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Lost my mom and confused


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My mom passed away nearly a month ago. She had terminal cancer and had applied for medical assistance in dying (MAID) (legal in Canada) last fall. In November she fell and broke her hip, and from that point onward she seemed to be depressed and withdrawn. Her complaints early this year were extreme fatigue, nausea, and not being able to do things she used to be able to do.

In March she decided to go ahead with MAID but was not telling me. I went to her house to talk to her because it seemed like all communication had stopped. When I got there we talked and I asked if she was making the choice too soon. She ended up deciding not to go through with it that week.

In April, her sister who also had cancer chose to use MAID.

Due to COVID, we had been not seeing her as much, but my daughter and I went to the house about two weeks before she died. It seemed like she was okay. Her and my dad had gone to the greenhouse to get plants. They'd had neighbors over to visit.

And so, I let things go and thought she was okay. We hadn't communicated for about 1.5 weeks when my son broke his arm. I emailed to let her know.

She asked to do a Zoom call to see him on a Friday night. In the Zoom call we talked like normal, nothing seemed strange.

Saturday night I got a call from my dad that she was gone. She had chosen to use MAID and not tell anyone but him. I didn't know that Zoom call would be the last time I would talk to her.

So, I'm struggling with a lot of things, but mostly guilt that I didn't see what was going on and confusion about what happened, alongside grief about her being gone.

She also decided that she wanted no funeral so there has been nothing in terms of that. 

And so.. I am just lost and confused. I guess I don't really have a question, just wondering if anyone has any perspective or has experienced something like this.


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Hi my name is Deborah, I lost my mother this past Mother’s Day and have been looking to connect with other people who have lost a parent recently. I’m starting a zoom meeting for the first time and wondered if you would like to join. If so here is the link. https://us04web.zoom.us/j/71034566210?pwd=WFQ0N1FpODVNUWpHcHhsUzdpM1R4dz09  The time for this meeting will be today at 1:00pm. Hope to see you there. 

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