today is our anniversary

[jzrose]

Its hasnt even been a month since she passed away and today is our anniversary. I don't feel any emotions. just numb. Anyone else go through this?

[Yoli]

jzrose

Our anniversary was 6 weeks after my partner passed. I think at that stage I was still quite numb and in disbelief of the reality. I went out with friends but still felt as if the earth was moving beneath my feet.

[Gail 8588]

Numb is an accurate description of how I felt much of the first year. 

Gail

[Diane R. E.]

I was just going to make a post asking if anyone else ever feels numb. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my husband passed away, and the past few days I have been feeling numb. I worry that it is a self-preservation strategy and soon it will come crashing down on me. Our anniversary will be November 26 and it hadn't yet occurred to me how I will get through that day. Thank you all for your thoughts on how to spend that day.

[Gail 8588]

Diane, 

I am sorry to say that pretty much no matter what you do it will be a really hard day.  If you are alone it will be hard. If you are with friends or family it will be hard.

You just have to get through it as best you can. Hope your friends or family understand when you dissolve into a sobbing mess, or forgive you when your rage explodes over the holy unfairness of it all, or just leaves you be if you crawl in a closet and cling to his jacket until exhaustion overtakes you. Or you may move through the day as a zombie, showing no sign of emotion.

There is no advice I can give you other than choose the path that seems less terrible to you.  

Your mind does take action for self-presevation. That is not a bad thing.  

But for now, try not to worry about how you will get through an anniversary that is a month away. Just focus on today.  One day at a time is challenge enough. 

Gail

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I am sorry to say that pretty much no matter what you do it will be a really hard day.

I was about to write the same thing.  We all choose different ways to get through it but it's STILL not easy for me (15 years) and of course it's has been a very long time since anyone remembered, let alone cared.  I am alone for all these days.  If I told anyone how I felt, I'd get the "You haven't gotten over it yet!" look.

[foreverhis]

I wanted to say I'm so very sorry you have to have one of the worst triggers so soon after you lost your beloved.  My birthday was less than a month after and the people in our life did everything possible to make it less unbearable.  My sister-by-birth did something we hardly ever do in our family:  She had two bouquets delivered from our favorite local florist.  One for me in a traditional flowing style and favorite colors of lavender, purple, and rosy shades.  The other for my husband, whose birthday would have been 6 weeks later, in a wilder, natural, bold, yet balanced design in bright and rich colors and using native foliage, which he loved.  She said she did it that way because she couldn't bear to think of us as apart.  It was really thoughtful and loving--and it's the only thing I remember about the day.  The rest is a numb-blur.  I know I had more to drink than my usual one glass of wine or small home-made cocktail, but I didn't get drunk. But the numb feeling around my birthday and his started a few days before each.

Our anniversary was several months after that.  That day was actually the hardest, the one I dreaded the most, and I was truly numb that day.  I think it was because the year before we'd been together with him in the hospital again.  It was only a few weeks before he died, so it brought up all sorts of painful memories that my heart and mind could not handle.  I simply shut down as a way of coping.  I think it's pretty common for our brains to try to protect us when it seems as if we can't take one more bit of pain.