Members Yoli Posted July 12, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Today marks two months since my love passed. I sit in the office and everyone is carrying on with their day oblivious - bar one. I feel like a shell of the person I once was. Without her there is no laughter, no smiles, no cuddles, no kisses, no hand holding, no colour, no music, no joy. I am lost and she is the only one who can find me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted July 13, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 So I left work early even though I am only on half days. I felt myself about to break down. I am so sick of feeling like this. I just want her back and things like they used to be. I can't wait to be with her again. I worry I did not appreciate her enough when she was here, did not give her enough encouragement, did not reassure her how beautiful she was, got mad a stupid things. Her pleasures were simple really, to be loved, books, music, movies, copper (bracelet) on her skin. I feel like I have cried an ocean of tears and I feel it will never be enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Sue4 Posted July 13, 2020 Guests Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 5 hours ago, Yoli said: worry I did not appreciate her enough when she was here, did not give her enough encouragement, did not reassure her how beautiful she was, got mad a stupid things. Her pleasures were simple really, to be loved, books, music, movies, copper (bracelet) on her skin. I feel like I have cried an ocean of tears and I feel it will never be enough. That is one of the hardest things for me as well. Regret. I feel like I didn’t tell him enough how much he meant to me. And then he passed so suddenly in May. I would give my own life to have 10 more minutes with him and tell him how much I loved him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted July 13, 2020 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 17 hours ago, Yoli said: I worry I did not appreciate her enough when she was here, did not give her enough encouragement, did not reassure her how beautiful she was, got mad a stupid things. I'm sorry to say this is a nearly universal feeling for the members here. I feel guilt, regret, anger at myself for everything I believe I could and should have done better. I worry that my husband will not forgive me for my faults, even though I always forgave him for his imperfections. Because we are the ones left here, we are the ones who take the burden on our shoulders. We are the ones who live with the memories, both good and bad. I suppose it might be called survivor's guilt, though I don't really think of it that way. Even after 2 years, I am working on trying to forgive myself for not being perfect. No one is, I know that. It's simply that my mind and heart haven't come to terms with the fact that I am not "all powerful" and so I am not to blame. Most of us are really good at looking for someone/something to blame and pointing the finger at ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 13, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted July 13, 2020 I understand. When George died I remember feeling my world of color went to black and white. I didn't understand how/why the sun could possibly go on shining without him in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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