Sadness and Guilt

[Michele1130]

My son, Eric, 23, died of cancer on April 10. I'm often overwhelmed with grief but also guilt that we weren't able to give him a happier life. He was a difficult child, adopted at 2 after being physically abused. He was impulsive, with severe ADHD, arrested twice, used drugs, etc. He didn't go to the hospital until his testicular cancer was stage 4. He had been living in another state and had no insurance. We flew there many times to be with him and eventually he came to Florida, where he lived with us on and off and we got him more medical treatment. He went through unbelievable chemo, surgery, a month at a time in the hospital. Eventually he moved out west to be with a girlfriend, where he said he was happy. That is the only comfort we've had. I just keep thinking, what did we do wrong, why couldn't we help him get his life together? 

[urwah]

Death is an inevitable part of life.it is the normal cycle of nature and of all human beings. everything and everyone lives and dies. Still no one has ever thought of our oved ones die or leaving us. But we need to accept this reality. life is at times so cruel but we cannot do any thing. we are mercilessly left to face such adversaries. So try to cherish every moment of your life. There is emotional and spirituality when it comes to inevitability of death of our loved ones. we feel sad, anxious and guilt too.

Pope Francis has spoken about this very instinct. He said: “If it is understood as the end of everything, death frightens us, it terrifies us, it becomes a threat that shatters every dream, every promise, it severs every relationship and interrupts every journey.” Yet he added: “If we look at the most painful moments of our lives, when we have lost a loved one — our parents, a brother, a sister, a spouse, a child, a friend. We realize that even amid the tragedy of loss, even when torn by separation, the conviction arises in the heart that everything cannot be over, that the good given and received has not been pointless. There is a powerful instinct within us which tells us that our lives do not end with death.”

 

[Maria_PI]

My son, Eric, 23, died of cancer on April 10. I'm often overwhelmed with grief but also guilt that we weren't able to give him a happier life. He was a difficult child, adopted at 2 after being physically abused. He was impulsive, with severe ADHD, arrested twice, used drugs, etc. He didn't go to the hospital until his testicular cancer was stage 4. He had been living in another state and had no insurance. We flew there many times to be with him and eventually he came to Florida, where he lived with us on and off and we got him more medical treatment. He went through unbelievable chemo, surgery, a month at a time in the hospital. Eventually he moved out west to be with a girlfriend, where he said he was happy. That is the only comfort we've had. I just keep thinking, what did we do wrong, why couldn't we help him get his life together? 

I am so sorry for your loss! I just want to say that I think it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty. I am sure you have done everything in your power to help your son to be happy. Some things in life just can’t be helped or averted. I recently discovered Dr Gabor Mate, please look him up and see what he has to say about the early childhood stress (the first year or two in a child’s life) and how it can lead to ADHD and all kinds of health issues. It won’t help with the sadness, but it may help to alleviate the guilt. (((Hugs)))


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[Michele1130]

Thank you so much. I will look up Dr. Mate. And thank you for your compassion. Everyone says, "At least he's not in pain," and that's true. But we know our child deserved more. Take care.