My life is gone.

[AlwaysTogether]

I loss my fiancé 11/01. Now I can see so many people have grief, but you never expect are going to be you. My love 35 years old, was working in an oil rig. He had a heart attack 4 days before we go to Cancun on vacation. Apparently, the medical answer of the rig wasn´t correct, and the helicopter time was excessive (almost 2 h). Its hard losing him but I cannot forgive maybe is somebody fault.

I feel I am in reverse, I don’t find motivation. I cannot imagine a life without him. I just miss him so much. He was/is/will be the love of my life, I love him with all my heart, mind, soul and I just cannot imagine the world without him. People say me “you are young”, that’s make me angry.. they don’t understand he was my entirely life. I spend 2 weeks with his family and his daughter in USA, was a blessing can be with them in this moment. Now I am back to our home in Spain. Is just to difficult. Its unfair wrong. I justo don’t know how to continue..

I entire life with him was not going to be enough. How God dare to take him from me side so soon, ¿why don’t let me at least take care of him? I just want to he hug me and say me “I love you princess all is going to be rigth”  but I need him.. I admire you all, because this pain is horrible, the empty in your heart and stomach, the breaking heart. Your life just comes down, and you don’t even are availed to take the pieces.

[jmmosley53]

Hello AlwaysTogether,

I am so sorry for your loss.  It has been 8 months since my husband died.  The first few months I was in a complete fog, my mind was paralyzed with pain.  I still feel the pain but my mind is starting to function again.  I can see that time is passing and that I can not stop the world, I have to start taking steps and move forward.  It is hard, it is not what I want, but there is no choice.

Please give your self time - don't think past today.  Your mind is so full of pain right now that you should not think about the future.  Just get through today - that is enough.

[KayC]

I am so sorry, it's the hardest thing in the world, I know.  I didn't meet my husband until my mid-40s, he was my soulmate and best friend.  Also unexpected sudden heart attack, he made it to the hospital but two days later suffered a fatal one with all the best doctors in attendance.  That was 15 1/2 years ago.  
I am so glad you found this site, it was a site such as this that saved me all those years ago...I've been learning ever since.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

[AlwaysTogether]

Thank you @jmmosley53 and @KayC.

I really don’t know how to handle this pain. I feel like a zombie, I do things because I have to, but my mind is 24h thinking in him. A lot of people spent a life looking for their soulmates, and maybe never found it.. I found the most beautiful, kind, smart, sweet, funny, a little grumpy, good man.. he was my another half, i just feel somebody take my heart and I only feel empty and pain.. i send you both strength and my prayers. At least here you can express a little what you feel I think that’s necessary and you not always can make it with people who never experienced grief.. 

[LoveNeverDies]

My deepest condolences ....It’s such a horrible emotional agony ,emptiness , loneliness to lose someone that you loved so much . I lost my soulmate on 11/27 . I walk around like a zombie some days and then it hits me like a tons of bricks, where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I tend to come here when I’m feeling lonely, because I know I’m not the only one going through this pain. I hope you find some comfort here too, just writing out your feelings can help. Please keep coming back , hopefully we can help. Hugs

[KayC]

@AlwaysTogether  George was my soulmate and best friend, lover, everything.  We were joined at the hip, so to speak.  It's been 15 1/2 years since he passed.  I can relate to what you say.  Of course you don't know how to do this, neither did I, we get through it, little by little.  One day at a time has become my motto.  I still do one day at a time, I can't handle any more than that.

[Sparky1]

You know, sometimes one day at a time is even tough to follow. There are days when the hurt and despair is not that bad, yet then there are days when it becomes too much. I used to tell my wife when she wasn't feeling great that she was my life and I needed her. Now that she's gone, I do feel like my life is empty , my future is bleak and I feel like I'm  a ship out in the ocean with no rudder to steer with. One of our favourite songs that we used to slow dance to was ' Vivo per lei' which is Italian for ' I live for you'. Those words are so true and breaks me up when I hear it, thinking of the happier times we used to share.

[KayC]

10 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

sometimes one day at a time is even tough to follow.

Oh yes!  In the early part of my journey, it was often one hour or even one moment at a time!

10 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

One of our favourite songs that we used to slow dance to was ' Vivo per lei' which is Italian for ' I live for you'. Those words are so true and breaks me up when I hear it, thinking of the happier times we used to share.

(((hugs)))

[LoveNeverDies]

I agree, today I woke up thinking I would get some things done. Then an hour later I’m a wreck thinking about him. Songs .. I can’t listen to music yet .Especially my song to him “ Have I Told you Lately” by Rod Stewart or his song to me “Lady” by Styx . Sometimes I wonder if this pain will ever go away , the loneliness, the tears , that lost feeling without him here .