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I read and have read many of the heart wrenching, painful messages on this forum. My message here is not to antagonize but to question so as to understand because I am having a really hard time with the loss of husband 2 months ago. At first, it was unbearable and I could not do anything, that is why I am just now posting on this forum. I have been reading posts for about a week now. The loss is real, the pain is real. There is a gigantic hole in my heart, my life and my soul. It can never be fixed. The pain is still raw.

I was raised Catholic and as an adult would go to church but not regularly, like every Sunday. I've always been a logic person who had many questions. Now, I am not trying to start a war here but I do have an honest question for those of you who have lost a loved one, particularly partner or child and do have a solid faith. The pain I am experiencing is beyond words, beyond comprehension so it tests anyone's faith during these times, especially mine. When I am at my most somber and darkest moments I do wonder how a loving God could allow and watch His children endure so much pain. 

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