Grandma and Best Friend died within a week of each other

[Finding my way]

Well in April after a brief illness I lost my grandma. As I was trying to wrap my mind around this my best friend dies of a stroke 1 week later. I have not been able to grieve and I don't know how to figure this out...... The stress of settling the estate has been a crazy mess. We had my grandma cremated and per her request we ( my brother's and I decided it would be best with all the Covid and most attendees being over the age of 75 it would be best to wait till the anniversary of her death to do a funeral and dinner so we can involve her church like she asked. Her church is doing no services or funerals until this gets some better. Here I have not been able to do any grieving and I'm just holding it together by a thread and I get a message from a cousin about what a horrible selfish bad name I'm being and how since he doesn't believe in God I should just have it in case someone dies before then and can't say their goodbyes? I didn't reply. So his wife phones me with the same complaints. I told her we made the decision together based on grandma's wishes and the facts that a funeral right now like we want comes with way to many risks. And if someone was to pass away before then that they would get to see her again and wouldn't need to say goodbye.

The response wasn't pretty. I feel like there is so much on my plate right now . I'm always overwhelmed and normally that's not me. Every little thing gets to me,any sort of stress has me ready to cry at a moment's notice.

My Best friend died after being stubborn and deciding she didn't need to go to the doctor . Even though she couldn't walk 2 ft without being out of breath. I talked to this woman everyday most days 2-3 x's a day. We had similar lives and got along like sisters . 

I don't know why I can't get this out in the open and deal with it.