In-laws

[Jttalways]

I'll try to keep this short as possible. My husband spent the majority of the time in the hospital while he battled leukemia for 20 months. During that time his immediate family hardly saw him. I think they called and texted, but rarely physically visited. 1 brother & sister live 45 minutes away from us. His parents and 2 other sisters live out of the state/country. Some would say I cant really blame the family that live out of the state/country, however when they would come visit, they didnt spend as much time as possible with my husband. 1 sister that was visiting from out of the country, went on a 3 day camping trip with extended family upon arrival. My husband's parents visited on the 3rd day they came down, even though they drove past the hospital when they first arrived. So I have a lot of disdain towards my in-laws. I know no one owes anyone anything, however, I just cant stand to be around them. I do not want to keep my son from my husband's family so I always tell him he can call or visit them whenever he likes. But since my son knows how they were with my husband, he has little desire to see them also. This weekend was my husband's niece's birthday party so we went. As soon as we got there I wanted to leave. We stayed for 1 hour. I havent seen my in-laws since my husband's funeral, which was exactly 1 year to the day. They have invited us over here and there this year, but I used COVID as an excuse not to see them. When I saw them this saturday, I was surprised by the amount of anger I felt. Has anyone else experienced this?

[KayC]

Uh huh!  My husband's family...he was the second oldest of 11 kids, he used to disappear at dinnertime so his siblings would have more to eat.  His dad was horrible and his mom failed them too (having the kids spend time with their uncle who abused her sexually as a child),  who does that?!  His dad didn't bother attending his funeral, even though he had a ride and only lived two hours away.  He was in good health, no excuse.  A year after George died he called me badmouthing my husband!  I reminded him how George was always there for him and told him to call me when he had something nice to say.  He never did.  Of the siblings, only three showed up at his funeral although all but one lived within driving distance.  My husband was the most caring giving person I've ever met!  

Yeah, no excuse for some poor excuses of human beings.  I'm sorry this has been your experience as well.  

[Jttalways]

@KayC Wow, unbelieveable. I dont understand it. I have a good relationship with my family so I cant relate. Luckily my in-laws didn't give me too hard of a time about the funeral arrangements. At first they tried to involve themselves with the planning, but since I wasn't taking a dime from them for the expenses, I didn't give them much say. I let them plan the service program and they were happy with that. They wanted to give me a hard time about the cremation, but since it was my husband's wishes, they couldnt push the issue. I remember 1 of the siblings had made a comment about "no grave to visit" and I almost said "oh, you're planning on visiting his grave? Because you hardly saw him when he was alive."

 

[KayC]

I would have said it, but that's just me.  I really grew some moxie when George died, maybe because the person who had my back was gone so I became more outspoken.  What could happen?  The worst already had.

I have a good relationship with my family too.  His family was so abusive, dysfunctional, it was unreal.  I often wondered how someone so loving and caring came out of that?!