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Year 3 going on 4.


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24 April 2017 is a day that I still remember like it was yesterday and the months following after of me just crying everyday until maybe a little after the first year, when I started to get better slowly. And yet, for some reason, I suddenly have resurfaced this month and have been thinking about my S/O. Months following in June 2017 I did end up meeting someone and I think that person (we still talk daily today but no longer in a relationship) was someone that I might have, kind of, counted on to fulfill my emptiness and grief. But lately I have been talking to new people who just aren't people I can see a future with and while it has nothing to do with them, I just don't see them being that perfect person to me and I think a lot of it has to do with how I live in a small town and so not many people here and two (which is something that I really should not do) I keep comparing them to my first. I mean even the little things can't be replaced and I can't even look at pictures or anything without getting the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes again. Nobody really even comes close to my late S/O. And while I shouldn't compare, it is making me feel like I'll never find someone as special again. I don't know why this has suddenly happened again.

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Hi, I don't recall your username but it says you have 54 posts so you had to have been here!  

I live in the country and can relate to the pickings being slim here.  George and I met through a letter I wrote to the editor, back in the 90s, we corresponded and finally met up...so you never know when/how something can start!  I lost him 15 years ago, and feel as you do, there's no one like him.  Even my sister said last night, you'll never find anyone again like George.  I know that.

That said, it doesn't mean you need to "settle."  I don't know if you've read the other active thread we have going on finding someone again...many different schools of thought, but if you truly want someone in your life, it can happen.  Maybe when you least expect it!

I'm not trying to relate loss of a dog to loss of a spouse, but I have found some similarity in this:

My soulmate in a dog, that is the perfect dog for me, my companion and best friend for 10 1/2 years, was Arlie.  He was the smartest, funniest, goofiest, most beautiful dog in the world!  He was very advanced in communication, and had a very developed sense of humor!  He'd make up games to play with me, and we had so much fun together.  He also was very intuitive and would show love to me just when I most needed it.  He had acute chronic colitis so I cooked for him.  June 7, 2019 I found out he had inoperable cancer and his liver shut down.  Thus began our journey towards his death.  I lost him Aug. 16, 2019.

My son brought me a Klee Kai puppy Dec. 10...he was conceived when Arlie died and born on my birthday.  Arlie had gotten up to 140 lbs (I always loved big dogs) was Husky/Golden Retriever, my gentle giant...whereas this little puppy was 4 1/2 lbs, and was expected to only reach 20.  The name Kodie popped into my head when I first saw his picture...when my son brought him to me, he threw down the paperwork, collar and tag on the table...the paperwork said Kobie, but the tag read Kodie...he apologized for typing it in wrong.  No, he got it right!  This little dog is nothing like Arlie, I didn't know what to do with such a little dog, I was used to a giant one!  I hadn't been looking for a puppy, but this little one quickly took up my time...and my house.  

Then came the pandemic, if not for Kodie, I don't know how I would have made it through it.  He gave me the will to live as I had to survive to take care of him!  He took up my time and gave me a schedule.  He was company.  He doesn't do Arlie's Husky talk, he doesn't have his sense of humor.  BUT he is very affectionate, sweet, adorable and loving!  This wriggly little puppy cared not that I compared him to Arlie, him on the losing end.  He was not daunted by that.  He persisted, worming his way into my heart.  

I love and miss Arlie each and every day of my life, just as I do my husband, George.  Grief is forever, so is the love.  But something happened I had not anticipated...I could not imagine my life without Kodie in it!  I'm terrified of anything happening to him.  I care about him more than I ever could have imagined.  And I wish so much that him and Arlie could have known each other, they would have loved each other.  Did Arlie have a hand in this?  IDK.  I only know it was kind of amazing and nothing short of a miracle to me.

What I am trying to say, in all of this, is we never know what the future will hold.  We cannot foresee what might be in store.  Sometimes there are good surprises.  My hope is that there is delight in store for you!  Remaining hopeful can't hurt...

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