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my mom is gone :(


rengle10

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Hello my name is robin, i am 40 and i am new here.

I loss my mom on June 2,2011 She was 61. I am a only child and my mom was my best friend i am heartbroken. Here is our story

Mom was in good health she had rheumatoid arthritis but other than that her health was good.

it started in january with bronchitis she went to the doctors got on some meds. took them for 2 weeks she started feel a little bit better still had a cough through feburary and march she didnt feel good just really tired, and had trouble catching her breath. April came around and she went back to her doctor while at her doctor appointment she cough and turn blue, her doctor gave her a breathing treatment it helped so her doctor sent her to get chest x-rays they came back she had pneumonia in her upper left side, doc gave her meds to take for a week and if she is not any better in the hospital she goes that is what her doctor said. Mom started her meds and in a few days she seem like she is getting better but on friday April 15 she calls me and ask if i would come over and help with getting a shower because it was a little hard for her to catch her breath, after she got out of the shower i helped her to get dress got every thing on she stood up and then she started to turn blue i asked my dad to help me he came in help me to get her to the kitchen table we sat her down and gave her a breathing treatment it helped a little she was not blue anymore. we asked her does she what to go to the ER or wait until a little bit later to go to her doctors appointment. She wanted to go to the ER got to the ER found out that her o2 stats was down to 72 the doctors asked how is she walking. they put her on o2 at 100% oxygen at 15 liters. they admited her to the hospital. after all the tests was back the next day the doctor came in and told us that they didnt have the what mom need so the tranfer her to a bigger hospital. so on April 16th mom was moved from one hospital to another. We get up there and mom was going down hill fast. they did more tests on her then that evening the lung doctor came in and told us because mom was at the max on the o2 the best thing we could do is to put her on a ventilator now instead of waiting because they didnt want to have to do it in the middle of the night as a emergency, so she went on the ventilator. the doctor came in the next day and told us that she is going to have a lung biopsie and put in a chest tube to drain what was in her lungs her chance of making it was less than 5% her lung biopsie they told us that she had BOOP and it is treatable and she was taken of the vent. week after and she got to go home on April 28.

which was great she was home for 11 days then her lung collapse and went back into the hospital and it went down from there. she went through 4 more chest tubes May 26 was her 61st birthday. on Wednesday june 1st her lung doctor came in and told us the sadest news there was nothing else they could do for my mom all they could do is make her comfortable then next day June 2 at 5:01pm my mom/best friend, grandmother and wife of my dad's died. We was with her i was holding her hand as she left this world. the pain is so great i hurt all the time plus watching my dad with his pain it is unbearable. there are days that i dont want to wake up dont want to move i cant wrap my mind around that mom is gone. i dont want to go out because i am afraid of running into people that will ask me how i am doing i think of her all the time

it has been over a month and half

my husband thinks i should be improving

thank you all for listening

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Robin,

My name is Tammy and I am also new here. I am sad to hear of your loss which is great. I loss my mother 2 yrs ago at the age of 80. There is an emptiness in your heart that you feel will never mend. You loss the one you spent your entire life with, of course your loss is GREAT. There is no time limit on grief. Please excuse me for saying but I feel your husband has never experienced such a loss. He may not understand your pain and may feel that you should be better by now. Actually, your pain will increase before it gets better. It just happened! Your body is still in shock which will last a while. Wether you expect it or not doesn't make it any easier. I actually would forget in the beginning that my mother was gone and would pick up the phone to call her to see how she was doing then I would burst into tears realizing what I had just done. It's the absence that is the hardest part. It just doesn't seem real. I would lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep because I missed her so bad. There is nothing I can say or do that will make your pain subside. However, I can say it will get better as a lot of time goes by. You are going to have a rough year. That I can gaurantee. Cry and cry as much as you can. Tears cleanse the soul and helps you release the anxiety and the tension of your loss. I understand that you don't won't to be around anyone. I was the same way. I blocked out everyone including my husband. I am one of those kinds of people who just likes to be alone to deal with my own problems. Talk about her every day with your dad and your family. Talk about the funny times, remember the laughter and the good times. Don't dwell on the bad. I don't know your faith but I can tell you she is with you every day. She is just gone from your site. Open your heart and your mind and you can feel her presence. Light a candle next to her picture to honor her life and the time you got to spend with her. Especially around the holidays. You have a vault of memories to share with her grandchildren. Celebrate her life. It has been 2 yrs for me and I still tear up at times. I cried hard for about a year. My mom died 2 days before Mother's day 2009 and I noticed that Mother's Day 2010 was a little easier for me. I know she has crossed over and is with God and that she is watching over me and my family. I guess my grieving was cut short due to the death of my 25 yr old daughter who was killed in a car accident June 3, 2010. Believe me when I say, I know your pain. Loss is the hardest thing you will go through in this life. Robin, my prayers and thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I used to tell people that had suffered a loss that time will heal your pain. I was so wrong. I honestly believe that we never heal, we learn to cope. We have been "touched" as I call it. Pain and sorrow that is deep from within. I actually just signed up to talk about my daughter when I saw your message and I just felt the need to respond to you. Please email me anytime you need to talk. I will be here for you. May your life be filled with abundance, peace and love.

Tammy

Hello my name is robin, i am 40 and i am new here.

I loss my mom on June 2,2011 She was 61. I am a only child and my mom was my best friend i am heartbroken. Here is our story

Mom was in good health she had rheumatoid arthritis but other than that her health was good.

it started in january with bronchitis she went to the doctors got on some meds. took them for 2 weeks she started feel a little bit better still had a cough through feburary and march she didnt feel good just really tired, and had trouble catching her breath. April came around and she went back to her doctor while at her doctor appointment she cough and turn blue, her doctor gave her a breathing treatment it helped so her doctor sent her to get chest x-rays they came back she had pneumonia in her upper left side, doc gave her meds to take for a week and if she is not any better in the hospital she goes that is what her doctor said. Mom started her meds and in a few days she seem like she is getting better but on friday April 15 she calls me and ask if i would come over and help with getting a shower because it was a little hard for her to catch her breath, after she got out of the shower i helped her to get dress got every thing on she stood up and then she started to turn blue i asked my dad to help me he came in help me to get her to the kitchen table we sat her down and gave her a breathing treatment it helped a little she was not blue anymore. we asked her does she what to go to the ER or wait until a little bit later to go to her doctors appointment. She wanted to go to the ER got to the ER found out that her o2 stats was down to 72 the doctors asked how is she walking. they put her on o2 at 100% oxygen at 15 liters. they admited her to the hospital. after all the tests was back the next day the doctor came in and told us that they didnt have the what mom need so the tranfer her to a bigger hospital. so on April 16th mom was moved from one hospital to another. We get up there and mom was going down hill fast. they did more tests on her then that evening the lung doctor came in and told us because mom was at the max on the o2 the best thing we could do is to put her on a ventilator now instead of waiting because they didnt want to have to do it in the middle of the night as a emergency, so she went on the ventilator. the doctor came in the next day and told us that she is going to have a lung biopsie and put in a chest tube to drain what was in her lungs her chance of making it was less than 5% her lung biopsie they told us that she had BOOP and it is treatable and she was taken of the vent. week after and she got to go home on April 28.

which was great she was home for 11 days then her lung collapse and went back into the hospital and it went down from there. she went through 4 more chest tubes May 26 was her 61st birthday. on Wednesday june 1st her lung doctor came in and told us the sadest news there was nothing else they could do for my mom all they could do is make her comfortable then next day June 2 at 5:01pm my mom/best friend, grandmother and wife of my dad's died. We was with her i was holding her hand as she left this world. the pain is so great i hurt all the time plus watching my dad with his pain it is unbearable. there are days that i dont want to wake up dont want to move i cant wrap my mind around that mom is gone. i dont want to go out because i am afraid of running into people that will ask me how i am doing i think of her all the time

it has been over a month and half

my husband thinks i should be improving

thank you all for listening

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Tammy

Thank you for your kind words and I am sorry for your loss of your daughter,

the thing with my husband he has lost both parents, I just think men don't feel like us women.

Robin

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I hope I didn't offend you by what I said. I just assumed he had never lost anyone because he thought you should be better. I guess men do have a way of covering up the pain I'm sure they feel. It will get better Robin, it just takes a lot of time. It is normal to feel the way you do now. Grief is the one thing that you can't rush through. I wish we could but we just can't. It is the worse feeling in the entire world. Each person grieves differently. I think alot has to do with how close you were to that indiviual that left. The stronger the bond the more pain you will experience. Trust me when I say she is with you. It helps me to talk to them. Don't think I'm a nut case but I do talk to my daughter and my mom all the time. I guess it is a release for me. Are you a spiritual person? I consider myself a spiritual person however I do not go to church. I do pray a lot to get through the pain. Talk, light a candle, pray. Do what you feel you need to do to get through this. If you want to scream then scream. Each day will consist of different emotions. Don't try to compare yourself with someone else and how you should feel. It is all a learning process and all we have are memories and their pictures in a frame. That is what has to get us through until we see them again.

Tammy

Thank you for your kind words and I am sorry for your loss of your daughter,

the thing with my husband he has lost both parents, I just think men don't feel like us women.

Robin

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Tammy

yes i am a spritial person as like you i dont go to church, i was very close to my mom i seen or talk to her everyday. there have been times that something happens and i cant wait to call mom but then it hits me that i cant call her but i do tell her. being a only child i cant call a sister or brother to talk to them about mom. it is hard to talk to my dad because i know that he is hurting too. my aunt and uncle are very close to us and they have a hard time talking about her.

i just want to talk about her. thank you again

p.s where in nc do you live?

Robin

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I live 20 minutes out of Winston-Salem in a town called East Bend. I normally just tell people I am from Winston. Where are you? Some people want to forget and bottle up the pain. I believe talking about the person helps. I do have 3 sisters and 1 brother. They are much older than me. I am 46 yrs old. My sisters are in their 60's. My mom had me late in life so I am the baby of the family. I used to love being the baby but now I have a different outlook on life and know that I am going to have to watch my brother and sisters pass away. I am already stressed about my dog going away! You know we should rejoice at death but when we are the one's left behind, it is so painful. Can you say to your dad "Remember when we went and did this and mom did this" to make him laugh or smile. What pain your dad is going through! It is all painful but I think there is really degree's of each one, a mother, a father, child, spouse. It is different realationships that are unique. My counselor told me that when people shy away from talking about the person who has left just say to them "I want to talk about ______." Open that door and if they say I don't want to talk about it then stop so it will not be painful to them. Let them know you are hurting and that you want to talk about it. You need that closeness, that comfort. I can talk to my friends and family but I don't won't to bother them sometimes when I am feeling really depressed. They get on to me for not calling them when I have had a really hard day. I am here if you want to ever talk. I try to check the site often. I just found it today. I am really not on the computer alot but I will keep checking for your replies. Keep your head up and your heart open. Have you tried doing a journal? My daughter that died give me a journal for my birthday the year before she passed and I would write my feelings down in it about my mother then when she died it is all about her now. I go back through and read it often. Release your emotions on paper if you can't to your family. You have to vent or you will explode. My husband got to where he would not mention Ashley because he thought it would upset me. It actually hurt me more for him not to mention her. I had to tell him we have to talk about her. It's as if she never existed so now we mention her often. It may not seem like it now but you will get through this Robin.

Tammy

yes i am a spritial person as like you i dont go to church, i was very close to my mom i seen or talk to her everyday. there have been times that something happens and i cant wait to call mom but then it hits me that i cant call her but i do tell her. being a only child i cant call a sister or brother to talk to them about mom. it is hard to talk to my dad because i know that he is hurting too. my aunt and uncle are very close to us and they have a hard time talking about her.

i just want to talk about her. thank you again

p.s where in nc do you live?

Robin

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Tammy

I live in northern Indiana 30 mins from Ft. Wayne, sorry I have not been on it has been a bad week just really missing my mom. Dad and I picked out mom's headstone which was very hard.

I wish I had a journal from mom. that would be very comforting.

Did you have a hard time getting your mind around that your mom and your daughter is gone?

Sometime I still think mom is still in the hospital and waiting for us to come up there to see her.

I have to ask are you a Nascar fan with you living in Nascar Country LOL.

Was you mom's death unexpected?

Robin

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