Members Shalini Posted December 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 I lost my mom yesterday (11.12.20), she had been battling cancer stage 4 colon cancer for almost 2 years. I am 31 and never in my life had I imagined losing my mom so early in life. She just left us so suddenly and traumatically. The ambulance was on the way but before they could reach she had collapsed. My mind just keeps playing the same thing over and over - me calling out to her to keep her conscious, keep her with me. Watching the paramedics trying to revive her, eventually pronouncing her... She has only just turned 60 last month and I am so angry and scared. I wish she had more time, I didnt even get to tell her that I loved her. I had so much I wanted to say to her and hear from her. I am feeling so many things right now. There are moments when I feel like the pain is manageable when we are all together, talking about her, but when I am alone it all feels so unbearable. I am just so scared when I think of living the rest of my life without her. I am also scared of something bad happening, like life is not done with it's cruelty yet. Does the pain ever lessen? I dont think I even know how to grieve. All I can feel is this void, this pain. Where do I go from here? For the last 2 years I had been with her day and night. God I feel so helpless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted December 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 12, 2020 Dear Shalini, Our deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry for your devastating loss. It is a terrible shock to lose a parent. Be kind and gentle to yourself during this very sad and difficult time. Please know your feelings are normal. I was so raw when I lost my dad. Everyone told me I would feel better with more time. It took almost a year and a half and even now after four years just the thought of my dad will bring me to tears. I hope you will surround yourself with loving and kind friends and family. Please know that you are not alone and we are with you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers. With hugs, Reader Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missyp09 Posted December 13, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2020 I lost my beautiful momma in February of this year and it was the longest and shortest 10 days of my life!! I never imagined or thought that it would be so hard and heart breaking! She was everything as a single mother she was both mom and dad then later she became my best friend. Some days I don’t have the energy to do anything I have lost two jobs since her death and I know it’s because I just cannot seem to get it together! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted December 13, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2020 Shalini, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard. We learn to live with and around our grief. One step at a time. That is all that we can do. You have only just lost your Mum. You need to feel and be however you want or need to be. I felt like I was living in a fog for a very long time after my Mum passed. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you if you can. You mentioned in your post that you feel like you had things left unsaid. When my Mum died suddenly 4 years ago my siblings and my Dad and I all wrote Mum a letter. I got to write all the things to her that I never got to say. This really helped me. Most importantly be kind to yourself. We are here on this forum if you need us. You are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shalini Posted December 18, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2020 On 12/12/2020 at 11:46 AM, reader said: Dear Shalini, Our deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry for your devastating loss. It is a terrible shock to lose a parent. Be kind and gentle to yourself during this very sad and difficult time. Please know your feelings are normal. I was so raw when I lost my dad. Everyone told me I would feel better with more time. It took almost a year and a half and even now after four years just the thought of my dad will bring me to tears. I hope you will surround yourself with loving and kind friends and family. Please know that you are not alone and we are with you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers. With hugs, Reader I am really sorry that you had to go through something like this too. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom. Your words bring me much comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shalini Posted December 18, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2020 On 12/13/2020 at 5:54 AM, Missyp09 said: I lost my beautiful momma in February of this year and it was the longest and shortest 10 days of my life!! I never imagined or thought that it would be so hard and heart breaking! She was everything as a single mother she was both mom and dad then later she became my best friend. Some days I don’t have the energy to do anything I have lost two jobs since her death and I know it’s because I just cannot seem to get it together! I am so sorry for your loss @Missyp09I can completely relate, my mom passed away last friday and it's been exactly one week - the longest and shortest week of my life. I have been having a hard time imagining how to live the coming days and weeks without her. I gave up my work to tend to her when she got sick and now I feel so empty. How have you been coping? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shalini Posted December 18, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2020 Thank you @Monty. I am going to write my mom a letter too, hoping it helps me too in this process. People who have gotten in touch with me in these last few days have all been pushing me to get back to normal life as soon as possible. I dont even know what normal looks like anymore. I cant even bring myself to think of the days or weeks to come. So far the members and readers of this forum have been the only ones to really understand what I am going through. I am grateful to have found this place. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missyp09 Posted December 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2020 I am not really coping at all right now! I think this time of year is the worst for me and probably for allot of others that have lost someone. I had 2 panic or breakdowns yesterday it was just awful! Praying for peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missyp09 Posted December 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Shalini said: I am so sorry for your loss @Missyp09I can completely relate, my mom passed away last friday and it's been exactly one week - the longest and shortest week of my life. I have been having a hard time imagining how to live the coming days and weeks without her. I gave up my work to tend to her when she got sick and now I feel so empty. How have you been coping? @Shalini I don’t think I am coping with it very well at all! I look at a picture cry or see something she would like and cry it’s like my grief has been delayed or something idk if that makes sense but that’s what I am doing now will be saying prayers for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shalini Posted December 18, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2020 4 minutes ago, Missyp09 said: @Shalini I don’t think I am coping with it very well at all! I look at a picture cry or see something she would like and cry it’s like my grief has been delayed or something idk if that makes sense but that’s what I am doing now will be saying prayers for you My heart goes out to you... With each passing day and I am going on about my life I am reminded of her in everything and just like that it becomes difficult to focus on anything, even breathing. I am dreading each moment to come when I experience something that I never have without her. I will be praying for you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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