Anger

[hollomang]

I’m still so mad at the way things went. He worked so hard just to get on the transplant list. We got up early to go on walks. He managed his eating habits and limited his water intake. He got all his vaccines and dental work and ever other thousand test he had to get done beforehand. To me it feels like it was all for nothing. There was no guarantee. What hurts me most is although my dad was this big 6’4 intimidating looking man he was a big ole teddy bear and I was his support. He told me how scared he was going into it and I still think about that everyday. I wish all that I had told him to make him feel better was true that he was gonna be fine and everything would be okay. I remember the day he finally got on the transplant list we were so excited for him I got a tattoo that same day that says dedication because I felt like all our efforts were worth it. We got him ice cream and a card that said congrats you did it! He put it up on his nightstand. I wish it was more of a guarantee. I wish he never had problems to begin with because I hate the fact that he’s not here. My biggest fear has always been losing my parents and it is way worse than I could have ever imagined. I feel like a piece of me is gone ..

[cloudyday]

Hollomang, I too feel like a piece of me is gone. I lost my mother, my best friend in the world. She had brain cancer. Cancer never ran in my family. She was healthier than I am till the day she was diagnosed. We had thought she would probably outlive me. I was the one with health issues. Now she is gone. And, I too feel like I'm missing a part of myself. I feel so lost.