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My parrot died and I'm severely depressed


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Fist of all, English is not my native language so sorry in advance for any spelling mistakes. I'm an animal lover, I had pets since I was a little child and I always suffered greatly after one of them died. 4 years ago, I moved to another city for my university studies and I wanted a pet so I got one. Me and my boyfriend bought a little amazing parrot and from that moment I completely fell in love with him. I loved him and I wanted to give him the life that he deserved, we spent time with him every single day, spoiled him, I basically did almost every (safe) activity with him (inside the apartment). I was extremely careful with cleaning products or types of food, actually with everything that might put him in any dager. If you are a parrot owner, you know that a lot of things can kill them. Anyways, he was addicted to seeds, he would rather starve than eat healthy. I tried for 4 years to make him eating a healthy diet but I failed. I suspect that this was the cause of death... Even though I don't know for sure because he was energetic and happy till the very last moment. Unfortunately the day he died I had to go to another city for a while and my boyfriend called me saying that our baby died suddenly. He was happy and noisy then he collapsed and died in just a few minutes. My boyfriend hold and kissed him thinking that he will live but he didn't. He couldn't do anything to save him in that short amount of time. Since hearing the terrible news I feel guilty for not taking better care of him, for not trying harder to make him eat a proper diet. I'm feeling absolutely miserable thinking that he had so much to experience in life and now he can't. I feel like I failed him and even tho I don't know the cause of death I convinced myself that he died because of me... This parrot was like a child to me, I loved and still love him to death and now my baby's gone forever. He wasn't just a pet, he was family, he was everything to me. The first days I was emotionally numb, I was in total denial, I even lied myself that he is still alive just to not have an emotional breakdown because I'm not at home. Since yesterday I feel extremely depressed and desperate, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I think I'll go crazy if I'm coming home and I see his cage empty. I never felt this low in my entire life even tho I'm familiar with negative feelings due to generalised anxiety. I hate myself for not trying hard enough to be a better parront for him. Since I have him I've never imagined my future without him, I've always dreamt about making his life better, like buying a better cage, moving to an apartment with more sunlight, more toys etc. Now I'm empty and I'm seriously thinking to buy another parrot, not to replace him because he's irreplaceable... I just want to have another innocent being to love in order to forget about this unbearable pain. I don't want to live without him so I want to have another reason to live. I know I sound like a drama queen right now, but this feeling of not knowing him alive is killing me inside. I just miss him so much. Can't go back to silence... To an empty cage. Do you have a similar experience or any tips on how to ease the pain?  Do you think it's a good idea to get another parrot? 

thank you for reading this. 

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Hello, I am so so sorry for your loss. No, you are not being dramatic. This loss is traumatic for you and of course it is. I totally understand.

I lost my cat who we'd had 10 years to a violent sickness. I was beyond devastated. Like you, our cat was like our child. You can barely describe the pain, ache, and literal heartbreak. I though if a heart could break, that mine would. 

I wish I could say more to ease your pain. Unfortunately, it takes time. There is no other way. You will feel very sad. You feel crazy with grief. And the grief comes in waves too. I've heard it said the depth of your love is the depth of your grief. You obviously loved your sweet parrot so much. 

Please also do not feel guilty. You have no idea what happened. It might not have been his diet at all. 

I do suggest you come here to post often to get your anger, sadness, and other feelings out of you. Let yourself cry. You must go through the process. And then when the time is right, yes, you should consider getting another parrot. You will know when the time is okay. (A few months later, I did adopt another cat as a cat makes life worth it for me and so many need good homes.) 

As bad as it seems, it will not always be this way. You will heal. But be patient. Again, I am so so sorry to read of your loss and for all you are going though. 



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I am so sorry!  It may not have been his diet at all, it could have been a defect that you weren't aware of.  I hope these articles will help you know what to do with your feelings...

I hate the title of this article as we NEVER "replace our pet" but acquire a new one perhaps...still the article's content is good so I hope you'll read it.  You can go out tomorrow or wait a year before getting one, it's up to you. 

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