My sweet sweet Tyler

[LeslieL]

Hello my name is Leslie . Today marks the 3rd month of my son Tylers passing. I feel like I am living a nightmare and I cant wake up. It feels like yesterday when I got that call from my son Trae screaming into the phone "My brother is dead ! My brother is dead!" I work nights and had my phone on silent and for some reason I had slept maybe an hour or two and woke up to check my phone. There were serveral missed calls. I called Trae and that is how I found out my youngest son was dead. I had moved to Tn and had moved in with my fiance at the time and was working at a hospital outside of Nashville. Tyler was living with my parents going to college and working a side job.

Tyler and Trae lost their dad 4 yrs ago in April to a trucking accident.....Tyler was 15 he never recovered from his father's death...I literally had to push him to school to make him graduate.... he just didnt care. We talked about counseling and he was totally against it ... I should have pushed harder. Tyler started hanging around with the wrong crowd after he graduated high school. We talked on the phone often but was always, going here going there. He moved to Nashville for a week and hated it and I wanted him to be happy so I let him move back to Ky with my parents. He started into the community college and thought he was doing ok... At Thanksgiving everyone came to Nashville...It had been two months since I had seen him he had grown taller 6'3 but the weight he had lost and circles around his eyes.... I told him that I wasnt stupid and that the weightloss wasnt from growing 2 inches. We had a discussion about drugs but he denied everything. Christmas he looked the same but was just quiet. February and March Tyler was getting into alot of arguments with my dad , he was staying out late and coming in with glazed eyes. He then stole truck batteries from his uncle I told him to prosecute .... Tyler needed help some tough love .. everyone felt sorry for Tyler for losing his father at such a crucial age including myself . Then he stole checks from my parents and made them out to himself and cashed them. My dad woudldnt do anything about it because he didnt want Tyler to have a record. I sat with Tyler and cried after that and said he needed help that he was either going to end up in jail or dead.. I didnt know it was going to be so soon after that talk that that would happen. Exactly two weeks before his death we had that talk. I asked him to go into rehab that he obviously had a problem he could take care of himself . He yelled and went on that he did not have a problem. April 23 2011 Tyler was found dead in an apartment with his so called friends . They said he was totally out of it the night before and they carried him upstairs and placed him on a pallet and covered him up and the next morning he didnt come downstairs so someone went to check on him and found him dead. The toxicology report came back a few weeks ago Tyler had a toxic amount of xanax, hydrocodone and oxy contin in his bloodstream. I am still numb.... I cant believe he is gone. My sweet little boy that always took up for the under dog... that would give his shirt off his back for someone in need, .. I let Tyler down as a mother.. I should have insisted on counseling and rehab but you see I feel like we were all in denial. I didnt want to believe my son had a drug problem ... how could that happen he was raised up in church as a child ... we had talk after talk about drugs.... you see I am an RN ... I know firsthand what the effect of drugs do on someone .. and I would come home and tell them stories of these patients how the drugs they abused destroyed their minds and bodies and now are like vegetables. He and his brother seemed to listen. Tyler thought he was infallible.

I have read several stories on here and can relate to so many. I literally have to make myself get up every morning and go through the motions of the day. This week for some reason it has really hit me that Tyler isnt coming back.... he is not just up the road at a friends house or at his girlfriends ... he is never coming back.. I cried and cried all day yesterday and didnt get out of bed . I miss him so much. When they brought him back after the autopsy I had to see him , the funeral director was a friend of mind and didnt want me to but I insisted. A good friend of mine Carrie went with me to the funeral home .... my sweet Tyler looked like he was sleeping ... I touched his face hair hands .......... I just wanted to pick him up and hold him..... I am supposed to start in this grief share group.... starts the first of Sept. I know Tyler is safe now , he cant hurt anymore and no one can hurt him. I know he is in a better place. I know that God has a plan for us all but you know all this I know but it doesnt erase the emtiness I feel for my child. He would have been 19 on May 14 of this year. I have tried to hold it together ... people dont know how to act around you or what to say. I keep hearing time heals but right now I feel like its worse. Its so hard to carry on so very hard. I have moved back to Ky , broke off the engagement. I am living today because of my other son Trae. He keeps me going . Reality has set in now and I know I cant do it on my own. I have kept everything in because I dont want to upset anyone. I am so glad I found this site . I hate that other parents are dealing with the deaths of their children but to have a place to come and vent helps. May God bless each and everyone and my prayers go out to eveyone here. Thank you for letting me vent.

Leslie

[shellyku]

Dear LeslieL - I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear sweet Tyler. So glad though

that you found this website. My name is Shelly and my daughter Sarah, age 29, died

last August 18, 2010 from leukemia. It doesn't make a difference, I believe, whether

our children pass from an accident, an overdose, a disease...it is all the same: the

loss of our precious children. May I encourage you to post on the "Loss of an Adult

Child" thread of this website. There are so many people there who know of the loss

of a child and are extremely helpful and comforting. You can tell us all about your son

as you feel able and we will listen and try to help. My prayers to you and your son.

[hotrod]

Hi Leslie

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious child Tyler. I lost my only son Stephen, in a similar manner 4 years ago. It is a dificult painful road that we travel and you are not alone.

Please come herer often, tell us about Tyler and all the sweet memories you hold of Tyler. Post his pictutres in the gallery and continue to read It helps

[ModKonnie]

Hello my name is Leslie . Today marks the 3rd month of my son Tylers passing. I feel like I am living a nightmare and I cant wake up. It feels like yesterday when I got that call from my son Trae screaming into the phone "My brother is dead ! My brother is dead!" I work nights and had my phone on silent and for some reason I had slept maybe an hour or two and woke up to check my phone. There were serveral missed calls. I called Trae and that is how I found out my youngest son was dead. I had moved to Tn and had moved in with my fiance at the time and was working at a hospital outside of Nashville. Tyler was living with my parents going to college and working a side job.

Tyler and Trae lost their dad 4 yrs ago in April to a trucking accident.....Tyler was 15 he never recovered from his father's death...I literally had to push him to school to make him graduate.... he just didnt care. We talked about counseling and he was totally against it ... I should have pushed harder. Tyler started hanging around with the wrong crowd after he graduated high school. We talked on the phone often but was always, going here going there. He moved to Nashville for a week and hated it and I wanted him to be happy so I let him move back to Ky with my parents. He started into the community college and thought he was doing ok... At Thanksgiving everyone came to Nashville...It had been two months since I had seen him he had grown taller 6'3 but the weight he had lost and circles around his eyes.... I told him that I wasnt stupid and that the weightloss wasnt from growing 2 inches. We had a discussion about drugs but he denied everything. Christmas he looked the same but was just quiet. February and March Tyler was getting into alot of arguments with my dad , he was staying out late and coming in with glazed eyes. He then stole truck batteries from his uncle I told him to prosecute .... Tyler needed help some tough love .. everyone felt sorry for Tyler for losing his father at such a crucial age including myself . Then he stole checks from my parents and made them out to himself and cashed them. My dad woudldnt do anything about it because he didnt want Tyler to have a record. I sat with Tyler and cried after that and said he needed help that he was either going to end up in jail or dead.. I didnt know it was going to be so soon after that talk that that would happen. Exactly two weeks before his death we had that talk. I asked him to go into rehab that he obviously had a problem he could take care of himself . He yelled and went on that he did not have a problem. April 23 2011 Tyler was found dead in an apartment with his so called friends . They said he was totally out of it the night before and they carried him upstairs and placed him on a pallet and covered him up and the next morning he didnt come downstairs so someone went to check on him and found him dead. The toxicology report came back a few weeks ago Tyler had a toxic amount of xanax, hydrocodone and oxy contin in his bloodstream. I am still numb.... I cant believe he is gone. My sweet little boy that always took up for the under dog... that would give his shirt off his back for someone in need, .. I let Tyler down as a mother.. I should have insisted on counseling and rehab but you see I feel like we were all in denial. I didnt want to believe my son had a drug problem ... how could that happen he was raised up in church as a child ... we had talk after talk about drugs.... you see I am an RN ... I know firsthand what the effect of drugs do on someone .. and I would come home and tell them stories of these patients how the drugs they abused destroyed their minds and bodies and now are like vegetables. He and his brother seemed to listen. Tyler thought he was infallible.

I have read several stories on here and can relate to so many. I literally have to make myself get up every morning and go through the motions of the day. This week for some reason it has really hit me that Tyler isnt coming back.... he is not just up the road at a friends house or at his girlfriends ... he is never coming back.. I cried and cried all day yesterday and didnt get out of bed . I miss him so much. When they brought him back after the autopsy I had to see him , the funeral director was a friend of mind and didnt want me to but I insisted. A good friend of mine Carrie went with me to the funeral home .... my sweet Tyler looked like he was sleeping ... I touched his face hair hands .......... I just wanted to pick him up and hold him..... I am supposed to start in this grief share group.... starts the first of Sept. I know Tyler is safe now , he cant hurt anymore and no one can hurt him. I know he is in a better place. I know that God has a plan for us all but you know all this I know but it doesnt erase the emtiness I feel for my child. He would have been 19 on May 14 of this year. I have tried to hold it together ... people dont know how to act around you or what to say. I keep hearing time heals but right now I feel like its worse. Its so hard to carry on so very hard. I have moved back to Ky , broke off the engagement. I am living today because of my other son Trae. He keeps me going . Reality has set in now and I know I cant do it on my own. I have kept everything in because I dont want to upset anyone. I am so glad I found this site . I hate that other parents are dealing with the deaths of their children but to have a place to come and vent helps. May God bless each and everyone and my prayers go out to eveyone here. Thank you for letting me vent.

Leslie

Leslie,

I am so sorry about the loss of your Tyler. I am glad you are starting a grief group. It will help you. And while Tyler was a good person from a good home and family background, unfortunately, drug addiction and abuse do not have socio-economic or religious boundaries.

How is Trae handling all of this? Is he going to go to the grief group with you? What about your parents? There are many people here who will be able to help you. Please come as often as you like. We will listen to you, and we will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[shorty16]

Leslie

My son's drug was adrenaline, Brian was a risk taker and died on 6-19-2008 while car-surfing. He died at 16 and would have been 20 on July 12, 2011.

Yes, this journey is a nightmare in the beginning, but knowing how others have dealt with the grief and talking with my friends on this site has saved my life.

I post on Loss of an Adult Child thread. Even though Brian was not an adult, I am accepted without question and you will too.

Be kind to yourself, your mind and body are devasted and just breathing is painful, but we can survive this. We can live again. We are all living proof of that.

Tell us about Tyler, we will say his name loud and clear here.

Come join us on the Loss of Adult Child thread. We will hug you and help you on this journey.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[LeslieL]

Colleen,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and making me feel accepted. I went to Tylers grave today by myself. This was the first time I had been there and no one went with me. I sat and cried and cried. I miss him so much. I know I have a rough road ahead of me. I feel like my heart and brain are in a battle right now. I know Tyler would have never done what he did if he knew the pain and suffering caused from his death. He had such a giving heart everyone liked him. He was so specilal to my dad . My dads eyes well up tears when he talks about when Tyler was small and Tyler wanted him to do something and my dad said why should I do that for you Tyler and Tyler put his hands on each side of my dads face and said "Because I wuv you thats why" From that point on Tyler had my dads heart.. There is just an emptiness here without Tyler. I am so sorry about your son Brien . He was a beautiful boy so handsome. You can tell in that picture he was full of life. Do you ever feel like the world is going on and you arent? I dont think I wil ever feel normal again. Once again thank you for writng to me.

Leslie

My son's drug was adrenaline, Brian was a risk taker and died on 6-19-2008 while car-surfing. He died at 16 and would have been 20 on July 12, 2011.

Yes, this journey is a nightmare in the beginning, but knowing how others have dealt with the grief and talking with my friends on this site has saved my life.

I post on Loss of an Adult Child thread. Even though Brian was not an adult, I am accepted without question and you will too.

Be kind to yourself, your mind and body are devasted and just breathing is painful, but we can survive this. We can live again. We are all living proof of that.

Tell us about Tyler, we will say his name loud and clear here.

Come join us on the Loss of Adult Child thread. We will hug you and help you on this journey.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[LeslieL]

ModKonnie,

Thank you for responding and I appreciate your sincerity. You have asked about my other son Trae. Trae is 21 and stationed at Dyess Air Force Base in Abilene, Texas. He is doing ok because he is so busy there. Trae never broke down when his father was killed .... he did when it came to Tyler. One night we were on the phone after he had gone back to Texas after the funeral and he cried and cried on the phone to me. He told me he wished that him and Tyler had been closer . I told him Tyler knew you loved him. Trae was supposed to be deployed to Japan in September for 2 yrs. Trae asked for a denial ... he had to give a reason and he told them about his brothers death and that he didnt want to be that far from me and he was not extending his contract after his 4 years are up. He plans to come home and attend college and then go back in Air Force or Army. My parents are doing so so my mom is in early stages of dementia but she sure misses Tyler . She sits outside and cries alot of evenings ... she would always be outside waiting on him when he got home from college or work. My poor dad keeps it bottled in mom says he doesnt want me to see him cry because he is trying to be strong for me. I am so glad this site exists.....I really have felt so alone. I have alot of friends and family but sometimes I just cant talk to them. Thanks again.

Leslie

I am so sorry about the loss of your Tyler. I am glad you are starting a grief group. It will help you. And while Tyler was a good person from a good home and family background, unfortunately, drug addiction and abuse do not have socio-economic or religious boundaries.

How is Trae handling all of this? Is he going to go to the grief group with you? What about your parents? There are many people here who will be able to help you. Please come as often as you like. We will listen to you, and we will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[LeslieL]

Betty,

I appreciate that you took the time to reply. I dont feel so alone in this painful journey I am going down. Does the coping get any easier with time? Right now it is so very hard.

Leslie

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious child Tyler. I lost my only son Stephen, in a similar manner 4 years ago. It is a dificult painful road that we travel and you are not alone.

Please come herer often, tell us about Tyler and all the sweet memories you hold of Tyler. Post his pictutres in the gallery and continue to read It helps

[westleysmom]

Leslie-I'm so sorry for the loss of your Tyler. My son Westley died 6 days before what would have been his 21st birthday last January 13. He passed away in a similar way to Tyler. I talked to him that night, and he seemed fine and said he would be home in an hour or so. We went to bed and woke the next morning to my cellphone ringing in the den. He had gone to sleep on a friend's couch and she couldn't wake him up. The tox report said he had about 2 beers, but also some oxycodone. He also had sleep apnea and was supposed to sleep with a cpap machine. I don't think he was using all the time, but took some kind of prescription painkiller and the combination suppressed his breathing. When I called my best friend who lives in Smithville TN to tell her what had happened, she burst into tears and said her 19 year old son Andrew had passed at a new year's eve party 2 weeks earlier (Jan 1, 2010) in the exact same way, although he had different drugs in his system along with alcohol. Our boys knew better that to mix drugs and alcohol, but they like Tyler thought they were bulletproof. We are heartbroken as you well know. I just wanted to tell you that I found this site last summer and it has saved my sanity (some people would beg to differ, but I think I'm fairly sane) I post on Loss of Adult Child mostly too, and the group there is so loving and giving to each other. We all understand and that first year is horrible (at least for me it was) I went from denial to depression and back so many times. I hope you will find comfort here and I know you will find acceptance. The second year is shaping up to be hard as well, but I talked to my friend Saturday, and we agreed that while it is still hard, we wouldn't go back to last year for anything. We can't go back anyway, and the only way forward is forward, even if its a little at the time, and we have setbacks. Hugs to you dear Leslie.