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Losing a parent in an accident


Laura84

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Posted

Saying hello and looking for a community of people going through similar for comfort and healing.

I’m 36. I lost my dad last week to a tragic accident at work, I am his only child and he leaves behind his wife/my mum.

I have a wonderful support group but I am struggling to sleep, I go over the events of the accident in my head - wondering if he suffered. I also worry for my future - my dad was my best friend, always by my side and I can’t bear to think of my future without him - that if I get married he won’t walk me down the aisle. 

the accident was so fluke and unlucky its just unheard of and I know people around me are suffering and also struggling to think how they can comprehend how me and my mum feel. There are just no words.

Not exactly sure how people can help but perhaps anyone here with similar experiences or advice on what I have to come 

Laura x  

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Posted

Dear Laura, 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent so suddenly must be incredibly hard. I too struggle when I think of what my mother's last moments must've been. It kills me that I will never know. The future is scary. Take it one day at a time, even if it feels unnatural, it's the only way to get through tragedies like these. 

We can never fathom that such terrible things can happen to us. Before this, it was always something that happened to other people, something we read about somewhere. Itll take a while for you to pick up the pieces of your reality. Allow your mind the time and space it needs to do that. 

Sending you lots of love.

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SkyHighLindsay
Posted

Hey Laura,

Firstly, I'm so terribly sorry for this massive turd that life has thrown yours and your mums way. I haven't been on this site for 3 years now, since losing my dad in a tragic cycling accident back in July 2017. Similarly to you, he was my best friend and really the love of my life. I never thought about marriage much before losing him, but suddenly the thought of having a wedding felt absolutely impossible without, what would have undoubtedly been, a one man comedy show of a speech from him. It's funny what you can become fixated on when you're in shock and processing such a loss. 

I can honestly say that the shock of the accident for me didn't really fade for a very long time. And although it's hard, those sorts of questions were still popping into my mind 2 years later. I know my friends and family really appreciated having candid conversations about what I was thinking, so perhaps when you feel ready you can let your friends and family be there for you and have those conversations with you. I suppose the hardest thing for them is that they have absolutely no concept of what you're feeling or how to be useful! The main piece of advice I'd give you is to absolve yourself of any guilt for how other people are feeling and just keep focused on yourself and your mum. Be really kind to yourself - you deserve it. You really do. Drink lots when you want to be boozy and have a wine cry, sleep lots when you just need to lie down all day, book that expensive spa day when you need it, and go for lovely country walks with your mum when you can to get that nature fix that's so good for the soul. 

It's been an interesting 3 years for me navigating this grief. And the hard things about these forums is that you know the journey that other people have ahead of them when they are a little earlier on their path than you. But I can promise you that the waves of grief, the questions etc do calm down with time. I've found this year it's become immeasurably easier to look at photos, tell funny stories, laugh at silly memories etc with people, or just with myself. I can really remember the incredibly relationship we had/ will always have now that the immediate shock and pain has subsided. 

I write this particularly rambling blog a few months ago (https://skyhighearthdiaries.wordpress.com/2020/06/04/on-grieving-during-a-time-of-global-grief/), in case it offers any comforting words in there. Sending lots of hugs and thoughts to you guys. Drop me a message if you ever want to chat about anything. Always happy to be an anonymous support/ answer any Qs if you want someone to relate to that's been through similar. 

xxx Lindsay (in West Sussex) 

 

 

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