Having Trouble Going on Without My Mom

[Leigh]

I lost my mom 5 weeks ago and I feel as if each day has gotten harder. I feel like my level of functioning as a human being is decreasing everyday. I'm having trouble sleeping. I dread going to sleep because I start to think about things and get almost a creepy feeling. Then once I finally fall asleep and then wake up in the morning, it's so hard to start the day because it just feels like I'm doing the same day over and over. I miss her so much. She was my best friend, my person, and it's so hard to believe that I haven't talked to her in over a month. I'm in my second year of law school and it's so hard to focus. Luckily, classes are online so that helps. I just can't imagine this feeling ever going away. My mom's birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'm fearing that as well. I had an idea to get some people together and put messages in balloons and send them into the sky. (I saw this is on the show Dead to Me). Has anyone else celebrated their loved one's birthday after they passed? If so, I would love to hear some ideas. Basically, I'm looking for anything that would distract my mind that day.

 

[reader]

Dear Leigh,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences. Be kind and gentle with yourself. The grief I felt for my dad was the rawest I have ever been in my life. Keeping doing the best you can and taking it momnt by moment.

For your mom's birthday the idea with the balloons would be a great way to honor her. I know others have suggested reading their favorite book, seeing their favorite movie or eating their favorite foods. For myself, I have taken flowers and a coffee to my dad's grave site.  Lighting a candle and have a moment of silence. There is no right way or wrong way. I hope you find something that will give you a little comfort and peace.

Thinking of you.

[Leigh]

7 hours ago, reader said:

Dear Leigh,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences. Be kind and gentle with yourself. The grief I felt for my dad was the rawest I have ever been in my life. Keeping doing the best you can and taking it momnt by moment.

For your mom's birthday the idea with the balloons would be a great way to honor her. I know others have suggested reading their favorite book, seeing their favorite movie or eating their favorite foods. For myself, I have taken flowers and a coffee to my dad's grave site.  Lighting a candle and have a moment of silence. There is no right way or wrong way. I hope you find something that will give you a little comfort and peace.

Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss as well! Thank you so much for those ideas! I will definitely try one of them! 

[TiredofPretending]

Leigh,

I'm sorry for your loss, and I understand your pain. My mom passed on June 1st and I'm still trying to cope with it. I've turned to alcohol, tinder, and other vices and nothing helps. I recently set goals for myself with my therapist to achieve things step by step, and that has really motivated me to become more involved in the simple and mundane things about life. I've discovered that those things are the hardest for me to get through. Cleaning, cooking, and organizing sometimes seem like insurmountable tasks. 

As for remembering things, and rituals to honor your loved ones, I sort of have a few. For my mom, I keep a picture of her and me on my bathroom counter so I can see her smile when I wake up. For my brother, I try to wear old clothing that fits me or try to honor his memory by doing things that he did. On my brother's birthday, I try to remember to go up to his grave, and I suppose I will do the same once my mom's hits next spring! Me and my dad go up to the cemetery pretty often and eat lunch or just sit there. I think getting together with your friends and sending balloons could be therapeutic for you!!! If you're not afraid of someone finding it, maybe you could attach a small note with string on the balloon? It might be nice for you to get some words you wished you would have said off your chest. 

Keep your head up, we will get through this! It's honestly a matter of outlook. I've found if I make really positive goals when I'm happy, it allows me to maintain some hope when the grief hits hard. You'll never get used to the absence in your life, but you will learn to love it as part of yourself, and you can appreciate how it can make you a more empathetic and compassionate person. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out

[Leigh]

8 minutes ago, Rob N. said:

Leigh,

I'm sorry for your loss, and I understand your pain. My mom passed on June 1st and I'm still trying to cope with it. I've turned to alcohol, tinder, and other vices and nothing helps. I recently set goals for myself with my therapist to achieve things step by step, and that has really motivated me to become more involved in the simple and mundane things about life. I've discovered that those things are the hardest for me to get through. Cleaning, cooking, and organizing sometimes seem like insurmountable tasks. 

As for remembering things, and rituals to honor your loved ones, I sort of have a few. For my mom, I keep a picture of her and me on my bathroom counter so I can see her smile when I wake up. For my brother, I try to wear old clothing that fits me or try to honor his memory by doing things that he did. On my brother's birthday, I try to remember to go up to his grave, and I suppose I will do the same once my mom's hits next spring! Me and my dad go up to the cemetery pretty often and eat lunch or just sit there. I think getting together with your friends and sending balloons could be therapeutic for you!!! If you're not afraid of someone finding it, maybe you could attach a small note with string on the balloon? It might be nice for you to get some words you wished you would have said off your chest. 

Keep your head up, we will get through this! It's honestly a matter of outlook. I've found if I make really positive goals when I'm happy, it allows me to maintain some hope when the grief hits hard. You'll never get used to the absence in your life, but you will learn to love it as part of yourself, and you can appreciate how it can make you a more empathetic and compassionate person. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out

Thank you for your kind message. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Those sound like great ideas to memorialize your loved ones. I hope I can come to peace with this whole thing one day but right now it seems so impossible. Stay strong. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out as well!

[TiredofPretending]

1 hour ago, Leigh said:

Thank you for your kind message. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Those sound like great ideas to memorialize your loved ones. I hope I can come to peace with this whole thing one day but right now it seems so impossible. Stay strong. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out as well!

I hope I can come to peace too... it does seem impossible but I'm very glad I found this forum! I think writing about these things helps. You stay strong as well and thank you!