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Just say another word mama


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My wonderful quirky mother is dying. I flew in from Hawaii to spend time with her. By the time I got here, she was in extreme pain and not very lucid. Even so, we shared some very special moments. She said she didn't want me to travel or leave her. I was with her most of the day but had to leave to sleep. I've been heart broken that she's no longer responsive the next morning. The time I had was so brief and there's more time I want/need to spend with her. I keep hoping she will come to for a little bit, but the end is near and it's likely not going to happen.


There's things that keep going through my head, that I have so much trouble dealing with. This amazing person is going to be gone soon. It's just so strange to conceptualize that she simply isn't going to exist anymore, at least on this plane. I worry that she's scared and I'm helpless to do anything. She's breathing and still here, but not at the same time. The only time I saw her awake in the last day, she was completely unable to speak. Her eyes were open slightly and she was moaning in pain. We gave her morphine but I was hoping she could say something. A word, anything, but there's nothing.



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