Members SDC Posted October 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2020 This is a vent: I hit the 6 month anniversary on Sunday. I feel worse now than I did 3 months ago. I'm extremely anxious and anxiety isn't a normal part of my makeup. I keep misplacing things. I panic if I can't find something. The panic is disproportionate to the worst outcome if I don't find what I misplaced. I'm anxious when I drive a new-to-me car. I can't seem to get a grip on the anxiety. I took my husband off life support after he sustained brain damage in an accident. I know rationally that was a traumatic experience--even though I know I did what he wanted for himself in such a diminished state. I know rationally the experience took a toll on my nerves and perhaps I'm feeling the manifestation more now because the work associated with his death is almost finished. All of this during a pandemic is too flipping much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 27, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted October 27, 2020 There is some discussion about it here: https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/5042-the-6th-month-mark/ I've been on grief forums daily for over 15 years, read people's posts, and I've noticed that around six months, although it could bee more or less, is one of the hardest hitting times. What I've deducted from everyone's collective posts are that it takes a while for reality to hit because the shock wears off, we're tired of being without them, and it's just getting to us! Also, support dries up, everyone is back to their lives by now and we're left alone with ours and frankly, it sucks. You are not alone in what you are feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted October 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2020 SDC, You have every right to vent. Losing your husband is awful and this pandemic makes every aspect of trying to cope with the loss more difficult. Even without a pandemic, I think experiencing increased anxiety months or even years after the death is common. At the beginning there are so many things that must be done, and generally people are providing more support. My anxiety was considerably worse in year 2 and 3 as I grappled with being alone for the rest of my life. Everyone's path is unique, but I think the level of political, social and economic uncertainty we (in the U.S.) are experiencing as a nation is not at all helpful for those of us coping with grief. It really is just too flipping much. Hang in there as best you can. Focusing on just what you need to do today, helps. One day at a time is challenge enough. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DMB Posted October 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2020 Wonder if they'll do a study on people like us---- Grief during a pandemic and the US election of 2020. Gail, I think it was you who said in another discussion that a medically induced coma sounds pretty good right about now. I just passed the 5 month mark. I feel like a pressure keg. Tears coming all the time-they say it's a release, but I've been doing this for a few weeks. I'm ready to crack. Not holding back, just want some sort of normalcy. A routine? A president who doesn't have narcissistic personality disorder, and someone to tell me why I have a sewer odor in the house only after it rains and then goes away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted October 27, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2020 DMB, Yes, the medically induced coma is an attractive option right now. The sewer odor problem is one of a never ending list of home maintenance/repair issues that were never on my to do list before. But now it's only me. Good luck with the sewer problem. I am having a self imposed news black out, in an attempt to avoid a stroke. I wish I felt there will be some relief on Nov 3, but I am not sure of that. One day at a time. Breathe in breathe out. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SDC Posted October 27, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2020 Thanks to all who took the time to reply to my vent. It is most appreciated. I relate to the comment "I feel like a pressure keg" so much. Egads! I couldn't find my debate card at the grocery today and that one little thing made me feel like I was going to explode. I actually had a tunnel vision for a couple of minutes as I frantically searched my bag. I hate how fragile it makes me feel. No doubt the election isn't helping with stress--and this progressive is aghast that RGB's legacy may be undone and that I have gay friends crying over the possibility of a conservative Supreme Court overturning marriage equality. What a **** show. Thanks again for validating that how I'm feeling lately is a norm in grief. It helps me feel less unwell. One day at a time indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted October 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2020 SDC, Unfortunately, with this election there are a great many people on both sides that truly think the election of the other candidate will be devastating for the country. It is that dynamic that keeps my stomach in knots. I really don't know how this is going to work out. I feel it is not going to be resolved when one of the 2 candidates is certified as the winner. It is the reaction of the people (like the group plotting to kidnap the Gov of Michigan) that concerns me. Our country has been at the brink of disaster before (cuban missile crisis for one example) and we avoided catastrophe. I hope we can come back from the brink now - whomever wins. It feels like we are living in dangerous times. But perhaps this is my anxiety prone widow's brain overreacting. I hope so. In the mean time, I am poking my fingers in my ears and saying La La La to myself to drown out the news (like a kid at a scary movie.) Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 28, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted October 28, 2020 Personally I will be glad when Nov. 3 is over so we can move on to something else..hopefully? Nothing seems as important as our own personal grief, throw in the pandemic, etc. and it's a bit much. What a year. What is a debate card? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted October 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2020 2 hours ago, KayC said: What is a debate card? Maybe an auto-correct of debit card? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perro J Posted October 29, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2020 At least part of me wishes to say thank you for the heads up as I am only a little past three months. The other part of me wishes to reject this, simply because it has been hard enough up to now and I don't want worse ahead. Perhaps I won't have much choice in the matter as it doesn't feel I've had many options so far. I understand everyone's journey is unique but I also know we share a lot in common on this road as well. She isn't coming back. It feels like the solution is go and catch up to her - but I still have to take care of Mom here. Her family wants me to return to visit them as well. I think it has to wait until next year but I'm happy to go. There is a ceremony they have for placing the tombstone that I want to attend. It is a long journey there but I'm OK with that. It is not like I have a lot to do now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tuukka Posted October 31, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2020 It’s been 6 months for me. My husband of 25 years died unexpectedly. I find that it gets harder. I have so much guilt. I pray that he sends me signs that he’s ok, it doesn’t happen and I get mad. I feel so alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 31, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted October 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Tuukka said: It’s been 6 months for me. My husband of 25 years died unexpectedly. I find that it gets harder. I have so much guilt. I pray that he sends me signs that he’s ok, it doesn’t happen and I get mad. I feel so alone. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/supersurvivors/202006/three-ways-address-guilt-when-you-re-grieving Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Manowar369 Posted November 5, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2020 Yes i feel your pain .My wife went into a comma from copd. With me one day life support the next . Than i had to let her go .Waited for all the family to get there. The guilt is overwhelming even though we both agreed to do this for each other if there was no chance. And the anxiety is just unbearable i feel for you. Im seeing counseling now and also using alprazolam generic xanax to help get me through. Helps but feel like im in a fog every day from the loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted November 5, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2020 Six months next Friday. I can hardly believe I have been without my love for that long. I watched a video she did just maybe a week before she passed, she looked so good and healthy. I broke down. Today I had to listen to the happiness at work that people had for a colleague who was successful in buying a house. So hard to hear of people going about their lives while I am still grieving right next to them. Particularly galling for me is that this person is one who still has not said Sorry for your loss or even How are you?So came home and broke down again. I would very much like it if she just came for me in my sleep. End my pain. But the Universe would not do me that kindness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 5, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted November 5, 2020 Oh Yoli, I'm so sorry. My DIL has never said she was sorry for my loss when my mother, sister, dog, cat went. I have pain day and night from my hands and now my foot, and am having surgery on my right hand Monday...she wanted me to drive 2 1/2 hours away with my puppy to take care of the kids that week. Is she insane?! Reminded her my surgery is that week....no response. So I understand perfectly how you feel about callous people, to them, it's all about them. Just know that we care, and I wish I could wave a wand and stop your pain...stop all our pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted November 5, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2020 Kay, the more I hear about your DIL, the more I long to smack her upside the head--and I am not a violent person. You're right that for some people it's always all about them. No one else's needs ever matter. I do not understand how people can be that way. We are all here on this little planet, we are all human beings who need care and comfort. It boggles my mind that some simply do not care about others. We'll be thinking of you on Monday and sending all the prayer and comfort in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted November 6, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2020 Kay, Wishing you a very successful surgery on Monday. Will be praying for you and the surgeon. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted November 6, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted November 6, 2020 On 10/27/2020 at 2:21 PM, KayC said: There is some discussion about it here: https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/5042-the-6th-month-mark/ I've been on grief forums daily for over 15 years, read people's posts, and I've noticed that around six months, although it could bee more or less, is one of the hardest hitting times. What I've deducted from everyone's collective posts are that it takes a while for reality to hit because the shock wears off, we're tired of being without them, and it's just getting to us! Also, support dries up, everyone is back to their lives by now and we're left alone with ours and frankly, it sucks. You are not alone in what you are feeling. Exactly, couldn't have said it better myself. That initial time is a flurry of taking care of affairs and the shock etc, the dust hasn't settled yet. But when it does, that's when the reality of it really kicks in. I won't say it gets easy, but most likely, eventually and gradually, as impossible as it seems, it does get easiER. Hold on. Better days are ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 6, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted November 6, 2020 Thank you for the well wishes and prayers...I'm overwhelmed right now. Someone did a hit and run on my car and I'm not up to dealing with it, my bathroom's electrical outlet quit working, half the wood in my wood rack is too big so having to offload it with hands that are in extreme pain, getting ready for surgery, trying to prepare for being out of commission for a while, cooking, etc., and to top it off my sister wants to plan a get together at the coast (she went ahead and made reservations) and I can't afford it and can't physically do it as it involves me taking my disabled sister, her walker takes up the whole trunk and no room for food/clothes, I may not be able to handle her walker at that time and I need to have surgery on my other hand around that time. She also failed to consider Peggy needs bars on the bed and bars by the toilet as well as a riser or she can't get up and she weighs twice as much as I do. People don't get the pain I'm in and I just can't deal with any more...I'm just overwhelmed right now and on overload. I'll be glad when the next week is behind me. Oh, and as if all this isn't enough, snow is coming all week beginning with the day I have to travel for COVID testing. All this time I'm wondering where George is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted November 6, 2020 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2020 Wishing you all the best Kay. Why does it seem like the assholes of the world get rewarded and the good people get punished??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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