Susan

[SLO]

I lost my wife to a long battle with cancer on August 17th. She was only 52 years old and spent the better part of the last 7 years of her life in a fight against breast cancer. Her struggle is over and the suffering has ended for her. I love her and miss her and feel so empty and alone without her. I need to find purpose in my life again with out her. She was my main focus for so long. Taking care of her and trying to make her life as comfortable as possible. I don't have to take care of her she is in Gods grace and love

I still have a hard time believing she is gone. She declined so quickly this year and I couldn't see the signs as I was too close to her situation. She also tried to shield me to how the cancer had progressed. I can go over and over this and think I could have done something to keep her alive longer but I know it is futile. Her pain is gone and her fight is over. I just trust God has her and is giving his/her everlasting love and light to her being. 

It still does nothing for me. As I feel empty and so so very alone now. Its hard to focus, its hard to move about my life in any meaningful way. I am just going through the motions now it seems. Life is not familiar to me at this time.I don't recognize myself or the place we used to call home. Its so empty and lonely going home everyday. And without Sue it just isn't home anymore.

I can never forget her. All she gave me in sharing our lives together. I am so much a better man having been with Susan. She showed me love and showed me just how strong I could be. She brought me peace and calm to my life. For these things I am forever grateful. I want no need her memory to live on! She deserves to be kept alive in memories of all of us who loved and knew Susan. Her tenacity and thoughtfulness, her energy and wit, her smile and her laugh infectious as they are. The way she could dream up such wonderful wordplay and phrases. These are the things we can all hold in our heart when we think about Sue and what she gave us all in her short life.

I am humbled by the love and support which has surrounded me the past month after her passing. I am so thankful for being with her during her final time on this plane of reality. I hope I helped her transition from life to death to be as comfortable as possible. I will forever remember singing softly to her as I held her hand and coaxing her to embrace the light and love God has for her. I am filled with nothing but love for all people after this as I see the value and power of love everlasting! In the world we live in today its far too easy to forget to love and as trite as it sounds its still true the world needs more love!

[Gail 8588]

Slo,

I am so sorry for your loss. Susan sounds like a wonderful person.

The conflicting emotions of accepting that her pain is over, yet wishing she could still be here with you,  feeling lost, unconnected to the world and life. These and many more are normal in grief.  Rage, dispair, guilt, inability to feel anything, waves of sorrow and many more emotions may tumble through in the coming months.  

I hope you find some comfort here, reading the comments of others who are also on this unwelcome grief journey, trying to find a way to live without our soul mates. 

At this early time in your grief just try to get through each day. One day at a time.

Gail

[SLO]

Thank you for taking the time to read. Sue was a wonderful wife, fantastic mother and my best friend in the world. I am happy to have found this site and perhaps Susan was helping me find my way through this. I am taking it day by day as it is truly the only way to navigate through life right now.

Thank You!

Scott

[KayC]

Scott,

I am glad you have such warm tender memories of her, those are what truly keep us alive and warm our hearts.  I love how you speak of your Susan.