Struggles with apathy

[BBB]

I have great and tremendous struggles with apathy. Don't care about much of anything? anyone have his bad like I do and what do you try to do in order to knock yourself out of this? I literally don't give a **** about anything

[Perro J]

There are things in the house here that belonged to her. Because they belonged to her they remain sacred in a sense. At the same time, there are a few things that were also part of our dream. Without her, that dream is no longer possible and in that sense those things have lost their meaning. That ESL book isn't going to be used to help her pass the TOEFL test, it isn't going to help our communication reach new depths. It is just a book now. In that sense I no longer care about it. It is only important to me because it was hers. That is partly how I would describe my apathy. The rest of it is simply "What is/was the point of all of this?"

I don't think I have made it go away - but I find I can do somethings to distract myself from the feeling. Learning some new scales on the guitar. Going for a jog. Nothing too challenging because it can be easy to get frustrated, but not so easy that it doesn't require a little bit of mental engagement. It's not a miracle cure but it is the best I have got to offer at this stage. Hope it helps a little.

[Yoli]

Sorry I wish I had some pearls of wisdom but I don't. I find myself in the same position. I try listening to stuff on YouTube to distract me, it is good in the moment. I am going for a walk with a friend this afternoon but I know I will be totally distracted instead of enjoying the brilliant sunshine we have today.

[Perro J]

42 minutes ago, Yoli said:

I try listening to stuff on YouTube

Norah Jones is doing some home mini-concerts on YouTube and I find her voice soothing but some songs will hit you hard. Overall I like listening to them. They seem to help.

[BBB]

Gotta tell ya, this really sucks hard

[Nmark]

Yes it does really suck! I don’t care about much either. Especially my well-being. Why do I need to be healthy, look good, etc.? I let everyone annoy me. I wanted to get out of my car and punch a lady in a drive thru the other day and I’m normally the most patient person ever. But, I push myself through each day mainly for my kids. I want them to believe that I’ll be okay although it feels like I never will be. 

[KayC]

This is part of the grief process, it's normal to feel this way at this point and/or to struggle with this the rest of your life even!  It helps to have some incentive to keep going, such as children or pets.  I try to give myself things to look forward to but during this pandemic, that has been a challenge I have not been able to meet. 

 

[Lars M]

For me the only way to get out of this stinking thinking is try and do something nice for someone it can be something small like help an older person with their groceries at the store or take their cart back to the cart corral  you just have to get yourself out of your own head that's a bad place to be if you are like me. Go luck this is way easier to say than to do.

[Yoli]

I don't care for much either right now. Cooking for one, no thanks. Being told to move her things, hell no thanks. Move some stuff around - why? Trying to fill my days and weekends but they are just temporary distractions to this crap reality.

This forum lets me know that I am not alone in my suffering. Even though the burden feels and is emmense personally. Everyone here has also lost their person, the love of their life.

[KayC]

It has been helpful for me to learn to value myself.  Before, I cooked to please George (he was easy to please and always so appreciative!).  In the beginning I did not care if I lived or died and my eating showed it...first losing weight, then gaining it.  Stuffing my emotions.  This year I have worked hard on bettering my health, lost the excess weight, am trying to get off my diabetes medications.  I've always walked, twice a day, with whatever dog/s I had.  It's all part of valuing myself.  Today I'm making a Keto Lasagna (zucchini instead of pasta)...doing those things for myself helps instead of just grabbing whatever.  It helps to know I am valuable, in and of my own self!  George valued me, greatly, I needed to recognize that for myself as well.  But how many years it's taken to get here!

We're going to live out our lives, the question is, how do we want to live it?  Do we want to make it as optimally as possible or not care if we're bedridden, alone, and suffering?  I fear the latter, esp. having no one here to care or help me.

[Yoli]

Oh Kay, I hope none of us end up alone and bedridden. Personally I don't believe I could ever love another like my partner. I live in hopes that family and good friends would look out for me. And I wish the same for you.

[KayC]

My kids work all of the time and my DIL is, let's say, less than kind.  They do not have a spare bedroom so nowhere to put me even temporarily.  My daughter lives in an apt. so no room also.  No one will locate here as they need to be where the jobs are.  Nope, no one to rely on as I've discovered with these hand issues.

[Yoli]

I am so sorry that things are like that for you. When retirement age hits (16 years) I might just book myself into a retirement village and then people have to look after me.

[widower2]

On 8/22/2020 at 1:15 AM, Nmark said:

Why do I need to be healthy, look good, etc.? 

 

Quote

for my kids. 

Answered your own question

Can totally relate to not giving a flip though. My main incentive for trying to be healthy is that I've seen way too much of hospitals and our so-called medical profession in this country and it disgusts me in the extreme, and it's the very last place I ever want to be...going to a hospital now for any reason to me is like the equivalent of asking a 4-yr old to go into a haunted house alone. My stomach is in a knot the entire time.