As if losing him wasn’t enough, I get another round of devastating news.

[Jennifer15]

So i posted a few days ago of my situation. Long story short, my love was killed in a trucking accident at work on 10/22/2020. Today we got his death certificate and it stated he died of mechanical obstruction of respiration (positional asphyxiation) I was not prepared for that. We all assumed he broke his neck or had brain trauma and died instantly because the cab of the truck was crushed. Now after hearing that he suffocated to death breaks my heart. Knowing he was alive and no one went to help him angers me. I’m never going to be able to come to terms with this and start healing. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I want to just crawl into a hole and die so I don’t have to deal with this pain anymore. I am not strong enough for this. 

[jmmosley53]

Jennifer15

There is nothing I can say that will lessen your pain.  Knowing what you know about the circumstances of your beloved's death is horrible.  I know you are thinking about what he must have been thinking as he was passing away.  You will be torturing yourself if you dwell on this.  I think everyone wishing they knew what their loved was thinking at the end. 

There is just no way to know.

I make myself sick with grief when my mind goes down that path, speculating always seems to bring out worst case scenarios. 

In my opinion, if you can settle your mind with the thought, your loved one was so over joyed to see the face of God that they slipped away in in total bliss.

It is still hard for me not to dwell on the worst - but some times I can push the bad away and wonder about what it is like to be held in the hands of God.  Sense my husband's death my belief in the after life, heaven, and general spirituality has become very comforting to me.

[Gail 8588]

Jennifer, 

I am so sorry for your loss and for the additional pain you feel reading the cause of death. I think most of us struggle with some aspect of our love's death. That somehow we should have made it less terrible.  Anger, guilt, despair all tumble together.  

I think jmmosley's suggestion is a good one if you have a faith background. Also, you don't really know if he was conscious after the accident, so perhaps his suffering was not as great as you are imagining.

And as others have said in other posts, you know your love would not want you to be in such pain.  As he is watching over you now, he is wishing he could take your pain away.

I hope you can find someway to let go of these thoughts and focus on how strong your love for each other is. 

Gail

 

[KayC]

Jennifer, I am so sorry!  I reckon the only consolation is that he is no longer in pain or suffering.  None of this is right or fair.  You have a right to feel angry.  I wish so much that it had been different for all of us.