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Hi


jtrudeau

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Just wanted to stop in and say hi, I have been in a real bad place this past week, I even took to many pills cause I didn't care people are so dumb sometimes. I'm so sick of going out some where and see someone I know and they ask "how are you doing" What I really want to say I don't but really its irritating me sooo much. Tomorrow is 6wks and I'm already starting to shake inside and feel sick to my stomach. I just want my Michael back and I will always want him back, I can't believe this even happened. Mike was a firefighter and first responder , Mike and I took the EMS class together and I wasn't sure if I was going to stay on our fire dept or not. But I have decided to stay at least for now. So tonight I working EMS at the Jefferson co fair...woohoo Brett Michaels is playing there....Thanks for listening to me ramble....love u all Jackie

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hey jackie..

i hear you sister...i am still having trouble getting out in public and it has been 5 1/2 months....it is so hard to face people, at least for me it is. i haven't even gone back to work yet. even though my daughter just had her 2nd child, my 7th grandchild, i still remain sad. i am trying to be strong for her and help her out as much as i can, but i leave her house and sob like a big baby. it is just too hard to face that my child is gone and never coming back. he would have been here with this family celebrating this birth. he loved his family so much. i didn't feel his presence here, even though i am sure he was around. not the same. i want him here, the earthly form. selfish of me, i am sure. it may have been his time to go, maybe, but i don't know how much i believe in that, not today anyway.

i feel your pain and i am here to help hold you up as much as i can. it is devastating to lose a child. i know we lost them in different ways, but they are still our children and it still breaks our hearts, shatters our lives and changes us forever. i am so sorry you are grieving for your son. it is not an easy 'journey', as i have found out. i am sorry you find yourself here. keep posting. try posting on the forum 'loss of an adult child' it is much more active and people DO respond so much more on that forum. plus, they are caring and insightful and they really have helped me so much on that site. go into that forum and just type whatever you are feeling. trust me on this one.

take care of yourself....love, diane

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