Lost

[LoveNeverDies]

I can’t seem to cope with this anymore, thoughts of ending my life are more often . I feel like a useless human being right now, everyday things are a major chore. I don’t know how to go on .

[SharedLife]

I've had those same thoughts daily for six months. One thing that has restrained me is that my father committed suicide when I was 8 years old.  It was a tragedy for me and his entire family.  It's something survivors never forget, never get over.  Surely you've got family members, other loved ones, onto whom you'll be inflicting the same sort of grief (although perhaps much less) that you're feeling now.  Have you tried to seek out a support group?  Were you able to get the electric issue addressed?  Please try to keep moving.

[Sparky1]

1 hour ago, LoveNeverDies said:

I can’t seem to cope with this anymore, thoughts of ending my life are more often . I feel like a useless human being right now, everyday things are a major chore. I don’t know how to go on .

I get similar feelings but I know I wouldn't take my own life no matter what. I ask God to take me as soon as He can instead. A lot of us have the same feelings you do and trust me, it's very difficult for me as well. There's the sense of despair, loneliness, helplessness, not knowing what decisions to make and so on. Especially now that the Christmas holiday is here, things will be very tough. My wife had made plans for Christmas many months ago, and now she won't be around to gather with the family. For us there will be a get together, but definitely no celebration. Not for a long while anyway. We have to struggle on no matter what even though we all feel this way.

[AlwaysTogether]

I think everyone in some point of the pain think about die.. I told god, take me, not him. The. When I realized was true and I cannot change it.. I thought “God, take me for I can be with him”..

like sparky1 I don’t feel capable to take my own life. And I hope you are not considering it. Because even between the pain think in what he would like for you.. am sure your loved one would like you try to take care of your self.. it’s not always successful but we have to try.. eat and sleep it’s a good start, even if you have to force yourself

you are not alone in this pain and hell. We all understand what you are feeling. Keep writing, and try to be close of family or friends.

I will pray for you 

[LoveNeverDies]

I’m so sorry, I feel like I’m in a dark hole and my hands are hanging on to the edge , but are slipping off. I just don’t know how to go on .I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to, last time I talked to my sister she asked how I was doing and I started crying, because I feel like I’m falling apart. So, needless to say, she doesn’t call anymore. 
 

SharedLife, I’m so sorry you had to go through the suicide of your dad, I can’t imagine the pain you went through at such a young age. I think of what my kids would go through if I went through with it , which is probably the only reason I’m still here.

[Maria_PI]

I am so sorry you feel this way! The closest I felt to this during the first few months since my love passed, was the urge to escape, to disappear somewhere where no one knew me and I could just be nobody. But it’s not possible for a number of reasons, including my mom who is also newly widowed after my dad passed in January. We now talk every day. I couldn’t do it, I had to fight this urge, if not for myself, for my Darling because he would want me to live a good life. We didn’t have kids, his two daughters are adults and worlds away. Sound like you have some very good reasons close to you to keep on living, I hope you find the strength. It’s hard, I used to scream and cry out loud in the empty house, but we have to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I have a favorite Willie Nelson song which says “It’s not something you get over, it’s something you get through”. (((Hugs)))


Sent from my iPad using Grieving.com

[KayC]

Please, please, hang in there and give this the needed time to adjust to all of these changes...it is a long term journey but time and getting help makes a difference.  I hope and pray you're seeing a grief counselor and will reach out to a suicide hotline if necessary.  Give yourself that gift.

Every article you read, video you watch, post you read and post to, it all helps.  I hope you look for a grief support group as well.  Do this for your family at first, someday you'll get to where you can care about yourself.  Look for ANY good in your day and embrace it!  Did anyone call you?  A check in the mail, a smile from a neighbor, something that tasted good, music that touched you, a pet that shows you love, ANYTHING!  

[Rocky5678]

It's so hard every day. I started a blog. It's helping me to write things out and what I feel when I feel like there's nobody to talk to. You will be so missed by your children and family. I know you feel alone. I know you feel hopeless. You will be ok. I can't say when or how. But life does get better. Have you spoken to your dr? I was feeling suicidal when life was great a couple years ago. I couldn't help the depression. I was on top of the world and still wanted to die. He started me on an SSRI that brought me back. 

Medication isn't the dream solution, but it can help until you start to feel yourself again. Please reach out to me anytime you feel alone. I'll listen. I'll talk. I'll be whatever you need. I'll cry with you. I'll listen to you cry. You don't need to be alone. 

You are hurting so badly. This is one of the only times in my life I can understand what you're going thru and truly feel the pain. Please accept help and reach out to people. You are loved and cared for. It's just hard to feel and see it right now. <3 

[Missy1]

On 12/16/2020 at 10:39 AM, AlwaysTogether said:

I think everyone in some point of the pain think about die.. I told god, take me, not him. The. When I realized was true and I cannot change it.. I thought “God, take me for I can be with him”..

like sparky1 I don’t feel capable to take my own life. And I hope you are not considering it. Because even between the pain think in what he would like for you.. am sure your loved one would like you try to take care of your self.. it’s not always successful but we have to try.. eat and sleep it’s a good start, even if you have to force yourself

you are not alone in this pain and hell. We all understand what you are feeling. Keep writing, and try to be close of family or friends.

I will pray for you 

 

On 12/16/2020 at 9:15 AM, LoveNeverDies said:

I can’t seem to cope with this anymore, thoughts of ending my life are more often . I feel like a useless human being right now, everyday things are a major chore. I don’t know how to go on .

It’s very common to feel this way. Try to take this one day at a time, think about the pain and devastation your loss would cause. My husband committed suicide, he was not in his rational mind. I witnessed  all of it, I saw him cry where realized what he had done, too late, in ICU.. So many people love him, many lives broken and will mourn his passing forever..

I think about how much pain you are in now, they say the grief  levels off and is becomes part of you, softer and we learn to carry this love we lost. I am so grateful for this forum, people here care and share their experiences very honestly. This place has saved me and I will keep coming here because these beautiful, kind people understand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[foreverhis]

On 12/16/2020 at 11:10 AM, LoveNeverDies said:

So, needless to say, she doesn’t call anymore. 

I'm really sad to hear this.  Harsh as this sounds, how the heck did she think you were going to respond?  Did she expect, "Oh, I'm great.  I'm over it and back to being super happy"?  It hasn't even been a month for you!

I know that's a bit of hyperbole, but it drives me batty when people, especially those closest to us, want us to pretend everything is fine.  I get that our grief can be really uncomfortable for others.  We're a tangible reminder that "This could and someday will happen to you."  We also are living proof to those around us that life itself is fragile and precious, and something most (frankly, including me for a long time) take for granted.  And people don't know how to react or what to say, so they often either say something really hurtful like, "You just need to get over it," or they say nothing at all and disengage from us completely.

For quite a long time, I spent a great deal of my limited energy "putting on the brave face."  Then one day, I looked at our sister- and brother-by-choice and told them that I couldn't do that all the time any more.  I said I might just fall apart in front of them from time to time.  They seemed almost relieved.  A few days later after they'd headed home from that visit, he sent me a photo of one of those big signs that people put up with sayings on them.  It said, "It's okay if you fall apart sometimes.  Tacos fall apart and we still love them."  As he intended, it made me smile, but it was also his way of saying, "For pity's sake, you should know you never have to pretend with us!  We love you both and we're family."  In fact, he and John were closer to each other than they were to their own brothers, so it's been hard for him too.  But he knows that his pain is nothing like what I live with day in and day out. 

Just knowing I have the support of my small, loyal circle has helped so much.  I am so sorry that your sister caused you more pain by simply disappearing. 

((HUGS))

[KayC]

On 12/20/2020 at 10:34 AM, foreverhis said:

"It's okay if you fall apart sometimes.  Tacos fall apart and we still love them."

I love that!