Venting - Bad Day

[Yoli]

So today sucked. I went to work but had to leave an hour and a half in. I am tired. I don't want to eat and mostly don't. This is complete torture. I constantly have that butterfly feeling in my stomach. I don't know how many tears I have cried, here I go again. It will never be enough for what was taken.

[KayC]

I'm sorry, I hope your workplace is supportive and understanding.  It can be very hard to function and focus at work in this early time of grief.  I'm glad you are listening to what you need.

[Missy1]

Returning to work is very stressful when you are still so fragile. I cried and sobbed my first day back. I kept getting up to take walks or go the bathroom and try to contain myself. Give yourself time to  level out a bit so you be able to function. 

[Yoli]

I am lucky that I have an extremely supportive manager and am not getting any pressure. I was extremely nervous the first day I went back. At times I start tearing up at my desk. Another co worker who works in my pod lost her mother about two weeks after my partner passed but we are on different journeys. 

I still find myself asking how this can actually be real. I sit in my chair at home shaking my head no, no, no and just cry and cry. It is too quiet, I used to like the quiet but I hate it now.

[Missy1]

Oh Yoli, I know that place of despair, uncontrollably crying and sobbing, shaking  till you are exhausted. Not many understand this, we do here. I hate the quiet to, I desperately need my husband back, the harder I try the more I feel that he was the only one who understood me. We found our other half that made us whole, now we wonder around trapped here, in pain. I try I don’t even want friends, he was my best friend, We wonder how long we can do this. I have made it 5 months, a blurr. My point is I lived this long by just taking on today and taking care of what is left from that amazing life.  I wish I could help more, it’s okay to feel the way you do. 

[KayC]

I had to go back after two weeks, my boss was great and I asked him to check over my work, for the first time in my life, because I didn't trust my brain, I was in a fog, hard to think/focus.  I would run to the bathroom when I erupted in tears, fortunately it was right behind my cubicle.  They were all understanding.  Unfortunately the place went out of business shortly after at the start of the recession and it took me 5 1/2 months to find another job, I had 100 mile/day commute, and it was awful.  Made it easy for me to retire a few years later!

15 hours ago, Missy1 said:

it’s okay to feel the way you do. 

Yes.