Members brebram Posted July 9, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Today I visited with and got to hold my dear best friends 6 mo. old baby, who I have seen off and on since she was 4 days old. Most times I saw her I was pregnant with my Olivia. She's absolutely beautiful and getting so big! After our lunch together I got in my car to head home and I just started to cry. I had so many mixed emotions. I was so happy to see Paige (my friends baby) again and so happy to see my best friend, and I had a good lunch. But as soon as I got away, and got in my car... it was just all down hill. I came home, laid in bed with my fiance (Olivia's father) and cried. And I really didn't expect to do this. I think I saw that beautiful baby and just thought, this is what I should have... this is what I should be experiencing right now. And I felt guilty because my friend was there for me all the way after I lost Olivia, and here I was having these selfish thoughts. I don't know why God took my daughter from me and I still don't understand. I would have been a wonderful mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 10, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2011 Olivia's Mom, I am so sorry for the horrible pain of losing your Olivia. YOu are not being selfish when you are sad for yourselves, it does not mean that you are not supporting your friend in her happiness, it simply means that you are grieving. Grief is a twisted road, and it is not linear, there will be better days and horrendous days. Be kind to yourself, come here and read and post when you feel you can. Tell us more about your loss. I post on LOSS OF ADULT CHILD and while our losses are different there are several others who have lost a baby or young child that attend our forum mostly because we are an active group as far as posting.If you want to join us there or any other group, go to loss of child, then look for the specific forum under loss of child. I wish you well, that at some point down the path, you will begin to feel hope again, but be gentle with yourself as you go along. It does take time.dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jdandhope Posted July 10, 2011 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2011 I have never lost a child at such a young age but I can relate to your feelings. My daughter died at 12, my "BFF" has a son 3 months younger. Actually most of my friends have kids my daughter's age. I am super angry & often jealous ...sometimes. Please don't add guilt over your honest, normal (whatever that is), and perfectly expected feelings to your plate. I will never understand the why's of losing a child. I pray that you will have a chance to be a mother to a living child but in my mind, you ARE a mother. You weren't given the chance to parent (which is awful) but you are a mom.Always with Hope in my heart Deb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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