, water, phone, internet, anything for over eight days!, Phone out 18 days).  Branches & trees down all over my front yard and had to clear them all out by myself, took about two months to do it all!  Survived some surgeries alone.  Survived losses of pets, my mom, my sister, friends, alone.  Did the mowing, washing car, etc alone (have to hire the yard work done now).  I feel it's been a lifetime ago since we had each other, not one day has gone by but I love and miss him.  I know he is proud of me, esp. for this year.  I've gotten my health back, lost 72 lbs, gotten my diabetes under control, if only I had all this information while he was still here, perhaps he'd be with me still.  But I know he's proud.

I continue to look for good in each day!  No matter how small, nothing is too insignificant to count.  I acknowledge and embrace it and fully appreciate it.  I try to live in the moment, anything else can be too overwhelming and invite anxiety.  It's how I've learned to live.

Having pets helps.

I want to add that having gone through all these things and survived, builds our confidence.

[SharedLife]

OMG.

Talk about amazing accomplishments... !

And here I was proud of myself for figuring out how to heat a Hungry Man frozen dinner in the microwave.

[Sparky1]

I've made meat loaf that my wife always made. It wasn't exactly the same but it was very good. I've made pizza and bagels from scratch and they also turned out good. I learned to use the KitchenAid mixer for mixing and kneading the dough after never using it before because it was the wife's toy.

[foreverhis]

Here's my most recent (as in yesterday).  John was starting a project to replace temporary garden walkways with permanent tile he bought to match the large tiles we had installed over cracked concrete on our porch and landing.  Instead, he started chemo.  So those tiles and the "stuff" to do the work sat there for 3-1/2 years.  I finally realized it shouldn't wait over another winter and called the tile contractor we used.

Now they're poured concrete and rebar footings creating a platform.  The tile was installed properly with an extra cushion layer called Ditra to prevent cracking exactly as he would have done them.  They look wonderful.  Our contractor even said, "He'd be glad to see how his vision turned out."  Very true.

Anyway, our contractor was looking at the end of the second walkway which butts up against a post that supports the upstairs deck overhang.  It had about 10" of plain concrete foundation showing.  He said, "I can really see that now. My eye doesn't like it."  I agreed.  So he suggested wrapping the post with leftover tile pieces.  Great idea and no extra labor charge.  He had his worker who was finishing the rest of the grouting do it.  I was inside and then off on a little walk with my "loaner dog" as it was one of our days together.  When I came back, I took a look at it and was really unhappy with the way it had been done.  It was more distracting, as far as I was concerned.

John would have been all over it making sure it was redone the way it should have been.  He wouldn't have been rude or nasty, just insistent.  Well, wimpy me would have disliked it, but not done anything about it.  Yesterday's me "put on the big girl panties" and called our contractor.  I said flat out how much it bothered me, that it wasn't done the way I expected, and it was unacceptable.  I kept my tone firm, but polite.  After multiple phone calls, he sent his worker back.  I explained why I would rather have the whole cladding taken off and go back to plain foundation than have it like it was.  We had a bit of a language barrier, which was a challenge.  Ultimately, the tile worker simply took two scraps, mitered them, and showed me how he thought it should be done--which was exactly how John would have done it.  I gave the thumbs up, applauded, and said thank you.  Even though it was later in the day, he took the whole thing off the post, cleaned it up, cut new pieces, mitered them perfectly.  Then he relaid and regrouted it because otherwise having it sit and set would have made it much harder to do.

Our contractor came by and asked what I thought.  I told him it was exactly as I wanted (it was) and that I appreciated his worker's efforts to make it right.  (In truth, I think that's how his worker would have done it from the start if we hadn't had a language barrier because he was really determined to make me understand how he thought it should be done.)

And so, I spoke up, didn't back down, and got what I wanted.  Last night I looked at his picture and said exactly that.  I know he would be really proud of me for that, for not letting it go and being unhappy every time I saw it for however many years I'm here.  This morning I looked at it and smiled to myself knowing it's just one more step on the road of the life I'm living now.

 

[Lars M]

I trimmed my dogs toe nails last week. I hatted it when she did it I had to leave the room because I made my dog yelp on time so I suck it up and did it she would have been proud of me. 

[KayC]

I love this thread & want to say I am proud of all of you, I know how hard it is!  They would be so proud us!  And I'm sure they are.

[Rocky5678]

Guy loved playing chess. I just started after he passed to be closer to him. I won. He would have pulled me close and giggled and said "10 out of 10! Would recommend" 

I cleaned the fish tanks. 

I installed the shower head we bought that changes colors. 

I hung pictures we just bought above the bed. 

I installed the new smoke alarm. 

I showered. 

 

[Michelene]

I set up our internet--climbed on the roof to set up the station and did all the technical stuff on the computer, too.

Built a coffee table out of my dad's old navy footlocker and and extra leaf from the kitchen table. 

I always say out loud, See? I WAS paying attention! I DID listen to you!

 

[Michelene]

13 hours ago, Rocky5678 said:

 

"I showered. "

I know those days! sometimes that is my greatest achievement

13 hours ago, Rocky5678 said:

 

 

[jmmosley53]

I used the jigsaw and cut the boards to the right size without anything bad happening.  A section of gutter was hanging loose, I got on the tall ladder and reattached it. 

Those were both things I wouldn't have attempted, because I never needed to but, when the time came and I did it, I was proud of myself. 

He always was proud of my accomplishments. 

[LoveNeverDies]

I got out of bed

[steveb]

I saw my hematologist during my biannual visit this week. The doc said my blood work was fantastic. My wife always want me to walk for exercise. Well, I got a treadmill for my daughter but I’ve been using it a lot myself.  I walk, do calisthenics, plus watch my diet.   From a health perspective, the benefits have been huge. From a mental perspective, it’s been very therapeutic. My wife is still looking out for me ☺️

[SharedLife]

On 12/18/2020 at 11:56 AM, Rocky5678 said:

I showered.

Damn. I  knew I was forgetting something. Thanks for the reminder.

[LMR]

Finally! I wrote three letters. Complaint letters to hospital, nursing facility and doctor. I don't know what response I expect. I will probably be ignored but I needed to get this out of my system. There was no need for my husband to die. Why should they just walk away? I bet they didnt spend two minutes thinking about it. Just another day at the office. I need them to know they failed us.

[steveb]

LMR, maybe you need to consult a   malpractice attorney.  Just be sure it’s what you want to do. My uncle went to court after my aunt passed. Per my mom, it was an extremely traumatic event for him. Gob bless ... steveb

[LMR]

Steveb

Thank you. I already looked into that. Three months ago I thought I would just talk to a professional and then decide but nobody was interested. Apparently they were overwhelmed with covid cases!! One told me there were new rules that prevented them from looking at my case!?

I knew it would be tough but I had support from friends at the time. It's just hard letting people get away with negligence.

[BBB]

22 hours ago, LMR said:

Finally! I wrote three letters. Complaint letters to hospital, nursing facility and doctor. I don't know what response I expect. I will probably be ignored but I needed to get this out of my system. There was no need for my husband to die. Why should they just walk away? I bet they didnt spend two minutes thinking about it. Just another day at the office. I need them to know they failed us.

I did this too because they just simply gave up on my wife

 

[SharedLife]

On 12/22/2020 at 1:23 PM, LMR said:

Finally! I wrote three letters. Complaint letters to hospital, nursing facility and doctor.

I wrote letters to the hospital and the joint commission on hospital accreditation. Nothing came of it, and I would have been surprised if it had. The best thing about writing the letters was that it allowed me to get my concerns off my chest.  A medical malpractice legal battle can stretch out forever and can be very difficult to win (their experts against your experts) and (perhaps) costly. And even if you win, that won't bring them back.

I'm sorry for your experience. I don't think it's uncommon.

[LMR]

You're right. It's unlikely I will even get a response but like you I feel better for getting it off my chest.

[Sparky1]

My wife while she was in the hospital wanted to go after the whole gang that took care of her. Doctors, nurses, specialists, you name it. They were callous, uncaring, rude, and so on. I've also thought of taking action but it would be expensive and drawn out. It won't bring my wife back unfortunately. I don't like hospitals and I definitely don't trust most doctors. It's always about the bottom line and my wife meant everything to me but not to them.

[MODArtemis2019]

Hi everyone, I appreciate all the responses. Please remember the title and positive intention of this thread, "My Partner Would be Proud of Me: Share Yours Please." Please feel free to start a new thread for posts that are not about this topic. I look forward to more examples in this thread of how people are dealing with challenges on their own. Thanks!

[Gail 8588]

John is proud of me, I am sure.  It's been a long road so far (almost 4 years) but I am finally coming out of the fog and beginning to really live again.

The holidays are weird because of covid-19, but I find real joy in zooming with my grandson (now 2). I have been reaching out to neighbors who are suffering. I am even enjoying the cold weather we are expecting (tomorrow's high only 48 - quite chilly for Florida.)  I have a nice sweater picked out for Christmas day.  It was a gift from John from a Christmas past.  It will be his embrace all day long. 

Peace

Gail

[KayC]

Gail, thank you for sharing that, I hope that sweater brings you comfort and warmth from him.

On 12/22/2020 at 10:23 AM, LMR said:

Finally! I wrote three letters. Complaint letters to hospital, nursing facility and doctor. I don't know what response I expect. I will probably be ignored but I needed to get this out of my system. There was no need for my husband to die. Why should they just walk away? I bet they didnt spend two minutes thinking about it. Just another day at the office. I need them to know they failed us.

I feel this is worth responding to, regardless of thread title...then you all can go back to what you were discussing, so the rest of you, feel free to skip over this.

George felt his doctor (which had been mine for years, before we married) was dismissive of his complaints.  He literally died of a heart attack and then was unconscious at the wheel, and totaled his new car.  It severely damaged his heart, but the airbag going off gave the thrust to his chest that restarted his heart, giving him six months to the day to live.  We found this all out that last weekend he was in the hospital.  The doctor he had, had "assumed" it was his diabetes, it wasn't.  George was puzzled by that as he'd taken his BS before leaving work and even ate on the way home.  He usually felt his BS dropping, this time he did not.  That alone should have given the doctor pause and he SHOULD have ordered tests & referred him to a cardiologist.  He did not.  That negligence cost George his life.  This also happened to another patient of his who died around the same time as George did.

I made an appt to see the doctor.  I told him my concerns.  I asked only one thing of him, to never let this happen to another patient.  He spent 1/2 hour listening to me and promised me he would never make that mistake again.  That is what I wanted...nothing would bring George back, but I really wanted the doctor to LEARN from this and not do it again.

This is a great thread, I've already addressed it, I know George is proud of me! 

 

[widower2]

I won't go on a medical profession rant per the OP's request, but since I don't focus much on what I felt I did right (God knows, I did so much wrong)...what would she be proud of? For starters, after her loss I didn't have the "luxury" of just mourning her loss; I not only had to deal with affairs but making it far harder was her train wreck of a family, esp her daughters from Hell, trying to get her will tossed out and make a big money grab for themselves and generally driving me insane. Then I had to move out of her house (which she stated in the will I could live in; long story) and as I was her full-time caregiver, I not only had to move, I had to find a job too. I managed to do all of that somehow, so I'd like to think she would be proud and glad that I got her will enforced as she wanted and also saved her house that she loved from falling into her daughter's hands. I also made a point of sending thank you notes to each of her closest friends, thanking them for the help and support they gave during those most trying times (bringing meals over etc)...I never sent a thank you card in my life, but she was big on it, so I think she would have appreciated that. (Not that anyone bothered to respond in any way or even keep in touch)  And I think I took very good care of her/"our" dog, who we were both very close to, until I had to put him down a couple of years ago. 

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, widower2 said:

I also made a point of sending thank you notes to each of her closest friends, thanking them for the help and support they gave during those most trying times (bringing meals over etc)...I never sent a thank you card in my life, but she was big on it, so I think she would have appreciated that. (Not that anyone bothered to respond in any way or even keep in touch) 

IMO, this is a huge deal.  Usually, I hesitate to assume anything, but I am 100% certain she would be proud because thank you notes tend to be a, well, woman thing on the whole.  John would do them, like after our wedding we did the thank you notes together, and he was really good about finding just the perfect cards for me, our daughter, and my baby sister (they were really close) for special occasions or just because, but it would have taken him a lot of energy and emotional effort to write ones like you did.  He would have, I know this, but it would have taken so much out of him.  I would have been incredibly proud of him for doing it.

I'm sorry that you, like so many, had people drift (or maybe even, run) away.  I know I am so lucky that our small circle is still there for me and has even expanded a little with neighbors who were casual friends and are now good friends.

Little p.s., I'm sorry you had to deal with "the daughter from hell."  My uncle's wife's adult children made my mom's life miserable after he died.  They tried to take everything, including our family heirlooms and a couple of valuable items my mom had lent to my uncle.  We had to fight them and still didn't "win" because my uncle had not kept his will up to date, so they managed to steal (as far as I'm concerned) many things.  I sometimes can't believe how people behave at times like that.

[SharedLife]

4 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I sometimes can't believe how people behave at times like that.

It seems to happen far too often: Vultures swooping in. Wills are important for that reason. After my wife passed away, I added a codicil to my will, hoping to prevent something like that. I also knew she had possessions which my children or grandchildren admired and cherished I invited them all to visit the house and take whatever they wanted (I set aside  pictures and several small items I wanted to keep).  I gave my wife's engagement ring to a granddaughter who was utterly devastated by my wife's death, hoping that might ease her pain and because I knew that was what my wife would want. And I know that ring will help ensure the memory of her lives on in someone's heart after I'm gone.

In keeping with the theme of this topic: She would be proud of me.

As survivors, we have an obligation to ensure we have a last will and testament and to keep it up to date...for the sake of the loved ones who survive us.

[steveb]

Great advice SharedLife.  

[ledzepfan]

On 12/19/2020 at 3:38 PM, steveb said:

I saw my hematologist during my biannual visit this week. The doc said my blood work was fantastic. My wife always want me to walk for exercise. Well, I got a treadmill for my daughter but I’ve been using it a lot myself.  I walk, do calisthenics, plus watch my diet.   From a health perspective, the benefits have been huge. From a mental perspective, it’s been very therapeutic. My wife is still looking out for me ☺️

❤️❤️❤️

[Yoli]

Ok I have been struggling with this one but I am sure my Indy would be proud I got through her birthday (December 10). She was a reader so I bought a biography (Obama) which I will read for her and I will do that each year now.

Also I am sure she would be proud of me for getting through Christmas. And if I may reach a little here, I am sure each of your loves will be proud for the same reason, whether it be the first, second, third or fifteen Christmas.

[widower2]

17 hours ago, SharedLife said:

It seems to happen far too often: Vultures swooping in. Wills are important for that reason.

I have never cared for sidetracking much in threads, but this deserves repeating and can't be overstated. If I was king for a day it would be a federal law to have one as soon as you turn 18 and would have to be updated a minimum of once every 5 years, as well as if you get married, divorced, or widowed. Really it blows my mind that this is not mandatory.