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My Soul....HELP!!


ghall26

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I Lost My Beautiful Husband Of 28 yrs. to Cancer in Jan. 2010--------------------------

I don't know where to start------ my husband of 28 yrs. died of cancer Jan. 22, 2010------

He was my soul mate, my rock, my like, my everything!!

He was in another state helping his dad when he died, I found out by voice-mail!!

I drove up there by myself, (Never did that before--my husband always drove!!)

and get there and was told I came for no reason, to go home, I wasn't allowed to see him before he was cremated, I was told if I showed up to the funeral, and burial of his ashes, I would be arrested, I wasn't even mentioned in the obituary!!

They know how much we loved each other and he would be so mad at how the love of his existence was treated!!

We were each others reason to even be here on this earth--------------------- now he's GONE.... and I'm so alone, I feel like I have a hole in my chest the size of the universe!!

as I sit here and type this I can't even do it without crying, I cry all the time it hurts so bad!!!!

we NEVER went a day in 28 yrs, without talking on the phone, e-mailing when he wasn't here, or being with each other in person!! Every day I would check my e-mail and have at least 10 e-mails from him, when he was out of town, wishing me a great day and how much he loves & misses me--now-----NOTHING!!

Since I was his wife--I requested a copy of his death certificate and it' lists----

Esophageal cancer, he only knew he had it for 4 days then he got cardiogenic shock for 12 hrs and died, his family won't talk to me so I don't know if anyone was with him when he died, or did he die alone, did he suffer, (GOD I PRAY he didn't!!) But these are things I NEED to know!!

My Brother & Mom tell me I need to just move on and "Suck It Up" that they understand why I feel this way but that I can't live the rest of my life like this!!

I want to be with him sooooooooooo BAD!!

Please help me, I don't know where else to go--I have no one anymore!!!!

I have a whole list of stuff he had-----he went in by ambulance with a GI Bleed, severe nausea, tarry stools, vomiting and vomiting blood.

Another Question-----------

WHY is it that all these people talk about dying and coming back and also "Seeing & Talking" to their loved ones and friends that have passed on-----------

WHY can't I??????

I see every single day where people have been in contact with their loved ones!!!!

WHY Can't I see and talk to my husband???????????

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I Lost My Beautiful Husband Of 28 yrs. to Cancer in Jan. 2010--------------------------

I don't know where to start------ my husband of 28 yrs. died of cancer Jan. 22, 2010------

He was my soul mate, my rock, my like, my everything!!

He was in another state helping his dad when he died, I found out by voice-mail!!

I drove up there by myself, (Never did that before--my husband always drove!!)

and get there and was told I came for no reason, to go home, I wasn't allowed to see him before he was cremated, I was told if I showed up to the funeral, and burial of his ashes, I would be arrested, I wasn't even mentioned in the obituary!!

They know how much we loved each other and he would be so mad at how the love of his existence was treated!!

We were each others reason to even be here on this earth--------------------- now he's GONE.... and I'm so alone, I feel like I have a hole in my chest the size of the universe!!

as I sit here and type this I can't even do it without crying, I cry all the time it hurts so bad!!!!

we NEVER went a day in 28 yrs, without talking on the phone, e-mailing when he wasn't here, or being with each other in person!! Every day I would check my e-mail and have at least 10 e-mails from him, when he was out of town, wishing me a great day and how much he loves & misses me--now-----NOTHING!!

Since I was his wife--I requested a copy of his death certificate and it' lists----

Esophageal cancer, he only knew he had it for 4 days then he got cardiogenic shock for 12 hrs and died, his family won't talk to me so I don't know if anyone was with him when he died, or did he die alone, did he suffer, (GOD I PRAY he didn't!!) But these are things I NEED to know!!

My Brother & Mom tell me I need to just move on and "Suck It Up" that they understand why I feel this way but that I can't live the rest of my life like this!!

I want to be with him sooooooooooo BAD!!

Please help me, I don't know where else to go--I have no one anymore!!!!

I have a whole list of stuff he had-----he went in by ambulance with a GI Bleed, severe nausea, tarry stools, vomiting and vomiting blood.

Another Question-----------

WHY is it that all these people talk about dying and coming back and also "Seeing & Talking" to their loved ones and friends that have passed on-----------

WHY can't I??????

I see every single day where people have been in contact with their loved ones!!!!

WHY Can't I see and talk to my husband???????????

I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. The shock of it all, and the way his family treated you must be overwhelming at times. I know there is nothing you can do about it now, but why did his family make all the arrangements? Why would you have been arrested? And why won't they talk to you?

Some people experience a phenomena in which they are visited by their lost loved ones. I am really not knowledgeable about this type of situation. I don't know what to think about all of that.

I know you are lost without him. Do you have people to talk to about all of this? Can you talk to a counselor or your spiritual leader?

There are many people here who have suffered the loss of their soul mate. They will be able to offer you encouragement and support. We will be here to listen to you.

ModKonnie

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I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. The shock of it all, and the way his family treated you must be overwhelming at times. I know there is nothing you can do about it now, but why did his family make all the arrangements? Why would you have been arrested? And why won't they talk to you?

Some people experience a phenomena in which they are visited by their lost loved ones. I am really not knowledgeable about this type of situation. I don't know what to think about all of that.

I know you are lost without him. Do you have people to talk to about all of this? Can you talk to a counselor or your spiritual leader?

There are many people here who have suffered the loss of their soul mate. They will be able to offer you encouragement and support. We will be here to listen to you.

ModKonnie

Thank you for answering me-----And I do not know--they all (His family) accepted and loved me as their own till he died-- he was in the hospital for 4 days--as soon as the ambulance got him there a CBC was done and he went from the ER to ICU in critical condition-----I have copies of ALL his records and I can't believe the things he went through before he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I wasn't even told till 2 days after he died, and by a freaking voicemail at that!!!!

He had already had been embalmed, they had the visitation, then had him cremated before I was even told he died!!!!

so I have NO closure, no nothing!!

I can't believe people can be so cruel!!

and LIED to me and him all these years!!!!!! (That they loved me as their own for the 28 yrs. we were married when he died!!)

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ghall26 - I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and the way you've been treated. How

devastating it must be for you! I saw your post on my way to the thread that I usually visit

which is Loss of an Adult Child. I lost my 29 year old daughter last August to leukemia, so

our situations are different but still the same...we lost someone we love very much. I pray

that you find the answers you are looking for and the reasons you were treated the way you

were. Please know that my heart is with you and I will pray for peace to come to you. Shelly

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Thank You So Much and I Pray you will find peace as well, It's so hard now--he was all I had, I'm all alone now!!

Except for GOD but he's busy with his things.

I have no one to talk to or anything!!:(

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Ghall26,

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine dealing with relatives like that on top of the grief and shock of your loss. No matter what history there might have been, the behavior you describe by his family is inexcusable-- and possibly illegal. In most (if not all) states, the legal spouse is the unquestioned next of kin. As spouse, YOU had the exclusive legal right to make ALL decisions pertaining to his final arrangements. It is you who could have had them arrested (and possibly still can), not the other way around. You have grounds for civil actions against not only his family, but all the institutions (hospital, funeral home etc.) who have failed to cooperate with your wishes. There is a good chance there could be criminal ramifications for them as well. I suggest you talk to a lawyer, or legal aid office in your area.

I'm pulling for you Ghall26, just be aware that people you don't even know care about you. My beloved wife passed just 5 weeks ago today, she would want me to carry on and help others. It was her way. Please get some legal advice and let us know how things go.

God bless you.

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Ghall26,

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine dealing with relatives like that on top of the grief and shock of your loss. No matter what history there might have been, the behavior you describe by his family is inexcusable-- and possibly illegal. In most (if not all) states, the legal spouse is the unquestioned next of kin. As spouse, YOU had the exclusive legal right to make ALL decisions pertaining to his final arrangements. It is you who could have had them arrested (and possibly still can), not the other way around. You have grounds for civil actions against not only his family, but all the institutions (hospital, funeral home etc.) who have failed to cooperate with your wishes. There is a good chance there could be criminal ramifications for them as well. I suggest you talk to a lawyer, or legal aid office in your area.

I'm pulling for you Ghall26, just be aware that people you don't even know care about you. My beloved wife passed just 5 weeks ago today, she would want me to carry on and help others. It was her way. Please get some legal advice and let us know how things go.

God bless you.

Thank You so much Sologeogeio!!

My Heart goes out to you as well--I KNOW how you feel right now------(Just loosing your wife 5 weeks ago!!)

Mine was Jan. 2010 but it feels like yesterday!!

He was my WHOLE Life, existence, everything for 30 + years!!!! (Married 28 yrs.)

so My soul is GONE--(With him!!)

I have nothing and no-one anymore!! :( :(

I miss him so much!!!!

GOD bless you too!!

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I am so sorry for your loss. But you were his next of kin if you were legally married. The family cannot do that to you. I just my siginificant other of 4 years to a sudden death. His family took everything away from me. I have no rights as we were not married, but I too an dealing with being unable to say goodbye.

I could take the family to court to get my personal possesions back, but I just don't want to hassle about it. It won't bring him back, and most of it was sentimental with no real value.

But you need to stand up for your rights.

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