7 weeks

[wlrclw]

It's been just seven weeks since I lost my 83 year old mother.  She had fallen on a Wednesday afternoon and broke her upper left arm.  I live about 3 hours from her and left the next day to assist with her getting to an ortho doctor and adjust to living with a broken left arm.  On Friday afternoon after the doctor visit and a couple of hours in the car she was in severe abdominal pain.  I took her to the ER only to find out that the only answer was surgery which she did not want and would not have tolerated.  My sister is a doctor and she arrived at the ER as soon as possible.  We all knew at the end of the evening mom was being admitted to the hospital for comfort care.  That was Friday night.  She was so calm.  By midnight Sunday night in to Monday morning she took her last breath.  I got to be with her the entire time.   

I am crying daily.  Not sleeping.  And just missing her so much.  She was so much a part of my life even though we lived 3 hours apart.  I talked to her every day at least once a day if not more.  My heart just aches sometimes. 

I feel alone and adrift right now.  

 

[Zoie]

I am not someone who is good with words so I hesitate to write anything but your post reached out to me. I lost my mother just over two weeks ago.  She fell, went into the hospital on a Monday and passed away on Friday morning. It all happened so fast.  I miss her so much and everything just overwhelms me.

Sending you hugs and prayers in this time of loneliness and loss.

[Kevin8988]

To both wlrclw and Zoie,

I am sure your moms appreciated all the effort and care you gave them on their final days and final hours.

Please take care of yourself now.

[var]

my mom at 84 and sharp had a stroke 5 hours after we had a good phone call on Friday nite and she died 3 nights later. 5 weeks ago. she was my best friend. I have so may tears just waiting to come out every minute. she meant the world to me. I just feel so horrible most days now 

[wlrclw]

My mom was my best friend too.  We talked everyday at least once if not twice.  She lived 3 hours away in a retirement community.  Because of COVID I did not see her from January to June 9.  I drove there to sit outside with her for 3 hours then back home.  This was 13 days before she fell.  I’m so glad we had such a great face to face visit.  
 

Every day I think of something to tell her.  It’s so hard because I get great support from hugs and that is not possible.  
 

She’d your tears.  It helps.  Hugs from Texas.  I care. 

[Jeni]

I know how you feel. I feel the same way. We were very much attached to eachother. More than just best friends. It's a bond that couldnt be broken.  

My mother died 6 weeks and 1 day ago at the age of 64. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2018. The cancer metastasis in Feb 2020. She had a 3.8 cm mass in her brain and opted for radiation. On April 22 was rushed to ER we were not able to see or talk to her until May 9th. She was taken to rehab on May 13th then we couldnt see her again for a week. At times it was like she was getting better then I had to move her again on jun 1st to a nursing home where she declined. We decided to bring her home on jun 16th, there was a glimmer of hope when her wanted to see about surgery, the next day the neurologist said it was to risky that she could die. I decided it was in her best interest to stay home and not be poked and prodded anymore. She died on Jun 30th and spent 3 weeks at home. I am grateful to have been there for her. I more than miss her. 

[wlrclw]

I can't imagine the pain of not being able to be with her during the time she was in assisted living and nursing home.  I'm very glad you took her home.  Unfortunately, it doesn't make the missing any easier.  Tuesday for the first time in over 7 weeks I actually had a good day and didn't cry.  I got out, social distanced and was around people at the grocery store.  Employees that I know since I have been shopping there for 19 years.  It helped a lot.  This chatroom, knowing there are other people who get what I'm going through has helped so much.  Even though I have not posted much, I feel more connected.  

I still have several boxes of moms things to go through.  Bills I am waiting on to be paid.  It feels like everyday something might set me off.  I understand more than missing.  Everyday about this time I used to call her to chat about her night and what she had planned for the day.  I just want to share with her.  I've been dreaming about her when I do sleep which is very difficult. 

I am reading a book about losing your mom, and the author emphases the importance of interaction with other people.  I believe this so much.  Even if they aren't in the same place they can be a support as we travel this journey.  All the firsts really hurt.  I month and 6 days after mom died, I celebrated my 60th birthday and 16th anniversary.  When there were no cards from her, I was empty.  It is going to be a whole year of firsts.  

As I told Zoie, shed your tears she deserves it.  I will continue to shed mine I know.  

I am so glad I found this group.  Love will get us through the rough patches, and I now believe there will be plenty.  I wish I had understood this when my sister-in-law last her mom in January and my friend lost hers a year ago.  I would have stepped up more. 

Hugs and thoughts from Texas!

 

 

[Jeni]

Having her home being able to be with her was an experience I couldnt explaine. I am happy to hear you had a good day. May you continue to have more of them. My problem is this feeling of emptiness. The tears just come and go. When I'm not crying whe heart wrenching pain dosent stop. Working is hard because we would talk everyday at work. I keep telling myself I gotta get over this fast, because I dont want to hurt anymore. I keep questioning my faith and the after life. Right when I do, as I am going through all her things that I took to my house, I pick something up that has some type of message on it. Today I kept asking do I need to go and get professional help for this because I've never felt this way in my 38 years on this earth. Anyways, she had a fortune from a fortune cookie (she loved Chinese). It says "take the honorable path and you cannot go wrong". Then I came across "truly rely on god". On the bottom of of a trinket. In little ways it's like shes still speaking to me. I am grateful to feel that comfort.

I havent gone out much the way I feel anything could trigger me into a crying episode. Ive been to the store maybe one time.  I actually smiled yesterday. 

I am glad I stumbled upon this website. Love dose concur all. We never know how or what someone is going through or how the best way to approach it at the time until our experience come. All we can do is our best at what we only know.

Sending positive vibes from ohio.

[Kevin8988]

It is very difficult and emotional to go through the personal belongings of the love ones who just passed.  My dad passed one year ago, I have not gone through his stuff yet.  I just dust and vacuum his room occasionally, even doing this is very saddening. 

[wlrclw]

Jeni, 

I'm glad you smiled yesterday.  And so glad you are finding little things that make you feel close to your mom.  I understand the emptiness.  I feel like there is a hole in my heart that nothing else can fill.  I actually talked to my doctor who suggested a support group online.  I deal with anxiety and have not been sleeping.  He and i spot yesterday and he was very encouraging that I am following a grieving path which is different for each of us.  It just helps me to know that I am not alone in my pain.  

Keep looking for the good signs that she has left you in her things.

Hugs from Texas!

[wlrclw]

Kevin,

I understand not wanting to go through your fathers things. I keep putting some of it off.

Unfortunately, because my mom was renting an apartment in a retirement community 3 hours from me, I had to move her things out a week after she died.  So many of her personal items are in my home office.  The photos, journals, letters, are still sitting there.  I am sure they will bring me comfort when the time comes that I can go through them.  The other day I discovered that I had not deleted voice mails from her going back a couple of years.  It was a comfort just to hear her voice again.  I am hoping that when we have have a service for her at the national cemetery and we as a family can gather to celebrate her life that I will have some closure.  It was so hard to not be able to have a service for her.  She and I had discussed her favorite music and who she wanted to talk.  Being unable to do this because of COVID in Texas has been hard.  

Move at your own pace.  We all need to take care of ourselves.  That's what our parents would want.

Hugs from Texas!

 

 

[Zoie]

We too had to deal with moving everything out within days of my mother's death.  It was extra traumatic because we were told we had thirty days and then two weeks and then seven days.  My husband and son, on leave from his work, took care of bringing everything from her apartment to our house except for the larger pieces which went into storage.  Every time my husband would ask if he could take something insignificant directly to Goodwill I would panic and tell him no.  I just needed time and still need time. It all happened too fast.  Her death and then having to deal with the aftermath.  Our house is filled with her belongings though in unused or lesser used rooms. I am slowly working through the end of life legal aspects now and will eventually have to go through the personal items.  It took me two weeks before I went up to the bedroom where we have some of her items stored and I just sobbed over the shoes she always wore.  Even now my husband is anxious to make some order out of our home but it is going to be a slow slow process.  

COVID's impact will forever haunt me. So much precious time with my  mother was taken from me because of it. Besides dealing with her death, I deal with the anguish of this lost time.  

Hugs to all

 

[reader]

Dear wlrclw,

My deepest sympathies and condolences.  During this sad and difficult time it will be normal to cry and miss your mom and to long for her. I found the first year after my dad's passing to be the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  Everything seems to happen so quickly and it takes a long time for the shock of it all to settle.

Please know we are with you. With hugs, Reader.

[var]

thank you for your kind words

I miss my mother so much, she would be so excited about Kamala and the hope of the end of the trump era. Mom never had money fears until a few months before she died when she told me she was worried her social security money would be reduced. I am so sad her last years were in the era of the fascist fake president.....wish this didn't happen for her.

and I miss being able to discuss this hopefulness with her.